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Forum Thread

Writers Club (Always Accepting Authors!)

Forum-Index Fan Clubs Writers Club (Always Accepting Authors!)
Jaytrash
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Trainerlevel: 14

Forum Posts: 36
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 17:11 (8 Years ago)
Guys, I have a few stories in my libary! What do you all think? They aren't my stories, I just have heard them before.
P a i n
You take me down, you build me up
Believer
Believer

P a i n
Let the bullets fly, oh let them rain,
you take me down, you build me up

-Believer by Imagine Dragons

eunoia
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Trainerlevel: 27

Forum Posts: 402
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 17:13 (8 Years ago)
Oh, I've heard those stories! Yes, I like those.
Jaytrash
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Forum Posts: 36
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 17:14 (8 Years ago)
*quietly looks up more fables to toss into the library*
P a i n
You take me down, you build me up
Believer
Believer

P a i n
Let the bullets fly, oh let them rain,
you take me down, you build me up

-Believer by Imagine Dragons

Nishinoya
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Trainerlevel: 41

Forum Posts: 646
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 19:04 (8 Years ago)
Okay so, since I'm kind of having an idea right now while listening to some amazing music for a while, I'm just going to try to write my idea out into a short story.

I'd suggest you to listen to the "Inspiration" soundtrack while reading~

Starbound
Inspiration: [x] | Theme: Pokémon Mystery Dungeon x Friendship x Adventure
Characters: Sachi [female Skitty] | Hisashi [male Cyndaquil]


Sachis paws were hurting. She was out of breath when she finally left the Steam Cave with her partner and best friend, Hisashi. The Pokémon in this area were incredibly strong and left the two guild apprentices badly hurt.
»I think we should take a break«, Hisashi said while gasping for breath. Sachi nodded and they took out some berries to regain their strength.

As sunset crept closer, a strange feeling got Sachi. »I feel like something's here«, she said. Hisashi looked at her, a little confused. »You mean Uxie?«
Sachi shook her head. »No. Something bigger. And far more dangerous...«
Only a few heartbeats later, the earth started to shake and a loud growl was heard. A shadow loomed above the two explorers and they jumped up. A tall figure was standing right in front of them, growling in anger. Its body was red. Tall, sharp claws on its dangerously big hands. Hisashi stared at it in fear before he was able to regain his voice. The Pokémon that stood there right in front of them... It was... »Groudon!«

Groudon growled once again before it lifted its giant arm to smash it down on Hisashi. He seemed scared, but he was able to dodge the attack. Groudon quickly distanced itself. Sachi quickly reached into the explorer bag and grabbed a Sleep Seed which she threw at Groudon. Groudon, despite being a mighty Pokémon, didn't seem to be as clever as everyone said. It grabbed the Seed and ate it. As it fell asleep, the two partners took their chance and kept attacking Groudon.
The Seed lost it's power very soon, but Sachi was able to land a powerful hit on Groudon which defeated it directly after it woke up.
Groudon collapsed with a final growl. Sachi and Hisashi stared at it, still prepared to battle it if it would stand up again. But it didn't. A bright light blinded the two and as it faded, Groudon was gone.

»What did just happen?«, Hisashi asked in confusion, and Sachi shook her head again. »I have no idea«.
»We should probably go on now...« her partner suggested and they left the place as fast as they could.

Only a few steps further they were able to see a soft, green-ish glow and hear the quiet murmuring of water. Sachi was looking over the lake. At the first sight, she couldn't tell if she was looking at the lake or the night sky. The stars and the moon were reflected perfectly by the surface and seemed to dance over the slightly moving water. The green glow in the middle of the lake added a more mysterious, yet charming atmosphere. Hisashi stood next to her and smiled in amazement. »It's a breathtaking sight«, he whispered and Sachi couldn't agree more. She could stand here and look at this lake forever...

Yeah, I obviously got lazy at the battle with Groudon, but it's literally how I beat it in the actual game also the first time I tried to describe a Pokémon battle so please don't be too hard on me here. :'0 How do you like the story? Is there anything I could do better? Any grammar or spelling mistakes? ;u;
sleepynebby
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Forum Posts: 1,571
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 19:08 (8 Years ago)
Hi guys! So I just read Nishinoya's story and I was impressed. One thing though, nightsky should be night sky. Nightsky isn't one word, it's two. Other than that, I saw nothing else to be fixed.
Nishinoya
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Trainerlevel: 41

Forum Posts: 646
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 19:10 (8 Years ago)
@jamesmadisonscreams:
Thank you very much! ;u; I'm going to fix it in a moment! //also sticks a sticky note on own forehead
Dragonsoul
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Forum Posts: 297
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 19:21 (8 Years ago)
@Nishinoya
I only noticed like two mistakes. ^^

One, the 'it's' in "The Seed lost it's power..." should be its, since it's possessive, not 'it is.'

Also, "»What did just happen?«" could stand to get rid of the 'did.'

That's all! Otherwise, nice story! PMD is my favorite game out of all the Pokemon games, and for good reason. With an amazing soundtrack and an even better story, it is my favorite game...

