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~Ember's Interactive Diary~
Forum-Index → Diaries → ~Ember's Interactive Diary~
Posted: Tue, 16/04/2019 17:35 (5 Years ago)
~Here's What You Will Find In This Diary~
•Planned shiny hunts
•Discussion of various real life events
•Me ranting or venting
•Possible dream discussions
•Potential giveaway ideas
•Any other notes I may wish to make
~Forum Requests From Ember Herself~
•Feel free to post in this forum, this is an interactive diary!
•If you have a comment/question/idea, simply PALPAD me rather than spamming the forum thread!
•Please subscribe so that you are able to keep up with my posts, you could miss giveaway information!
•Feel free to share this forum with your friends so they can join the fun as well!
Posted: Tue, 16/04/2019 17:36 (5 Years ago)
Introductiona place where you'll have a peek into my thoughts and dreams.
For those of you who do not know me, let me introduce myself.
My name is Amber, though you can call me Ember.
I'm a 20 year old girl with a blazing passion to overcome her depression.
I'm a libra, I love music, and binge watching TV shows is my sport of choice.
Though this may be coming off as a depressing diary,
I promise I have many fun things in store for you all.
Giveaways, games, and humorous topics of discussion being just a few.
So stay tuned and I will see you all very soon!
Posted: Wed, 17/04/2019 03:29 (5 Years ago)
Current Time: 7:45 pm
Current Mood: Exhausted
Currently Listening To: "Leave Me Alone" by Tech N9ne
Currently Thinking About: Something secret
Posted: Wed, 17/04/2019 03:35 (5 Years ago)
Posted: Wed, 17/04/2019 03:36 (5 Years ago)
Hmmm, it really depends. Get Scared is my go-to when I'm feeling depressed or mad at myself. Lenka usually helps calm me down or cheer me up. Simon Curtis helps bring up my mood too.
Posted: Wed, 17/04/2019 03:38 (5 Years ago)
Posted: Wed, 17/04/2019 03:48 (5 Years ago)
I have a variety so I don't typically have one band set for any specific things, I listen to any of them when I feel like it. : )
Posted: Wed, 17/04/2019 03:55 (5 Years ago)
Posted: Wed, 17/04/2019 04:48 (5 Years ago)
Posted: Thu, 18/04/2019 05:01 (5 Years ago)
Current Time: 10:02 pm
Current Mood: Thoughtful
Currently Listening To: "Keep Holding On" by Falling In Reverse
Currently Thinking About: The difference a single year of your life can make
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
I've done lots of self reflection today. Nearly one year ago, I went through the hardest breakup I have ever experienced. A time where I was left completely devastated with no real hope for the future. I took a moment today to reflect on what I had going for me back then.
Let's go back in time one year. I'll even paint you a picture: There I am, clinging for dear life to a relationship with someone I thought was my soulmate. I thought he was the person I was destined to spend my life with. Little did I know then that I had never been so blind to reality. What really was happening was that we both clung to a relationship that we both knew was falling apart. He was hanging out with his friends, even on countless days that I asked for extra emotional support. I was spending my days alone in my room, crying for hours just begging for him to reply to my messages, meanwhile he would be out smoking with his friends. You see, around this time when he and I broke up, I was deteriorating from the inside out. I was spending my days crying so hard that it would physically make myself sick. I was not eating because the thought of food made me even sicker. It was coming close to the 1 year anniversary of losing two of my very best friends to their mental illnesses, something I believed was my fault (I will talk about this more in an upcoming diary entry). When he left, I was blindsided. The only thing that had ever given me a glimmer of hope for my future was now gone. I was barely hanging on to what life I still had left inside me. I hopped on my Omega Ruby game and started my first playthrough of the game, the playthrough that I'd planned on being my last. I couldn't hold on. For whatever reason, I had decided to wonder trade one of my pokemon, and I ended up getting a shiny from someone on twitch. I checked out their stream and told them thank you for the shiny pokemon, despite thinking that I wouldn't put it to much use. "I won't be around much longer to play, but may as well say thank you." I thought to myself. I got a response from someone in the stream chat. Before I knew it, I was having a full blown conversation with this person. And fortunately, I felt a little bit of happiness that got me through to the next day. I went to sleep that night, and went back into that stream that morning. I may not have had much to hold onto, but this stream and the friends I was starting to make gave me a reason to hold on.
But let's go back and take a look at where I am today. I'm working as my mom's caregiver. I no longer think about my ex, completely moved on. I am losing weight and becoming healthier mentally and physically as the days go by. I have found this site and am able to have the pleasure of running a shiny shop with a few very good friends of mine whom I appreciate more than words can say. And most importantly: I am still ALIVE. I thought that breakup was going to be what ended me, but I am here today and am able to say that that breakup is what MADE ME! I've managed to ricochet all the way back up from rock bottom to a point in my life where I am honestly so happy to be alive.
