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Danganronpa Roleplay [PRIVATE]
Forum-Index → Roleplay → Private RP → Danganronpa Roleplay [PRIVATE]
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 04:04 (1 Year ago)
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"...I... I wouldn't mind. Being woken up by you."
Akari stayed silent, continuing to rub the side of his neck as his gaze was adverted. That was... Such an odd thing to say, something he chose to ignore.
"No, no. It's alright. I... Was just thinking... ...I don't want people to keep dying. Why have we even killed each other? What if..."
Akari continued to stay silent, but all movement in his hand ceased as it loosened slightly.
He didn't either, obviously, but... Did they really have a choice? There wasn't anything any of them cold do, was there? Each and every one of them was powerless against those damn bears, and their numbers only seemed to dwindle by the second. Power in numbers? Heh, good luck with that one.
Akari had already given up upon seeing the situation long ago, but... Lucian? He was still so filled with hope? Hope that there was something they could do?
Hope that everything would eventually be alright?
...But what if he was right? What if that hope was the very thing that would actually do something?
No, no he couldn't think about this BS right now. Lucian. Lucian was talking again.
"...no... Nono... The idea is preposterous. I just... Wondered if..."
"...Kaoru was right. About Hope's Peak being a family. But... We're a broken family, Akari. One that needs to be fixed. One torn apart by... Our own tragedies. Each and every one of us."
...There he was again, talking about Kaoru. And about...
Family.
...Family? Really? Is this what you would call a "family"? Being plotted against each other, murders happening left and right, the paranoia of being turned on crushing you as each day passed?
Well, he was damn right about it being "broken"... A broken family, huh. He knew a thing or two about those. A broken family is one that tore itself apart. He had no clue how Lucian intended to mend this "family" of his, but he wasn't so sure he wanted to be a part of it. Akari never signed up for this, never wanted to be a part of another "family" again.
He gritted his teeth, the grip from his hand tightening once again, but he said nothing.
"...we're all hurting, and we're all scared. And confused. And reluctant. We let the bear tear us apart from..."
"...that potential. What we all are. What we all could be. Our best selves. All... Friends. All... Happy. At least... Sometimes."
"...but, it's okay! No one else will have to die. Somehow..."
...Lucian, what the hell...
"...you have nothing to be sorry for. It's okay, really."
He closed his eyes and sighed, still refusing to say anything. Sure, he might've been apologizing excessively, but...
If you say so, Lucian.
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 04:39 (1 Year ago)
Lucian Arbred's POV
Lucian's mouth opened slightly, but he decided not to say any more. He instead slightly drew out a breath...
"K...aoooru...? Zzz... z'at you?"
His eyes widened. "H-Hey... Kubo. It's... Me, Lucian. Are you alright?" He tensed a bit before continuing. "...I think you might have a concussion, so... I thought I should get you to the Nurse's Office. Akari's here, too. He's... Here to help. I promise."
He's just a patient. Just a client.
Poor Kubo. He... Seemed so out of it.
He thinks that I'm... Her?
Must have been the concussion.
He winced.
...Kaoru.
She was... Dead.
She was dead dammit she was dead you couldn't save her you couldn't save her--
Couldn't save anyone from themselves dammit people were all bad,
People were all so bad-
No, GOOD! People were all good. They just needed to be helped.
...
They're all the same dammit they're all different dammit
...
Oh god oh god oh god
I don't want to be like that.
...
Kaoru?
Kaoru, why?
Why did...
Why...
Why...?
Why did anyone kill anyone?
Stop killing. Don't kill. Not killing. Not killers.
Why did some people kill to get what they wanted?
Why did some people...
Why were some people so cruel and merciless?
Lucian quietly hummed a melody to himself. Maybe... To calm Kubo down maybe to calm himself he didn't know dammit he didn't know he was supposed to know
He was good, he was the healer. He didn't hurt. He'd never hurt.
...he didn't matter dammit he was dead he was supposed to be dead the end roll the credits roll the dang credits close the curtain
Everyone happy smiling smiling smiling himself not part of the picture
Kaoru why did you go and...
Mei why did you go and...
Futatabi, no. Horatia, no.
...
He was supposed to be dead. Because he already was.
He was living on borrowed time. It all caught up to you eventually.
...A gun to the neck. Knife to the throat.
And in the end... You were nothing.
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 16:08 (1 Year ago)
Kubo Atsushi
Someone was saying something- Kubo tried to hear her, but her words fell away from him. They wouldn't... they wouldn't...
We can't do this anymore, Kubo.
She was leaning on the railing, her back to him. Her hair was colourless in the grim winter night. But the silkiness in it- beautiful and as clear as the moon on a cloudless night. It could've been black, like what he'd had as a kid, but it was nothing like his- so much more beautiful, no matter the length.
It moved slightly as she glanced back at him. Piercing eyes, pupils almost cat-like, colour definitely cat-like. Amber, practically glowing.
Aren't you going to say anything?