Don't ever forget.
Nishinoya
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Forum Posts: 646
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 19:28 (8 Years ago)
@Dragon
its and it's is still one of my main mistake sources. I'll work on that one, thank you!

On the second one, I actually think "»What did just happen?«" is alright. Unless you mean I should use "»What just happened?«" - then you'd be right, I think. In my opinion, "What did just happen?" is fine and to me it sounds a little better. Still thank you for the advice, I will definitely take it to notice!

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon is indeed a great spin-off game and I actually think no Pokémon game ever had so much inpact on me as the PMD series. I re-played them so often, thinking "I saw this ending so often, this time I won't cry!" and end up crying again. :')
Luckylikeit
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Forum Posts: 597
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 19:38 (8 Years ago)
@Nishi

"What just happened?" Is probably what Drago meant, yeah. But other than that, that was pretty good!

Credit to Viper
fluttershyfan2
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Trainerlevel: 22

Forum Posts: 765
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 20:19 (8 Years ago)
@Nishi That was really good! One thing, I think "What just happened?" would've fit better then "What did just happen?".

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I've been working on that fanfic I mentioned, and I'm gonna put some of what I have in a spoiler-thing, and I want to know if there's stuff I could do better, or if there's grammar mistakes because I sometimes I overlook them, or anything like that? (It's in first-person and... I don't write in first person enough, so there's one thing I'm really worried about doing wrong).

Also, quick note, anything written 'like this', is something written down, not being said or thought, and anything written likethis, is something be said at a faster pace then normal for the character talking.

Show hidden content
I smiled, clicking on the newest game on my Steam account, Portal.
It had taken quite a while, but it had finally finished installing!
A couple of my friends had recommended it to me, and so I decided to get it.
It seemed interesting, anyways.
Apparently you played as a test subject at some place called Aperture Science, named Chell, and you use portals to get through levels. ….That’s all I really know about it.
I looked over at my phone, and sent a quick text to one of my friends that had recommended it.
‘Hey, guess what! I just got Portal!’
Within a few seconds, they replied.
‘Really, Alex? That’s awesome!’
‘Yeah! I’m gonna go play it.’
‘Alright. TTYL.’

I set my phone down, and went back to the computer.
I clicked on the ‘PLAY’ button and got ready to start the game.
The screen went dark.
…..A minute passed, and nothing happened.
I tapped the screen. “Uh….Is it working? Is it supposed to do this?”
The screen flashed white, and then…
Nothing.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Music was playing….
I must’ve fallen asleep, and that would be my…. Alarm? No, my alarm doesn’t sound like that…
….This wasn’t my desk… Or my bed…. What was going on?
I opened my eyes to see a gray ceiling, a light, and two clear walls.
This WASN’T my room! Where was I?!
The cover of whatever I was in slid open, and I slowly got up, and climbed out of the…. Thing.
I was in what seemed to be a small room with clear walls, the ceiling being the room outside of it’s ceiling (Why would someone put a small room in a much larger room?), there was a small stand with a radio, which was probably the source of the music, clipboard and mug on it, a toilet, and what I could only assume was supposed to be a bed.
And in place of a door, was…. A wall with two frames on it.
That made no sense, and trapped me in here!
There was a small beep.
"Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center." A voice said. ...It sounded strangely… Robotic.
I jumped. “What the…?! Hello? Is someone there?”
Well, I was in Aperture Science. ….Which was ALSO the place the GAME is supposed to take place in.
….Oh no. I was inside the game, wasn’t I?
"We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper." The voice continued.
I was! I was inside the game, and had no knowledge over how ANYTHING worked! What the heck was I supposed to do??
"Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur." The voice added.
“Wait a sec WHAT?!” I exclaimed.
"For your own safety and the safety of others, please refrain from-”
The voice was cut out by static, and the light broke.
"Por favor bordóndefallarmuchosgraciasdefallargracias." The voice said, speeding up near the end.
"Stand back. The portal will open in three,”
I looked towards the wall, backing up from it.
“Two,”
This was actually happening...
“One.”
An orange portal opened inside the Relaxation Vault, and a blue one opened outside of it.
I froze.
Dragonsoul
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Forum Posts: 297
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 20:39 (8 Years ago)
@Nishi
Oops! Yeah, Lucky was right lol c: Sorry for the confusion!
eunoia
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Forum Posts: 402
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 20:58 (8 Years ago)
@Prim
I love it! Other than those mistakes the others mentioned, it looks great!

@FF2
It seems good, although it could do with a bit of editing. It has fantastic potential, however.
Dragonsoul
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Forum Posts: 297
Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 22:13 (8 Years ago)
@FF2
Oops! I was so intent on replying to Lucky that I forgot to read over your post!