I'm sorry this entry has been so long, and maybe a bit depressing to some, but I am extremely proud of myself for all that I have accomplished in just a year's time. I am a completely new person from who I was then and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. Always remember: Things may be hard now, they may even feel nearly impossible to come back from, but it's going to be okay. Just keep holding on and remember that everything happens for a reason, even the horrible things that leave lifelong wounds that you never fully heal from. You can do anything you set your mind to. Also, remember that it is OKAY to acknowledge your own progress, no matter how big or small it may be.
Posted: Thu, 18/04/2019 05:21 (5 Years ago)
I've known since 6th grade that I've wanted to be a guy, and, after 18 long years of living in a close-minded household, I'm finally able to start taking steps towards my new future.
Posted: Thu, 18/04/2019 05:37 (5 Years ago)
Also, I needed this post. I had a breakup a little over two months ago, and I am still an absolute wreck over it. So, I understand how you felt. But I am so glad you overcame it.
Posted: Thu, 18/04/2019 05:55 (5 Years ago)
Certified fluffy bat moment.
Posted: Sat, 20/04/2019 00:52 (5 Years ago)
Current Time: 5:52 pm
Current Mood: Excited
Currently Listening To: "Hood Go Crazy" by Tech N9ne, 2 Chainz, and B.o.B
Currently Thinking About: Summer plans
I went shopping with my mom today and found a new sports drink to try that has a lot more electrolytes/nutrients that I need with the countless foods I have had to cut out from my diet due to an undiagnosed stomach problem. The drinks taste amazing and I really hope they can help me with feeling more energized before and after workouts. I can't wait until I am done dealing with my PMS stuff so that I can get back to the workouts I have been meaning to start back up. But unfortunately it is causing too much pain at the moment.
Something quite exciting is going to be happening this summer though. I can't even explain how excited I am for it! This summer, I get to meet GoldenEagle17 when he is up in Washington for two weeks! For those of you who don't know, he is my best friend. The excitement just keeps building up as the days grow closer! I don't really have any friends IRL, so being able to meet one of the few best friends that I have and getting to finally hang out with them face to face is going to be so amazing! I can't wait to see him and take him to my favorite mexican place so he can finally try the deliciousness that are Carne Asada Fries xD
Posted: Sat, 20/04/2019 03:32 (5 Years ago)
also i think you should show him around to different places you think are fun.
Posted: Sat, 20/04/2019 03:40 (5 Years ago)
And if not, there's bound to be a few arcades around right?
Posted: Thu, 25/04/2019 00:55 (5 Years ago)
Current Time: 5:56 PM
Current Mood: Lost
Currently Listening To: "Low" by Tech N9ne
Currently Thinking About: Her, of course..
I've tried writing this about a hundred times but can't seem to get it right.
I just can't find the words to truly describe how it is that I'm feeling.
It's been two years since I got the text that you needed me.
Two years since I dropped everything to have what I didn't know would be our last conversation.
Two years since since I got the text that you were being rushed to the hospital.
Two years since I received the call that my best friend was no longer alive.
Those two damn words that I wish I never would have had to hear.
"She's gone."
They say that time heals all wounds, but when will this wound heal?
After all this time, it still feels like just a bad dream.
I wish more than anything that I could go to bed, then wake up and have you back.
But unfortunately reality isn't a bad dream that you can wake up from.
So much has changed since you've been gone.
Our friend group totally fell apart, all of them blaming me for your death.
I can't blame them though, I tend to blame myself too.
I dropped everything to talk you out of it, I almost was late for school even.
But I rushed out of my house without a chance to say I'd be back,
And unfortunately that was also my missed opportunity to say goodbye.
I think after all my months of therapy, I can finally say it isn't my fault.
I tried my best, said all that I could, but unfortunately you were too far gone.
And for a while, I thought I wouldn't be far behind.
I couldn't imagine a life without you in it, a life with no color and no happiness.
Yet here I am, keeping my promise to you that I would never give up.
I owe it to you to keep pushing forward every day.
Two years ago, I failed you.
But hopefully today, two years later, I am able to make you proud.
I love you Krissy and miss you so much.
Rest easy, my beautiful angel.
I'll be here trying my best to continue making you proud.
Posted: Thu, 25/04/2019 01:04 (5 Years ago)
She was being bullied alot
Her parents hated her and emotionally and physically abused her
I tried to help her feel better but she always blamed herself for everything
I woke up one day and I got a message from her sister to meet her at the hospital
I walked into the hospital her sister standing there crying her eyes out
I asked what was wrong
But then I looked behind me to see my best friend in a room dead
I wanted to die when I saw that I couldn't understand why she did it I miss her so much
I blamed myself for it and no one at school cared they just ignored the fact it happened
If I could see her again id hug her and say i miss her more than anything in this world
Posted: Thu, 25/04/2019 01:05 (5 Years ago)
My mom's health isn't doing too well, and we've had a few scares. So, I'm just glad that she's still alive right now, and we're trying to make every moment count. I don't want regrets, because I don't always treat her as well as I should.
Posted: Thu, 25/04/2019 01:11 (5 Years ago)
I just want to meet him an' get to know the man that would have been my grandfather. I'd love to hear his stories of being an biker an' all the trouble he got into as a kid too. An' from what I've heard he was very outgoing and persuasive too.
I'd just want to sit an' listen honestly.