Forum Thread

Firstly, let me state that I, by no means, intend to criticize anyone in this forum, nor do I intend to claim ownership of certain characters unless explicitly stated.

If I do, at some point, betray this disclaimer, please alert me to that through PalPad or PM and I will revise my words to make them clearer.

Thank you.


xxxxxWell.. As with many of my posts, I started by checking the box just above the post button; "Hide my signature for this post". That's a bit ironic, considering I just deleted all the content within my signature a matter of days ago.

xxxxxI've been gone for several months at this point. Four or five, maybe even six. Why did I come back? I guess I felt the need to try and fix the project I'd started, Sea Beasts... So much for that, all the people interested have since unsubscribed from the forum and taken to avoiding it; after all, I bombarded the forum with different forms for a few people in particular, expecting such haste from them filling it out that I wanted to open the signups to public within a few days. Shame on me, for that. Old habits die hard, this isn't the school building I used to wander in, where people would help Fourth-Grade-Me until I could understand it all.

xxxxxI'm not fully sure why I began to write this diary. I've got a personal information storage "Diary" with some so-so abilities that are just rewritten things I found under Creative Commons when I was younger. The ideas stayed for a while, and they popped up when I started to think about abilities; not a conscious effort to rewrite those Creative Commons ideas, but still what happened. It's not like I profited off of them, I just liked those topics so much that I took a liking to them, and wanted to become them briefly, even if just through text.

xxxxxBack to the first try of the last paragraph, I'm not certain as to my own intentions. I suppose I'm just... Scattered. I've been on and off this site for nearly six years exactly at this point; maybe I just thought it was time to take my fingers to the keyboard again and write like I did when I was upset, back in Freshman year of high school. Just write my thoughts, the little ideas that pop up. But this time, I'm not upset. I'm not even agitated. Well, I've got a bit of a headache from caffeine withdrawals and, most likely, dehydration, but I don't feel anything against that. It's just a natural process, no? I keep glancing at my phone, checking for notifications, but it's just games and YouTube alerts, nobody is sending a message my way. Not like I'd respond; I'm already writing something.

xxxxxMaybe I should address the title of this before I end this initial introduction.. "Losing Oneself." I do believe I'm lost. Some of the old friends I had here seem distant, maybe even spiteful. I close my eyes, and I see a little scene. Once, a little beast, assuming itself popular and well-loved from the few friends it gathered. Of course, it could never run for the Mayor of the Town; there wasn't enough support for it, for that. Why not get more support? Go hunt down a terrifying mercenary or monster, something that frightens the town. But then encounter it, and lose an eye. Stumble back to the town, but find that nobody wishes to be near that little beast now. It's hideous now, with that missing eye. Scare it into the woods, up a tree. That's where it belongs, where it can watch, but never partake, for fear of making another mistake.

xxxxx"A Recollection of the Recent Times Gone By." On the day of this post, it's been five years years and three-hundred sixty-two days since I made this account. But, counting the odd leap year dropped in the center of that, it's been five years and three-hundred-sixty-three days since I made this account. Of course, on the day of this post, January Thirteenth. Where did the months go? Well, let me check.. They went into a bad relationship, a good relationship, they went to the Emergency Room and into a social life filled with backstabbers. Six years? They went into middle school, surprisingly. The only thing I have left of that place... Thankfully. It's hard for the peers of a middle schooler to appreciate any sort of writing... Aside from certain genres of fiction books, save for the rare case of a middle school genius, who devours every piece of literature in the school library. Six years ago, I hated writing with a burning passion. I always pressed too hard with my pencil, and gave myself lasting pains in the right hand. I blamed the notebook and the graphite in my pencil for it, not knowing that it was simply a flaw in my mind; I couldn't control the pressure I used. In the seventh grade, I first sat down in front of a blank word document and put my hands to the keyboard. I was disturbed, back then, and decided to write a gory tale of a gladiator, whose hand had been sliced away and replaced with a sickle. It wasn't my proudest moment, as a writer, but it started something I never expected. And six years later, I think about that moment. It didn't take long for me to find the forum here, and make my first mistake...

xxxxxI've taken a bit to look back through my old gift log... I got to see old friends, people that have left the site... People that are planning to leave.. My very first plushie was from Zarkesh. It was a Weedle, I'm not fully sure what happened to earn me that bug, but it's an ancient little memory... Farewell, Zarkesh, when you do go. You've changed so many lives here.

