I don't understand plane joke
Everytime I am told one it seems to fly straight over my head.

Reality is like a slippery eel, I have a hard time grasping it.

Yesterday was my cat's birthday, though, I didn't know until much later on in the day. But then again she probably woul care

I am totally fine spiders just as long as they are 3 yards away

Me: "today is gonna be a great day I can feel it"
*Immediately runs into a glass door"
Me: "OK not gonna do that again"
*Runs into same glass door*

Weeding a garden (especially the pulling out of bushes) really does a numbers on the muscle, definitely gonna feel this tomorrow.

Me when I get done with a test early: "OK everyone is still taking the test I should probably stay quite."
[Desk then proceeds to squeak like a mouse with its tail caught in a door]
Me: "whelp… I guess I'll become a statue now."

After a very long time studying (5 minutes) I have come to the conclusion that drawing a perfectly straight line without a ruler is really hard . [For me at least]

The cat wants to go downstairs but there no point to that when it's submerged underwater /: