Forum Thread

Title: Magikal Beach

Black: 5/0
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Calico: 7/0
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Orange: 10/0
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Violet: 9/0
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This is my To-Do List as of today. There may be a few others that I can't think of off the top of my head.

Please continue to be patient with your moronic friend who continues to always have so many things she wants to do that she constantly overfills her plate and then spirals downward as she freaks out about having too much to do and tries to regain a semblance of normalcy.

Library Books
Read Shadowdance series #5 and #6
Read the Arcana Chronicles #1-5
Read The Harbinger series #1-3
Read From Blood and Ash series #1-4
Read Flesh and Fire series #1
Read The Gods of HP Lovecraft

Write
Chapter 14 in Angel of the Shadows
Chapter 3 in Guardians of Sanctuary
Chapter 1 in Terrorific Trio and Selkie Spirit
Continue work on primary project Forevermore

Games
Try Diablo Immortal
PokeHeroes Hisuan Growlithe Event
Dissidia Final Fantasy Opera Omnia
Continue Dragon Quest VIII
Continue Final Fantasy X
Play Final Fantasy 7, 8, 9, 10-2, 12, 13-1

Other
Detail dad's car
Spend half-hour on exercise bike each day
Deal with chores and other day-to-day stress
Find the energy to take basic day-to-day care of myself and fight my depression/anxiety

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As of eight years ago, I thought of trans as nothing more than crossdressers and attention seekers unless they went through the transition. I despised neo pronouns and couldn't bring myself to call someone by those terms or It/They/Them. Even though I used they/them, it was when I didn't know the preferred pronouns and not because that's what they wanted.

About five years ago, the trans community, for the most part, gained my support. I still didn't approve of access to the preferred bathrooms or the participation in sports of the opposite gender.

Three years ago, after the realization that I kept worrying about the rare case scenario, using the bathroom of choice gained my support. At this point, I also began to support women in men's sports because I felt that they had to work harder to get on the same endurance level.

Earlier today, I made a post on Facebook and it got me thinking.
If those of you who prefer to go by It/They/Them are really sure that you don't mind it then I will respect your wishes and refer to you by your preferred pronouns. The same goes for those who prefer neo pronouns. If that's what you want, then your desires will also be respected.

And because I have been disrespected so much for various things, I finally understand the anger and frustration when strangers refuse to acknowledge your preferences. For the longest time, I wondered why you got upset at strangers who you will never meet again and who chose not to respect you, but I think I do now.

It's because, if you begin to make exceptions for people you don't know, you'll start to do the same for people you do know. And then, you'll be back to letting everyone walk all over you. Not everyone is going to be like me. Who will listen and eventually come to understand and accept you. People are going to be jerks no matter what you do. So you know what? Demand that respect. Don't let anyone tear down what you have spent years building up. Let everyone see how proud you are of yourself.

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Man, sometimes I feel people absolutely suck and that there's no hope for humanity.

Someone who once caused problems for me just by being too passionate in their beliefs is being attacked. Ironically, for apologizing for the same damage they caused while being passionate. And it just makes me so angry. Not just the turning on someone for apologizing for the way they went about things. But because you think apologies make someone a kissbutt or that it somehow invalidates their beliefs. Which, it doesn't. At all. It just shows that they've grown, changed, and understand that things could have been said or done differently. And it shows how much of a jerk you are, thinking that being rude and jerkwaddy are the only ways to get your point across.

I stopped hating this person for what happened long ago because I realized I played a huge part in my own downfall as well. Now, I know this person is a big kid and can handle their own problems. But to see someone I used to hate, being dragged through the mud like this? It's kind of heartbreaking, to be honest. As much as I am a firm believer of accepting the consequences of one's actions, I don't believe anyone should ever have to suffer for their choices, whether they deserve it or not.

But I just felt the need to say if you need to talk about any of it, my PMs are open. Doubt you'll take me up on the offer though, so will say. Don't let what people say about you change who you are. You're a passionate person who wants to help, but just goes too far sometimes. You actually do your research and know what you're talking about. If people can't tell you when you're approaching the point of too far, or leave you in the aftermath, they aren't real friends. Focus on those who not only stand by your side, but keep your moral compass straight. Always apologize when you realize you've done wrong, but never for what you believe. Keep your head up and don't let the naysayers bring you down.