What was there to say? There was everything to do- run up to her, push her. He could see it now, see her falling over, the horror on that pretty face, those eyes closing for the last time- wind running through that rippling hair, beautiful even in death.
Maybe she wanted that.
And if she really wanted that- wanted to be pushed, wanted to make him the villain... then why the hell should he? He would never give her that again. He knew what she did with things she loved. She'd come back and haunt him forever, always the sweet little girl, the princess, the perfect angel.
Hell if I help you.
And so he turned away, and she turned away, and she fell off, and nobody ever found out, and she won, and he hated her for it- but he never lost.
But no- that wasn't how it happened.
He couldn't push her, he would never. She had to die a horrible person- the very one he knew she was deep down. She had to die and yet-
Did I kill her?
His hand found her back. She was always smaller than him- she wouldn't have been able to resist. If he pushed her, she'd go straight over- easy as that. Be dead, for sure.
A searing pain flashed through his skull. Where was she?! Where was Kaoru-
"I-I-I-" He gasped for air, but his lungs weren't opening. "L-Lu...lucian..."
Someone has answers. Please.
"Where... is she...?"
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 16:43 (1 Year ago)
Lucian Arbred's POV
Lucian's eyes widened. Oh my god. Was he... Having trouble breathing?
"It's okay, it's okay, I--"
"L-Lu...lucian..."
So... He recognized him, at least. Was he okay?
"Where... is she...?"
Lucian winced. She. Where was...
There was only one person he could mean, wasn't there?
"...Kaoru is... she's..."
...oh god. What was he even supposed to say? She's... Dead, Kubo? She's dead.
"I... Don't know where she is, Kubo. I'm sorry..."
Well, that was true... At least...
"...are you okay? I... I said Akari and I were... Going to get you to the Nurse's Office." He swallowed. "...but... I guess I could... Stay here and talk if you need that-"
He stopped abruptly. Oh my god, what was he thinking?
Was it an obligation because he was a therapist, or... Did he just want that time with-
He shook his head.
"...we should probably get you to the Nurse's Office. Are... You okay with that?"
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 16:56 (1 Year ago)
Kubo Atsushi
Nurse's office... Was that where Kaoru was?
His whole body was spinning somehow. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to curb the nausea. "Nurse's Office... take... to Kaoru..."
Did he even say anything? He couldn't make out his own words.
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 17:03 (1 Year ago)
"But I... I think it seemed pretty clear you liked her, too. And... She... She scared me, so I-- kept my distance- and--"
"....
...yeah. i guess i do
she was kinda...weird...when i first met her
...she still is weird though...heh..."
That... Conversation we had. Not too long ago. You- didn't hear it, but I don't feel right. About all the things I said to her. Oh, Idris, I... She should hate me. You should hate me."
who says i don't already?
she didn't deserve to die
i don't care if she was a murderer, she did what she had to do
all of you are weak and pathetic and couldn't kill so mei had to do what she did
if only one of you grew a backbone and had some common sense mei wouldn't be dead
i wish you all died instead
"...i don't....and i won't...cuz that's all in the past, right? Right?"
"She made me feel... Like a horrible person, and I took it o-out on her and it really wasn't her fault and I-"
...
"If it wasn't for my own biases, maybe we could have been friends. She... She had good in her, too, didn't she?..."
"Yeah."
more good than the rest of you spineless rats
i wish you were dead
i wish you were all dead
"I'm the worst. I- I'm so selfish. It's so stupid. I thought... Y-you'd be... The only one who could understand and I-"
...
"I don't- know what I'm saying. I'm... I'm sorry."
....
"She's gone... And I regret everything..."
Tears welled up in his eyes.
she's not she's not she's not she's not she's not she's not
. . .
dead
"But... Are you okay? How are you holding up? I've just been talking about me this entire time and I..."
"I'm doin' juuuust fiine, Darcy." He scowled. "How the hell do you think I'm doing? You found me, passed out in the shower. Fully clothed as well. That doesn't sound like a person who's doing okay." Idris spat.
"And I'm dumping all this on you, even now. I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry..."
"I just....ugh. I can't deal with this. I just-
Why.
Why did she have to die?"
why couldn't it...
...why couldn't it...
...have been you
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 17:08 (1 Year ago)
Lucian Arbred's POV
"No! Love, you're not going t-"
What the hell did he just say--
Lucian facepalmed, his face reddening, and he didn't know if it was more so saying that to Kubo, or his frustration at the stupid drunkenness of crushing on somebody. Oh dear god. Thank goodness Kubo had a plot-convenient concussion.
...
Kubo wasn't going to die. But...
Yeah, that wasn't what he meant. He was really out of it. Maybe... He forgot Kaoru was dead.
Lucian couldn't help but feel really worried about him. A sad sparkling occurred in his eyes as he nodded at Kubo. "...okay. Akari?" He looked to him.
Oh gosh... What was happening to him?
What if this is my fault?
No... That wasn't possible, right?
Lucian wasn't sure. He wasn't very sure at all.