Sounds great so far! Only thing I noticed was that the 'it's' in "...being the room outside of it’s ceiling..." should be its. :) Otherwise, looks good!
Luckylikeit
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Posted: Sat, 01/07/2017 22:40 (8 Years ago)
@FF2
Very nice! It could use some polishing but what story doesn't? : )

Credit to Viper
eunoia
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Trainerlevel: 27

Forum Posts: 402
Posted: Sun, 02/07/2017 00:40 (8 Years ago)
Ooooh, I had a character idea for Rogen (who was created on a whim)

I want her to be almost human-like, but she has completely icy blue eyes, pupil, iris, even the whites. She's very mysterious, hates people mentioning her last and such, and tends to be an introvert. She has canine-like teeth, and boyishly cut light red-blonde curls. She can manipulate ice, and usually makes it into a thin rod that's sharp on both ends, like a staff. But the she's actually the protector of a necklace that has a bunch of danelion fluff and a small gold charm in a little glass orb on a silver chain. It contains the hopes and dreams and wishes of all children, and she can use it to make a wish come true. Yet she has to protect it to keep it out of the wrong hands.

What do you think?
f1owercrown
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Trainerlevel: 43

Forum Posts: 269
Posted: Sun, 02/07/2017 01:06 (8 Years ago)
Thanks for having me, guys! <3

@RecklessLyrics: Sounds interesting! o: I'm excited to hear about whatever goes wrong with all of it pfft (tbh designing villains for plots is one of my most favorite things to do!). The villain could be someone who hates children or wants to brainwash children for WORLD DOMINATION pfft

And though I haven't written anything for my personal satisfaction recently, I did join a contest a month ago, so this is my most recent work! Let me know what you guys think of it. c: (I don't think copy-pasting it all here would fit within the character limit pfft)

love, love, love.

It's a sappy story about self-realization and blah blah cheesy stuff

i only think i'm cool but i'm not
Atavan
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Trainerlevel: 48

Forum Posts: 315
Posted: Sun, 02/07/2017 01:52 (8 Years ago)
Hey! I have a small blurb I would like some feedback/criticism on if that is alright.

Show hidden content

A young girl, dressed in a white dress, stood on top of the hill and watches as the war rages under her. After a few minutes, she snorts.

"Pathetic humans, this is what they asked for." She snarls and turns her head to look behind her. "Don't you agree with that Death?"

"No, I do not Fate. Why are you doing this? Do you really believe they deserve to be ripped apart by demons?" Death responds.

"Yes, I do. They were the ones who turned on us. They deserve the retribution they are receiving. You know that as well as I Death." Fate responds while looking back at the battlefield. "I feel no sympathy for what they have brought upon themselves."

"So the sins of a handful mean you can forsake a whole population?" He asks while crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Yes, it does mean exactly that."

"Then you are no better than Hell."

She turns to look at him."Do not compare me to that sniveling brat! He is nothing more than a pest that is riding on the bottom of our shoes!" She yells at him.

"He is your brother as well Fate along with War." Death responds while walking over to stand next to her. "You should respect him."

Fate snorts. "He is weaker than War is so he has no use for this family. He is always fighting with Heaven anyways. He couldn't be bothered to come join in our fun."

"This is not fun Fate, this is a massacre." Death snarls at the young girl.

"So what? It's fun for War and myself." She replies with a smirk.

"You know Life will not be happy with this."

"Aww, you make it sound like I care if she is happy."

"You should. She is your mother after all."Death replies with a hum. "The humans were her greatest work."

"They are pathetic.I would even go as far as to say that they are no better than Hell." She muses. She then laughs as the humans attempt to use magic against the demons. "She can start over with the humans. They are dumb anyways."

Death shakes his head before sighing. "Look like the battle is ending."

Fate stares down at the field and smirks. "Time to have some fun then. After all, I never said demons were not going to be punished either." She backs away from the edge of the hill before sprinting towards it.Once she is on the edge she leaps up and turns into a large, light gray raven.She flies over the battlefield, meeting up with Pestilence. "Kill them all." She commands with a large, insane smile. "No one is to be left alive."
f1owercrown
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Posted: Sun, 02/07/2017 02:13 (8 Years ago)
@Atavan: Found some minor errors with lack of comma ("He is your brother as well Fate, along with War.") and grammar (A young girl, dressed in a white dress, stands on top of the hill...).
Interesting story! I'd like to know what happened to Fate and why she's angry. Also, I expected Death to be more grim than Fate based on name alone, but I realized he was different from Devil/Hell, and I guess your Death here has a different character design!
Who are the characters of your story? o: Kinda hard to keep track of all the sudden names in one blurb, but if it's a part of a whole then it's understandable. x)

i only think i'm cool but i'm not
*-Al0la-*
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Posted: Sun, 02/07/2017 02:34 (8 Years ago)
So, uh. I dont know what to do, but Im in a writy mood rn.

Would you prefer if I continued my crossovery demigod story thing or if I did a story based around SU Gem Homeworld?
Atavan
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Forum Posts: 315
Posted: Sun, 02/07/2017 02:40 (8 Years ago)
@Skar Thank you for the feedback. This is just a small part of a bigger story that is circling around in my head. So far the characters are Death, Life, Heaven, Hell, War, Pestilence, Famine, Fate, and Heaven. Though more are expected to join.Death in this is more of a father figure then Grim Reaper base.You just have to wait to find out what happened to Fate.

@meme Uh..I would say demigod but that is my personal opinion since I know nothing about Steven Universe.So you could say I am a bit bias.