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Man. If I'm not forgetting to bring my thermos with me to get a fresh cup of coffee, I don't remember to turn the coffee pot on. Both result in an additional walk to the kitchen.

Oh! I just realized that this is a perfect good in the bad moment! It might suck to have to get up and walk again or to admit how dumb I can be, but it's an extra bit of exercise I wouldn't have gotten otherwise. And at 197 pounds, I need all the help I can get. Subconscious or not. ^.^

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My first true relationship, I went into knowing it might be a bad idea, but wanted to give the benefit of the doubt. The one I'd been friends with off and on for the last 11 years, had wound up on the streets and had been for two years now. I, with my caring heart, opened my home to give him a chance.

Needless to say, I now understand why he went through three marriages and six relationships in the last 11 years. He never cared for me. Was just whispering sweet nothings to me while he stayed in my home. I spent at least $1k on him during those three months, trying to get him medical, glasses, and other necessities he'd been without. All he wanted to do was sleep 14 hours a day, game.

Well. His laziness and refusal to do anything to pay my kindness back was the last straw. But the way he treated me. Subtle guilt trips, manipulations, gaslighting, blameshifting, anger issues, etc. He was pretty much the entire package for narcissistic behavior. His lack of effort made it clear that he didn't want to improve his situation. After a week of discussion with dad, we sent him packing. And it hurts my heart so badly to know that I sent him back to the streets. At the same time, I can't help someone who won't help themselves. Nor can I mentally/emotionally (or dad financially) continue to invest in someone who wouldn't lift a finger to return the favor.

This honestly made me feel so used, worthless, and insignificant. Feelings I've spent years trying to get rid of. Trying to convince myself that I'm somehow worthy of love. There are a lot of emotions going on in my head right now, and it's overwhelming at times. On the other hand, several good things have come out of this, such as I started helping Dad out more around the house because I didn't want to be as lazy as my ex. I also learned a bit about time management and a few other things. It sucks that the best lessons are learned by going through the worst of times, but, without all the bad times in life, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the good times.

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XD My brother has a phobia of moths. I came across a meme with a pic of a hand-sized moth on a window that said: "Dude! Let me in! I'm a fairy!"

To which, he replied with two gifs of a person using a flamethrower.

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Okay. For my Sly Fox Eyes fanfic (Gijinka Eeveelutions who solve crimes)...

There are going to be 19 total involved in the Detective Agency (one for each Type). Their birthdays are going to be like Ground will be Feb 2, Fairy will be Feb 14, Dark will be Oct 31, etc. Also. Eevee will be the youngest (like 13), and Sylveon will be the oldest (32, cause my age and Sylveon is my fav)

Each Eeveelution is going to have an ability that helps them solve crimes. Examples include Empathy for Espeon, Night Sight for Umbreon, Charm (basically Truth Spell) for Sylveon, etc.

Oh! Something I thought of while in the shower! What if their eye/hair color was normally like the non-Shiny version, but when they use their abilities, it changes to that of a Shiny?! Sylveon being the exception simply because, favorite.

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Deleted

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Ahh! Played a bit of FF7 Remake, and I'm enjoying it. ^.^ Never played the original, but I've watched Dad do so. And I have played Crisis Core. Might stream it, Genshin, or Resident Evil 4 (original) tomorrow. For now, time for bed. Good night!

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*smh* I just want to say that I'm really sorry to anyone who gets dragged into the drama of two and a half years ago that involves me for whatever reasons. I wish people could let go of things and stop holding hatred in their hearts.

I'm half glad that I'm not like that, but I'm just as bad the opposite way. I'll continue to give people chance after chance, even when I know I shouldn't because I see the good in them. Takes something major for me to cut ties, and even then, I try to rebuild bridges every couple of years.

Just have to remind myself that nothing they say matters. I've learned, changed, grown, and continue to do so each day. Being a better me than I was yesterday is the only thing that matters.

Good night, everyone! Going to try to get some writing in on Angel of the Shadows this weekend. Looking forward to streaming some Genshin or Final Fantasy 7 Remake on Sunday!

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So, uhm. Gots a Puppy! Name's Ghost!

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Question. Working on fleshing out characters for the Eeveelution Detective Fanfic. And I'm wondering.