Darcy Harper's POV
...yeah. i guess i do
she was kinda...weird...when i first met her
...she still is weird though...heh..."
"yeah... I... Guess she is." He lowered his head.
"...i don't....and i won't...cuz that's all in the past, right? Right?"
"But... But you should! You should hate me. Anyone in their right mind should."
The past, huh... Like that doesn't still matter.
"Yeah."
...
Something stirred in Darcy's eyes. He could almost feel a cold wind blowing, even though they were inside.
Oh god Idris was crying Idris was crying Darcy didn't mean to, he didn't mean to-
"...Idris-"
He reached out a hand, but recoiled it. No. No. No.
"I'm doin' juuuust fiine, Darcy. How the hell do you think I'm doing? You found me, passed out in the shower. Fully clothed as well. That doesn't sound like a person who's doing okay."
Darcy winced, his heart thudding out of his chest. Oh god. Oh god.
He felt like he was going to vomit.
"S-Sorry..."
...
"I'm sorry..."
His voice was such a low whimper, barely audible.
"I just....ugh. I can't deal with this. I just-
Why.
Why did she have to die?"
"Someone... Someone had to... I-- I guess..."
Don't cry don't cry don't cry
...
"I'm sorry. I should go. I ruined everything. I ruined it all. I made this worse. I make everything worse..."
He turned his face away from Idris and tried so hard not to sob. He tried so hard to stop the tears from leaving his eyes.
"...why does... Anyone have to die? Why doesn't God stop that from happening?"
...
"Maybe God didn't like her very much... Or he was just an asshole."
Funny thought... Isn't it? God being an asshole.
When the words left Darcy's mouth, they shocked him beyond belief.
"..."
...
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I ruined this. I ruined everything. I'll just... Go..."
His heels clicked ever so quietly across the floor. And dammit, dammit, mascara running again...
It was a mess. He was a mess. He was nothing but a mess.
He was just a screwup all he did was screw things up no one loved him no one would ever love him he didn't deserve to be loved
Idris did, Idris didn't deserve to have Mei snatched away from him--
...
I could have talked her out of it.
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 18:14 (1 Year ago)
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He watched silently as Kubo stirred and Lucian tried his best to comfort him, finding it best to keep his distance. The words Kubo was saying... He kept talking about Kaoru. Lucian kept talking about Kaoru.
Kaoru, the first murderer of the game. God... Thinking back to that trial was unpleasant to say the least. He wasn't sure what to think about her, especially after what had happened. He didn't dare try to understand the situation, what things were like between her and these two.
Wasn't any of his business anyways, he didn't need nor want to know in the first place. Other people, other problems, other things to think about... He didn't need that. Wouldn't do him any good anyways.
Lucian was trying to talk with Kubo. Telling him about the nurse's office, or something. His gaze was adverted to the wall behind the two, but he was still facing that general direction. One hand was still in his pocket, the other on the back of his neck now. He was just waiting, really, didn't feel the need to do anything at the moment.
Not until Kubo gave his input, at least.
...Kaoru.
Maybe it really was the concussion.
Or maybe he wanted death.
...
Not even death could save him, could it? Even if there was a life after death...
He wouldn't see her. She was among the stars, among the field of flowers.
And Akari would be burning in the deepest pits of hell. Heh, maybe he'd even see Mei there if he was unfortunate enough.
"No! Love, you're not going t-"
...Oh Lucian, you poor soul.
Akari's neck slowly turned to face Lucian, his expression slightly hardening.
You can really say that after all the s**t he said to you? After everything he's done?
...Yeah, Akari. Remember? Someone could still love another, even when being dragged through the goddamn dirt?
...Or could they?
He said nothing, only gritting his teeth and letting the hand clenched in his pockets grow tighter.
He said nothing. He said nothing, only stared.
Stared as he watched the regret and embarrassment flair upon Lucian. He stared as Lucian finally looked back at him. The sudden exchange in eye contact startled him, momentarily sending him into a shocked, frozen state. Hopefully it wasn't all that noticeable, especially not with his hardened expression.
"...okay. Akari?"
He took a deep breath, then hesitated. Guess it was his turn to actually do something for once, huh...
He slowly walked over to Kubo, still saying nothing as he hoisted the blue-haired rat head over his shoulder. He didn't bother to put in the excruciating effort of fully putting him on his back, especially considering how tall Kubo was. Even still, Akari was still supporting most, if not all, of Kubo's weight anyways, so it didn't make much of a difference. He had done this so many times in the past, so many people he had to carry, that this all just seemed like second-nature to him.
Oh how the tables have turned.
He paused before repositioning himself, turning to the door.
"...alright." He said simply, waiting for Lucian to take the lead. He just hoped he could get this done and over with soon, having Kubo on his back was... Not ideal to say the least.
At least Mei was easy, even with her blabbering on, covered in blood or whatever...
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 19:24 (1 Year ago)
Lucian Arbred's POV
Was it... What I said?
