something goes wrong

Me to Inner Me: sucks to be you.

Inner Me: WE'RE THE SAME PERSON

Me: naw fam. you're messing up your very sad and pathetic life. meanwhile, i'm a wealthy queen with a following of infinite hot soldiers who fan me with palm leaves and give me oreo cheesecake.

Sometimes I'll just be on here messaging like 5 different people and doing my homework and I'll just go to one chat and apparently I told everyone there to perform a blood sacrifice like two seconds ago and ???

I was so tired and trying to figure out what FIFA stood for and thought "fifty idiots football attack."

I think I just offended the entirety of Europe and then some.

I'm curious, so I'll ask.

How old do you all think I am?

Hot take: I'm the best user on PH and y'all just don't want to admit it.

Serendibite and Professor Rowan:
37%
The two don't seem to like each other.

Yeah, seems accurate.

PROFESSOR ROWAN, I BORROWED TEN LEGENDARIES AND SAID 2 MINUTES AND YOU TOOK 20 I HOPE YOU DIE

It's crazy how some people know so much about Pokémon on here. Like man, I sit here saying: I binge watched the anime when I was a toddler

And there are three people in the same gc explaining why different regions revolutionized the gameplay and debating over some 2004 Pokémon drama.

When you google something and your fingers are stupid so it's like: jkavhbfjd

And google lovingly looks at it, and then at you and nods in understanding. "jays eat hays" it says and you both smile at one another. Google is your only friend in this cold unforgiving world. True connection between ai and humanity has been reached.

Congratulations, Serendibite! Your Kanto-Dex is now complete!

Wow, really can't believe it... you achieved this huge goal and helped me so much with my research! I still remember the day when I gave you your Starter-Pokémon, Turtwig. Well, time flies by... I'm already getting a bit sentimental.
Anyway, the whole PokéHeroes Staff and all residents of Emera Town want to congratulate you!
Please take this certificate: it is proof of completing the Kanto-Dex.

Nevertheless, I have something else to talk about with you. I found this mysterious coloured egg recently on a Rumble Mission and I tried hard to hatch it, but with no success at all. I'm not sure if one could even hatch it - and if it even contains a Pokémon. But... the mystery behind it is fascinating me and I really want to uncover it.

I feel like it contains something very rare and special...

Do you think you can hatch it?

ABSOLUTELY YES YES AHHHHHH YES

Whenever I take longer than two seconds to get something, I say "IT'S AN AMERICAN THING, I HAVE NO CHANCE OF GETTING IT" and go off all smug while in actuality it's literally just a reference to Grade 2 math.

Last night, at 2am, I had a revelation. I realized the truth of human society. I had to immediately share it with others. Everyone on my contacts, even friends of years past have been informed.

Now, it's your turn.

I'm here to deliver a message. The truth of human society- the two opposing forces which drive a person. That which you must be told...

Slepes and crepes.

I admire people who have the ability to integrate emojis into a conversation without sounding like a boomer.

Some people take time out of their day to eat and are just like: ah yes, that was a nice aesthetic lunch.

Meanwhile, I take out cold pasta and pour it down my throat while typing out rants pertaining to the validity of random ships in obscure fandoms.

Sometimes, I'm confused because some users consistently heart my feeds and visit my profile and I'm like: why you stalking me you ain't on my friendlist.

Then I realize onesided PH friends exist and I'm just being mean and withholding that heart button from people.

-DESPERATE SCRAMBLING TO ADD THEM BEFORE THEY NOTICE-

I find it so cute how some people are so excited over the new Pokemon game. Like, this is a Pokemon fan game. That's why these people are playing.

Idk, just something about it is so wholesome and like it's going back to the roots of PokeHeroes.

I find the way people can do 180s in groupchats so funny

Like, one second they're explaining why the witch in Hansel and Gretal was right to eat children, then someone says "I'm sad" and the exact same person is suddenly a therapist.

Am I the only one who thinks Price Check should be removed? People keep relying on its prices, when it's very beyond inaccurate.

Anyway, I'm mostly suggesting this because every time I tell someone about the link to the Market Insider I sound like a weird salesperson/scammer saying: click the link. there's nothing suspicious about it. it's a ph link, i promise. CLICK THE LINK

tell me i'm not alone

I saw pokeheroes.com/bill in my other tabs. I panicked: Is PokeHeroes secretly billing me???

No, I'm billing me. Filling out your dex is so expensive...

I live with the perpetual fear that I will not pass the interacting bot-test.

As a robot intent on world domination, this is a very genuine fear to have.

Congratulations, Serendibite! Your Unova-Dex is now complete!

Wow, really can't believe it... you achieved this huge goal and helped me so much with my research! I still remember the day when I gave you your Starter-Pokémon, Turtwig. Well, time flies by... I'm already getting a bit sentimental.
Anyway, the whole PokéHeroes Staff and all residents of Emera Town want to congratulate you!
Please take this certificate: it is proof of completing the Unova-Dex.

Nevertheless, I have something else to talk about with you. I found this mysterious coloured egg recently on a Rumble Mission and I tried hard to hatch it, but with no success at all. I'm not sure if one could even hatch it - and if it even contains a Pokémon. But... the mystery behind it is fascinating me and I really want to uncover it.

I feel like it contains something very rare and special...

Do you think you can hatch it?

YES YES YESYESYESYES