Right now, I have things like this:
Bug-Insecteon-Pierre-Male-French
(Fun Fact. Pierre is actually French for Peter, but it was inspired by the Pieridae, a large family of butterflies containing over 1,100 species mostly from Tropical Africa and Asia)
Psychic-Espeon-Crystal-Female-Romani

And I'm wondering if I should continue with that concept since I feel that even if I did the research, I wouldn't be able to portray things correctly.

Should I make them all American, but with bits and pieces of their heritage? Which would allow for some leeway when it comes to traditions and such.

Would it be best to strike the diversity part as a whole? And if I do so, do I make them American because it's what I know best? Do I place it in the Pokemon world? Or create my own world because these are just Eevee-based people. (even though I kinda wanted each to have an Eeveelution as a familiar)

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Jeez. I thought kittens were hyperactive.--Definitely proven true with our new Siamese kitten who will also gladly talk your ear off. We went yard saling, and one of them had kittens they were giving away for free. We just had to get a Siamese, as it's one of our favorite breeds. And yes. I expected meowsalot, but dang lol

But Ghost is crazy hyper, and won't stop running through and around my legs like a cat. In 8.5 years, none of my cats have tripped me, but istg, if anyone is, it's this pupper.

Also refuses to listen to me at times. I swear, it's like the first night he was here, he got lessons from one of the cats on how to annoy me. And yes. I feel my cats, jiffed as they are about me bringing a dog into the house, would gladly have given him tips on how to annoy me.

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Look. I have had a lot on my plate for five years now. Why? Because I absolutely suck at prioritizing and I tend to procrastinate HARD. I'm on my computer practically all day because I'm lazy and/or depressed. I tell myself I need to do such and such chores, but then make any and every excuse in the book to not get them done. Rarely do I actually go to bed with the feeling that I accomplished something that day. I'm not good with following through on my own routines, either. Look at how many times I stopped/started dieting and exercising. I hate the way I look while weighing 184 pounds, but simply cannot bring myself to do anything to lose weight. I write my fanfics to avoid writing my main projects, and I roleplay to avoid both. I'm currently obsessing over D4 to keep from going to D3 and grinding for the last few Primals I need before the Season ends as well as to avoid any sort of writing. And yet, I'm either going to completely space and miss the end date, or have to grind heavily for the final two days.

And yet. Knowing all this about me, you dare to assume that I used an auto clicker because "how else would she have gotten everything else done?" The fact of the matter is: I got NOTHING done. I'm a pathetic pos loser who chooses to waste her time, talents, and energy on gaming and other things that will amount to nothing instead of putting anything into true efforts to become a better person.

Does Dad know how to use AHK? Yes. Did he teach me? Yes. Does he believe not allowing it or at-home Pokemon Go playing is a violation of the Disability Act? Yes. Do I? Yes. Have I used it? Yes. Usually, it simplifies repetitive clicking processes. I don't mean like interacting. I mean like have to click ok at the top left of the screen, move to the bottom right, and then back to the top left because it's a one-at-a-time process. It's the moving of the mouse hand that hurts the most. Using a macro doesn't necessarily make me a liar or a cheater. It's what I use it for that would make the difference.

But if you want to believe I'm a cheater. Whatever. You already believe so many things about me that were either never true or are no longer true. And you won't listen. Funny. You asked me to respect your words, views, and opinions, but refuse to do the same for me. As if you've placed my existence and value beneath yours. Thankfully, at the end of the day, I still wish you well in life. I hope that you will open your eyes and heart and see the way you treat people is wrong. I still think of you and wonder how you're doing after making it out of that abusive situation, or that trip to the hospital, or that loss, etc. I have an amazingly kind and compassionate heart to the point where it will one day be my downfall. But that's okay.

I always thought I was a weak person who let everyone walk all over me. Thank you for showing me how wrong I was. Thank you for showing me how strong I am. Thank you for the destruction that allowed me to find people who love, cherish, and understand me. Try as you might, but you won't ever break me.

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Yet another shining example of my inability to prioritize and follow through on things I say I'm going to do:

*sighs* I really need to learn to tell the part of my brain that says "There's always tomorrow" to bugger off. So much to do. No clue what to do. Been forcing myself to write over the last few days to get some of this stuff checked off my list.

Notes to Self:

Reply to three roleplays
Update Bios and Storylines for my 17 characters
Add 3 chars to Bios and Storylines (20 total)

Write out the next story progression post for Morrigan
Write out a special piece for Rhoslyn

Write a piece for Catastrophic Cattery
Finish Ch 1 of Arcanum Magicka
Finish Ch 14 of Angel of the Shadows
Finish Ch of main project, Forevermore
Start Ch 5 of Guardians of Sanctuary
Start Ch 1 of Selkie Spirit
Start Ch 1 of Sly Fox Eyes
Start Ch 1 of Terrorific Trio

Play Diablo Immortal/Diablo III/Diablo IV
Play Genshin, FF7, FF15, Spyro, or other game on my PS5/Steam
Stream something!

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This is so beautiful! Kindness, patience, and understanding. You should be able to come to your parents with anything!

The other person brought up a good point. If they come to you, trusting you with their feelings of dysphoria, and you turn them away, they'll hurt themselves as they find ways to fix themselves on their own, or worse. It's best to work with them and cooperate.

I didn't believe children have the mental and emotional maturity to understand what they're saying or the choice they're making (kids are highly influential, and peer pressure exists even that young).

But you know what? Supporting your child's dysphoria doesn't mean you have to go all out and transform them then and there. Now I understand, and I'd gladly take these small harmless steps if it makes them comfortable. And when they're around 15, and want to go further, I'll fully support them.

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[Playing Diablo IV]

We're at a Legion Event.

Me: Oh, cool! There's a Voldemort and a Minerva here.
Dad: I don't know Minerva.
Me: Minerva McGonnagall. She's the Transfiguration teacher who could turn into a cat. I'm assuming you recognized Voldemort since--
Dad: Obviously *in Snape's voice*
Me: --you didn't ask about him.
Dad: Yes. He's the guy with the scar on his forehead who killed the baby in the crib that had no nose.
Me: *speechless with laughter* Omfg. I just have to post this.

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So after about two weeks, I yet again decided to stop playing Global Pokedex Plus. It, like Eclipse and others I've played, just isn't my thing. PokeHeroes is my second favorite Pokemon browser game, with PokeFarm Q being the first.

That said, I will be joining PFNew, but I will not return to PFQ. As much as I did love the challenge of collecting Spicy specials, particularly the Melanistic, the story events, the variety of tournaments, and several other parts of the game. But being harassed, stalked, slandered, doxxed, and more from some things I said THREE YEARS AGO, well. Let's just say that NONE of the other games I've played have had such a not only toxic user base but people willing to accept the toxic behavior instead of standing up against it. Thank you again to those who came to me, saying that though you don't agree with what I said, you did not appreciate one bit the way I was being treated over it. You're proof that mature, compassionate, respectful individuals do still exist.

That's saying something, considering that I've played Ultima Online Evolution and Diablo Immortal. The respective PVP and World Chats could get so hateful, vile, and disrespectful. Communities like those are the reason why, although I share my codes, I rarely game with anyone other than Dad, and two of my friends from UOE. I wanna play and enjoy my experience. Not be sent into shaking panic/anxiety attacks because the arguing sets off memories, both from my childhood and the occasions of explosive anger from both my brother and dad.

Of course, part of me is yet again tempted to leave this game. The user base is nowhere near as toxic as I remember it being 2-3 years ago. But now, a main issue with PH is that there are so many things that could be tweaked, updated, fixed, etc. This here is just a small list I put together myself of various things that I have seen others talk about often, and a few I just think would make good additions to the site. I mean. The only thing really keeping me here is the Shadows and the socialization.

I'd probably Shiny Mega hunt more if it wasn't such a tedious process. Granted, chains on PFQ regularly go 1k plus without a Melan, and up to 10k+ if you're super unlucky, but eggs hatch faster there, and you get them more often. Maybe we could add to the Breeding System. Aside from the flute (that just doubles the already low chance of getting an egg every 15 minutes), maybe we could have something like every 25 fish you pull, every 10 eggs you adopt, every 100 interactions you make, etc, has a chance to spawn an egg.

The social aspect of this site and the acceptance, encouragement, positivity, and advice from the player base I've received over the years (and the forgiveness for my behavior the first year I played), makes this feel like a safe space for me. So until it stops being that, I'm going to continue to be here, brightening your every day with my presence and occasionally my fanfics because I'm awesomesauce like that. ^.^

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Babies! ❤ I've wanted the Salamander from Frozen II from the moment I saw it. Now I gots him and a new wolfie! I can't stop crying and squealing over my babies!

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