Lucian's face steamed uncomfortably. Why did he have to have such...
ANNOYING
GODDAMN
FEELINGS?
Why couldn't he just be fine and great and calm and not
...not in love with someone who would never love him back that he couldn't even act normally around.
is it... Not something I should forgive easily?
He was already dead. It was hardly an insu-
...only way to die was by giving up.
Lucian gave Akari an apologetic look as he left the room with him.
...
It's okay. Everything will be okay. Everything can be figured out. ...I hope.
Sawyer Laurens's POV
Sawyer hadn't remembered being here. What?
Ow. Well, that was annoying.
Some strange red liquid was dripping from their hands. They tilted their head.
They were holding something shiny, and silver and... Sharp?
Hands were that strange red. Object was that strange red.
"ohhhh, I think I remember what this is! Pasta sauce, right?"
...
Why was there so much-
"Why does it... Hurt?"
Sawyer felt dizzy. They could barely stand.
"Pasta sauce is... Certainly weird."
They fell onto their knees, vision blurring. Still staring at those hands. Dripping with...
Pasta sauce.
Who knew pasta sauce was corrosive?
Weird. They didn't remember that about it. Why did they feel... So tired?
"Sleepy. Sleepy sleepy."
Posted: Thu, 13/04/2023 03:44 (1 Year ago)
Kubo Atsushi
He had a view of a guy's ass. A very ugly ass, mind you, and one he did not want his face in contact with. But alas, sacrifices.. had to be made...
His eyes fluttered shut. The nausea was coming back. He briefly considered throwing up on this guy's smelly sh*it maker, but... but... Kaoru wouldn't want that and-
oomph-
That hurt. Was he being manhandled, or was his writer just trying to bullsh*t something to interrupt the endless repetitions of Kaoru trauma that was frankly paining everyone by this point? Who knew. In any case, he was still staring at an ass.
Miyako Hiroto
"Eh..?" She looked up. There was Sawyer! Holding a knife! And their hands were covered with- "Sawyer! Oh my god!" They were all bloody!
She rocketed to her feet, hands instinctively flying to protect her chest. "Are you going to stab me?" she demanded. "I-Is- is that why you're here?"
Miyako couldn't control the terrified sob that escaped her. She was sniffling, an endless stream of snot and tears going down her face. "Just- make it quick, please. If you have to kill me, don't hurt me- don't make it hurt too much." She brought her arms about herself and collapsed to the floor, burying her tears in her sweater. "Please-" she begged through muffled sobs.
Posted: Thu, 13/04/2023 04:27 (1 Year ago)
Sawyer Laurens's POV
Wow. The pasta sauce was making quite a mess. Quite the messy mess. Absolute messacre! It was getting all over the floor. Sawyer thought they traced a faint memory, of...
...
Someone warm and comforting, sighing and shaking their head. Turning on a...
Oh, of course! Water. Yes, that was what you did when you got pasta sauce on something.
Find the water thingy. Clean it.
Sawyer headed off to the bathroom, still holding the sharp thingy. Whatever it was.
Sawyer, present.
...?
Someone with pale skin and white hair was here. They couldn't see her very well. Everything was blurry blurry to be honest.
"Sawyer! Oh my god!"
"You... Know my name?" Sawyer asked, perplexed. "At least, the angel told me it was my name..."
...
"Angel... God... Huh..."
The person seemed... Afraid? Shocked?
"Are you going to stab me? Is that why you're here?"
Sawyer stiffened. "Stab... Stab. Stab. What does that... Mean? Is this the next dungeon? I... I'm afraid I don't get you, friendo. Have... We met before?"
Sawyer slowly stepped closer.
"Just- make it quick, please. If you have to kill me, don't hurt me- don't make it hurt too much. Please-"
"Kill?..."
They stiffened. Kill... What was...
...
Kill . . . ?
"Sawyer, do you know why you're here?"
"NO! I don't get it at alllll!" they pouted, crossing their arms. "I don't remember a thingamathing! Did I... Do something wrong?"
"...well, I-- it's- complicated."
"Can I see my mom and dad? Why haven't they come to visit me yet?"
"...we'll... Send them in... Soon."
"Are they... Too ashamed to see me?"
No, that couldn't be right.
Crazy.
They were crazy. Nuts. A lunatic, weren't they?
1984 was the greatest book ever invented.
Why feel any pain when you could indulge in your own doublethink that you created?
"Blinking sirens. Lights. Wee-oo, wee-oo, flash flash! Boy. Murder mysteries are fun to read, aren't they?"
...
What the...
It's not right.
"What was... Thought. The thought. I think-"
...
"I--"
Sawyer dropped the knife on the floor with a clang. A lot of the
"No, of course I'm not here to stab or kill ya, whatsername. I was just... Here because..."
...
"Why was I--..."
They paused a long moment.
"I was here to wipe the pasta sauce away. See, I got it all over my hands and stuff! Dunno what happened."
They blinked rapidly.
"How did... You know my name?"
Lucian Arbred's POV
"Okay, I... Um..." He paused. What should they do?
"...I guess we can find Kubo some medicine in here and... See if we have to bandage anything. Maybe water would be a good idea too?" he guessed.
Oh, this was so awkward.
"...do... You have any ideas, Akari?"
Darcy Harper's POV
He was a goddamn coward. Running out of the room like that. But... What if staying would have made things worse?
He winced. Nonono that wasn't true he was
He was good at least he tried to be but dammit he wasn't good he should just accept that at this point he was a horrible person Mei was better than he ever would be he was the sinner not Mei Mei was good Mei was perfect Mei was Will Mei was God Mei was not dead Mei was dead Mei was temporary Mei was eternal she was everything she was nothing-
Darcy sobbed. God, he made it worse. He always made everything worse. It was pathetic.
All life ever asked of you was to be perfect. But you'll never be perfect, or even good.
His face melted away before him into a monstrous reflection, into a sea of blood.
You're a monster. A nobody.
...
No one loves you. History will forget you.
"I'm fine... E-Everything's fine," he whispered.
He clutched at his face, desperately wishing he could tear it from his skull, and fall into little pieces.
Posted: Thu, 13/04/2023 05:05 (1 Year ago)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
He quickly set Kubo down on the cot, slightly rougher than he should've been but it didn't make much of a difference. An involuntary shudder crawled its way through his body, a small one but it was still there.
He was
...Too bad closing his eyes for even a second wasn't exactly in his best interest.
"Okay, I... Um..."
"...I guess we can find Kubo some medicine in here and... See if we have to bandage anything. Maybe water would be a good idea too?"
He glanced over at Kubo, then at the cabinets storing the supplies. Hopefully Lucian was right about it being a concussion, and not something far worse, otherwise... Yeah, whoopsies, bye bye Mr. Detector over here.
Totally wasn't being overdramatic, nope.
"...do... You have any ideas, Akari?"
Akari paused, thinking for a moment. "...Yeah... Check 'em for anything concerning, I guess..." He muttered out, moving to the aforementioned cabinets and grabbing some relief medication and an ice pack to help with the bump. His movements were sluggish, and his voice dragged a bit, but he still did what he needed to do.
"...If... It's a concussion like you say it is... Guess he'll just... need some rest or somethin', I dunno..." He mumbled in Lucian's direction, bringing the supplies he picked out over to Kubo, then handed them over to Lucian.
He wasn't exactly sure why he was so reluctant to involve himself in this any more than he had to, making Lucian do all the work, but...
Still not over it, huh? You'd think after having every single person you've helped die on you like that, you'd be over it by now, huh? You were. You were over it, you got used to it.
So why is Mei's oh so unfortunate demise shaking you up like this? Hm?
Oh well.
Posted: Thu, 13/04/2023 06:16 (1 Year ago)
Lucian Arbred's POV
Lucian nodded, and proceeded to slowly approach Kubo, carefully feeling at his head. He listened to his breathing. The bump... It didn't seem too bad to him, but... How had he gotten it? ...oh, goodness, touching Kubo like this-
...
It felt so intimate. And he felt so stupid for thinking that, DAMMIT! Because there was nothing romantic going on between the two of them. Nothing at all. He was just taking care of Kubo and trying to he-
"...If... It's a concussion like you say it is... Guess he'll just... need some rest or somethin', I dunno..."
Lucian's face reddened, and he completely stiffened. I'm- sure it's a concussion. Absolutely."
Because of course that was the only explanation. There was no other reason Kubo could have kissed him. He hadn't been able to think properly. It would be alright, there would be no awkwardness--
...
The slightness of nausea pinched at him like the pincers of a vicious crab. No awkwardness between them, alright. That'd be fine. He couldn't afford to...
To want Kubo in that way anyway.
He'd probably laugh at the very thought, wouldn't he?
Lucian attempted to shake the thought away. "...thank you... So much for helping." He looked over at Akari gratefully.
"...you might be right. He might just need...some rest."
He paused.
"I really hope he'll be alright... But, Akari, I... If you need to leave..." He looked directly at him. "...and take care of yourself, that would be okay..."
You look like you might really need it. I'm sorry for forcing you into this...
He breathed a sigh and turned to what Akari had brought over...
Lucian gently applied the ice pack to the spot. He checked the dosage on the medicine before carefully measuring the right amount.
"...alright, Kubo, um... Could you please open your mouth?"
Oh gosh this was awkward.
Still, it would be more awkward to pry his mouth open. "...can you swallow them without water?"
Posted: Thu, 13/04/2023 19:10 (1 Year ago)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Akari quickly caught onto the pure awkwardness seeping out of Lucian, letting out a silent sigh in response. Yeah that... probably wasn't a good idea, making Lucian do something of that nature considering the circumstances but...
Y'know, he would've thought someone like Lucian would be able to keep their composure, but apparently not.
...Oh well, wasn't his place to say anything about it anyways. Although... The awkwardness was pretty contagious, not like Akari wasn't already uneased already, but still.
"I'm- sure it's a concussion. Absolutely."
Akari simply retreated and stood to the side, watching from a distance. His hands had returned to the inside of his pockets.
"...thank you... So much for helping."
...Sure was weird being thanked for something as small as this, simply doing what was asked of you. Akari wasn't one to take gratitude very well, it felt unnatural in a way.
His eyes adverted to the ground. He tried to make a meaningful response, but the only words that came out of his open mouth was a small "uhh... you're... welcome...?"
Thank god it was pretty much inaudible.
"...you might be right. He might just need...some rest."
"I really hope he'll be alright... But, Akari, I... If you need to leave... ...and take care of yourself, that would be okay..."
...Hm?
He could feel the small needles on his skin. Lucian was looking right at him. Needles.
"I've... Got nothin' better to do anyways, so..."
Why was Lucian so concerned? Concerned about his well-being? He sure as hell wasn't, if he even had any "well-being" in the first place.
As much as he wanted to leave, he wasn't sure what he'd do afterwards. What, go back to his room? Be alone once again? Nah, he didn't trust himself enough to do that. He couldn't bet on the possibility of finding something else to do either. Besides, if anything happened to poor ol' him, Lucian would probably blame himself or whatever, and... Yeah, he didn't need a fifth person to cry about.
Posted: Thu, 13/04/2023 23:19 (1 Year ago)
Lucian Arbred's POV
Lucian wasn't so sure if he had heard Akari say you're welcome or not, but the ghost of a smile hinted at his face.
He was a tad worried about Kubo, though. He seemed to be also going through a case of T-Posing Because My Roleplayer Can't Post Syndrome, a syndrome which typically prevented someone from speaking, moving, or even thinking. A state where they were temporarily dead.
"I've... Got nothin' better to do anyways, so..."
Lucian sighed. There... Never was anything better to do, was there?
...
...
...
"Kubo... Please, open your mouth," he pleaded. "I need to help you..."
...
I help people. I don't hurt them.
That was all Lucian was living for. And when you lost all hope of doing the one thing that mattered to you...
What was left?
Do I just cling to you, Kubo? Because you're the essence of... Something else. Something other than what I've always known...? I... Or do I just want to help you, I really don't know...
It was funny, really. There were different types of sufferers in the world.
People like Akari, who just suffered in silence. Who basically just broke and became empty, to the point that almost nothing bothered them anymore. They fell into utter apathy, to the point that each breath, each step... Became a struggle. There was no joy and no sadness, no anger, no excitement, and no nothing.
People like Sawyer, who turned to denial. Who picked themselves up no matter what life through at them. Lived in their own precious little wonderland inside their minds, where nothing could go wrong. But Lucian knew there was only so long you could lie to yourself. They were bound to break eventually, and the thought hurt him. He'd have to be there for his friend if they fell.
...friend...
At least, Sawyer had considered him a friend. But with a warped mind like theirs, who knew if they still did? Sawyer probably considered EVERYONE a friend.
He almost missed their endless enthusiasm, and swallowed and shook his head.
And people like Mei, who were contorted mysteries, putting up millions of masks. Faces. Changing at the flick of a switch. Laughing, crying, smiling, gasping, teasing, living, killing- it all blurred together and you had no idea what was real anymore. But Lucian wasn't so sure... About her, really. She was a mixed character, but... He didn't think she was a complete monster. That wasn't who she was at all. And... Now he'd never know the full truth about her.
And there were many, many other types of people too...
He and Setsuna weren't so different. Except, Lucian had to ask himself. Would he have been able to pull that trigger? To unsheathe that knife? Could he have taken the shot, the plunge? Could he have disowned it all, thrown it all away- for a chance to save them all?
...
He would give his own life. Lucian knew that. But if it came to his life or someone else's...
He'd pick someone else.
...friends. Were he and Akari friends? Certainly not. They... Got along okay, but they were more so pushed together by circumstance. And Lucian got the feeling that Akari felt... Uncomfortable and bothered around him.
Well... What was Lucian even thinking? The idea of having... Friends was... Ridiculous.
The closest thing he'd had to a friend before all this was Kathy. And look what happened to her...
People were just... Clients. They were all clients. They just had to be helped. You'd help them, you'd guide their way off to their happily ever afters with friends and families, smiling, smiling, smiling--
And then you'd watch them walk away, with you left behi-
...
Kubo, holding his hand and kissing him on the cheek. No. Nononono.
No.
There was no hope of that. There was no hope of... Love. No hope of a future together.
Lucian wasn't supposed to have a future anyway it was supposed to be everyone else's
In an ideal world then maybe Kubo and Kaoru would be together and happy and everyone else too everyone would have their own friends and lovers and families and their own lives, Mei and Idris smiling at one another and Shi and Miyako and-- and--
And he would be the only one who was dead because he didn't matter he wasn't supposed to matter everyone would proceed as though he had never existed, because that was the way it was supposed to be, Lucian was not a person he was not a person Lucian Arbred was not a person he was a dead man he was not even a dead man
Miyako said he wasn't dead and she had to be right right was she right no she couldn't be--
Because... Then Lucian would be his own person and... And then...
He'd have his own life and... He wasn't supposed to...
What did you do when you had your own life?
He had to keep it together.
He wanted to break down crying, but he didn't let himself. He just smiled at Kubo and tried not to look as shaken as he felt.
Keep it together, Lucian.
Therapists are supposed to help people.
You don't need help. You're not a person.
"...well, I-- Akari. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I might be able to take it from here..." He paused. "...or, maybe I could... Figure out something that you could do later? With someone else or on your own?"
Structure was supposed to protect us all, Kaoru. Why didn't it work?
Why? Why are you gone? Why is Horatia gone? Why is Futatabi gone? Why is... Mei gone?
They'd all be friends in the end. It'd work out.
...
Why am I even here if I can't help anyone?
...
You will. You just have to try.
...
It's what you're here for. You're Lucian and you will always be here.
...
Because where there is darkness, you will always find light.
...Kathy?
Sawyer Laurens's POV
Posted: Fri, 14/04/2023 08:06 (1 Year ago)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
He looked over at Lucian, who was now trying to get Kubo to take the meds. Too bad the idiot was stuck horizontally t-posing his life away because a certain someone has neglected him.
This is a protest. Seren, not posting the exact moment we want you to is roleplayer abuse. Do better.
But something was different. The air shifted. Or... was it always like that? Was Akari too oblivious to notice?
Either way, it wasn't really pleasant.
"...well, I-- Akari. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I might be able to take it from here... ...or, maybe I could... Figure out something that you could do later? With someone else or on your own?"
...He was still on about that? Geez... Besides, Akari was more worried about whatever the hell was going on with Lucian. He looked... pretty shaken up right now, honestly. How did he keep getting worse?
"...Don't... worry about me, Lucian... I'm... I'm fine..." He muttered out.
"...Are you?" He paused, sighing. "Just... Don't push it, alright?"
He wished he could've said it better, at least done something better, but that was really all he could say. God, this was pretty awkward, huh? Depressing, too...
Posted: Fri, 14/04/2023 08:40 (1 Year ago)
Lucian Arbred's POV
Lucian frowned. "...if... You say so, Akari." He doesn't look fine.
The question was... Would it be better to pry about it or not to pry? It seemed like Akari didn't want to talk about what might be wrong. Prying might just stress him out, but leaving it alone might make the problems potentially worsen...
Oh, good lord. This was an awful case of T-Posing Because My Roleplayer Can't Post Syndrome. What if he didn't snap out of it? What if Serend suddenly stopped acting like a sentient rock (doing nothing) and actually posted?
"...Are you?"
Lucian's brain short-circuited. Someone had just asked him how he was doing.
What the hell. That wasn't in the script.
"...I've never been more okay. Snails are quite fascinating. I wonder why they even bother to-"
"Just... Don't push it, alright?"
"Akari... There's no matter of pushing anything. I'm... Fine."
Why was he even asking?
No one was supposed to ask if Lucian was fine. That wasn't supposed to--
Wait
If what he wanted didn't matter if others wanted what he wanted to matter then
...
Oh, good grief, that's a paradox. Lucian suddenly felt guilty for lying. But he wasn't supposed to burden Akari with his emotional issues, for god's sake!
"...thank you for worrying about me. But... How I feel... Isn't important."
Something about the words that came out of his throat...
They sounded dry, they sounded off.
There was nothing to be upset about. There was nothing to be hurt about.
Focus on other people focus on other people
"...you, and Kubo, and Miyako, and Setsuna, and Sawyer, and Darcy, and M-"
He paled.
"...and... Everyone else matter. It's alright, really. I'm okay."
Narrator: He was NOT okay.
Darcy Harper's POV
Darcy knew he had to pull it together. But... It's just...
Everything that had happened lately.
It was hell. It was an absolute nightmare.
He felt like he was being strangled.
...
"It's okay it's okay it's okay," he whispered.
"I'll just..."
He went out to the kitchen. After all, why not just return to what he was used to? Dammit. He would have to fix his makeup. It was all runny.
(Conveniently, not right now.)
He was about to start baking chocolate when he froze.
One of the knives was... Missing?
And was that... Blood on the floor?
What had happened in here?
Darcy felt nauseous. What...
What should he do about this?
Okay, calm down. Surely it's... Not a murder, right?
Should he go tell somebody?
Should he?...
A murder...
Darcy froze. No, he couldn't think about that.
Not
Again.
Posted: Fri, 14/04/2023 23:34 (1 Year ago)
Miyako Hiroto
"Pasta sauce...?" Her stomach gave a lurch. This person- they were psychotic. She had to get out of here-
But calmly.
She raised her hands in the universal sign for peace. "I'm your friend, Sawyer," she said calmly. "You told me your name, remember?" She inched towards the door.
Kubo Atsushi
Kubo was passed out. Feed him pills idk.
Posted: Sat, 15/04/2023 01:57 (1 Year ago)
Sawyer Laurens's POV
Sawyer blinked. "Yeah! Of course. That's what it is, isn't it?"
...what else could it be, really?
Because if it...
She was raising her hands. Was this part of some fun game? They tilted their head.
"I'm your friend, Sawyer."
Sawyer beamed excitedly. "Friends?! We were friends?!" They turned the faucet on and began washing the pasta sauce off, slightly jumping up and down. Funny how their hands stung. Weird. "Or you wanna be friends? YAYYYY I accept your proposal, friend. We are now friends!"
"You told me your name, remember?"
". . ."
Sawyer stared in confusion. "I... Did? When? I don't remember that... What was your name again?"
...
"You... Look familiar. I think. Are you a Ghostbusters actor or something?"
Ghostbusters? Actor?
Words.
The words just wouldn't come together. The memories wouldn't fit.
What happened, what didn't, what was real and what was not. It was all a blur.
Lucian Arbred's POV
Lucian shivered. God... Why was he so pretty? He wished he could just think about him normally. It was... It was just Kubo, dammit.
What even was it... About this boy?
Hopefully the pills would help. Would he be okay?
"...I hope you wake up, soon, Kubo," he whispered half to himself. "...get some rest, okay?"
It took all the willpower in the world not to kiss him. Especially since he was asleep, he could have done it so easily. But the idea was unthinkable, wasn't it?
I MEAN! Earlier, when I kissed him... That was an accident. And he hadn't intended to kiss me too. He has a concussion. So it was also an accident.
Augh.
Lucian hated this. He wasn't supposed to have urges... He was supposed to resist them...
Posted: Sat, 15/04/2023 16:17 (1 Year ago)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
she's wondering if this is really ch3 or if this is ch2.5 because daaaaamnnn there's so much filler haha goofy edgy angst it could rival whatever tf naruto and one piece were doing
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"...I've never been more okay. Snails are quite fascinating. I wonder why they even bother to-"
So that was a fkin lie. Oh well, wouldn't do either of them any good if he prodded about it. Not when Akari, who was also lying his ass off, could barely even hold a normal conversation, much less a deep one. Plus, it might loop back around to involve him getting personal and... Ugh, he didn't want to do that. Selfish, yes, but...
Damn therapists...
"Akari... There's no matter of pushing anything. I'm... Fine."
Broken record. Echo. That's all this was. Lies. Broken record. Echo. He shrugged, adverting his eyes slightly before responding under his breath. "Alright, sure, whatever..."
...That was a bit rude, he had to admit, but at least it wasn't like Lucian could hear it, right?
Was he getting irritated?
He didn't like the sound of that. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how much his unease was slowly turning into irritation.
Anger.
"...thank you for worrying about me. But... How I feel... Isn't important."
"...you, and Kubo, and Miyako, and Setsuna, and Sawyer, and Darcy, and M-"
"...and... Everyone else matter. It's alright, really. I'm okay."
...How Lucian felt wasn't important, huh? Sounded a lot like him, but...
They were two different people, weren't they? Akari had his reasons
Well, it's not like he knew the guy well enough to determine that. But still...
He sighed, unable to stop the flow of words coming from his mouth.
"...Look, Lucian, whatever the hell's goin on with you matters just as much as everyone else here-" He paused, realizing what he was about to say. He also noticed how sharp his tone was as well, maybe a little too sharp.
Even if that's absolutely nothing. We're all gonna die anyways. Does anything we do even matter anymore?
He grit his teeth as he thought about that, the long pause in between his words seemed to be filled with tension. He took a deep breath as he tried to lighten his tone, and hoping that whatever he said next wasn't all that harsh.
"I... I'm not gonna try to push or anything like that, but... Just... Take care of yourself too, I guess."
Hypocrite.
You goddamn hypocrite.
shutupshutupshutupshutupshutu-
...Oh.
He was scraping at his neck again. Even with those bandages, he still managed to dig deep enough to...
There was surely red seeping through by now. That wasn't good. He adjusted his coat to hopefully cover most of his neck, but there was only so much he could hide.
There was only so much you could hide.
There was only so much you could hide.
He looked back over at Kubo, then turned to make his leave. Lucian seemed to have everything taken care of, and Kubo really just needed rest anyways so...
"...I-..."
He was terrible at making excuses, surprisingly. Besides, he couldn't just flat out say, "I don't want to watch this jerk sleep for who knows how long, oh and I'm totally not trying to hide anything no siree don't worry about me!" to Lucian, that wouldn't be... Ideal.
"...Cya, Lucian... Not... much I can do now, so..." His voice was low and quiet, now that he was walking away, it became even less audible for Lucian to hear, so maybe he didn't even catch it.
And with that, he began the walk back to his room, mayhaps even running into Darcy along the way?
Find out next time on Danganronpa Ball Z!