Continuing Later, And Signed By My Old, Deceased Names,

Interna_Chaotica
Gilded_Empress
The_Blackguard_Empire
Goat~Mum
Dafitfish5

May you, who identified me in the past, rest easy; you set the stage for this whole thing.

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xxxxxA bit delayed, by two to three days, depending on the location of the reader. That's my bad, I lost track of time. Last week was midterms for the school, so my sense of everything was thrown violently off. That being said, I had a total of seven credits available to earn from passing those tests, and successfully earned seven credits this past semester. I expected a horrible failure in a few classes, considering I only had vague ideas of what I was reading, but I never got below an 80%, which is.. Splendid. That's a B average, for the American grading system I'm stuck in. Not much happened, aside from those midterms in the last week, so... Not very much to report on for the past week. However, there was a pretty fun event before today. It's been going on for a while, since I've been nearly obsessed with the Global Trade Station. I've actually been circulating my wealth, not sitting on it, so I've been gathering more materials, beasts, rare items... It's been great.

I suppose that's it for now, since I've nothing more to report. Maybe next week, I'll go a bit further into the past. A couple years, maybe?

Continuing Later, And Signed,

Interna_Chaotica

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xxxxxSaturday again, hm? Time is flying, over here. I swear, I was just writing that last post a few hours ago... I guess it's just been rough, trying to settle into the new shcedule of Semester II of my senior year. It's gonna be hell this year, I can feel it. Well, this semester. Last semester wasn't so bad. I got the freedom that came with having a free period in the afternoons, I got to go home as soon as third period ended... I figured I'd have a similar scenario this year. But now, I've also got a free period for first period, not on the same day as the other free period I've got. That, let me tell you, was a total mistake. I'm struggling to figure out if I can sleep in or not half of my days, and the other half I'm usually late to class. Not like I'd want to go to my first period class. It's Probability and Statistics, an advanced math class. And it's full of the worst people in my school. Homophobes, racists, misogynists... And they hate school. Hate it. They only show up so that they can skip their later classes. They don't listen to the teacher, they don't respect her, or all the work she does to teach us. They mess around, play phone games, tell her off, cuss her out... All because they took one of the two available math classes. The other math class? Accounting, with a different teacher. Simple, extremely simple. The only reason any of those guys aren't taking it is because they can't figure out how a computer works... It's... Sad, honestly. They fried their brains with whatever they're buying off the highway, and now they're taking it out on that poor teacher... She didn't work for a Doctorate's degree for that long to be disrespected by high schoolers with no future...

xxxxxHappier topic now, hey? I'm finally getting back into the roleplaying scene, after such a massive absence. Of course, I had to go to the first Hunger Games roleplay I spotted... And as luck would have it, it was one that involved supernatural abilities, a nice little callback to TGGAkane's Supernatural HG RP series. That was a fun time, when those ran. I could almost always count on clicking the forums and seeing one either active or starting. Another one I've signed up for, made by ~Fahrenheit~, is getting delayed, but we've all got hopes that it's starting pretty soon (Hey, Fahren, if you read this - I hope you're doing alright, and nothing's been too stressful). It's going to be a new sort of roleplay for me; a sort of slice-of-life, if that life you're slicing is a fashion model with a major personality flaw behind closed doors. I can't wait, it's gonna be really fun. I've seriously missed getting to write with the people here... On that note, a shameless plug before I sign this off...

I've got a massive project underway, I'm opening it to the public for sign-ups really soon; come check out Sea Beasts, and "sea" if it catches your interest!

That's it for now; no deep-dive into the past this time, only some good news and some awful scenarios.

Continuing Later, And Signed,

Interna_Chaotica

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---

xxxxxSo... Not a wonderful week, this last one. Terrible to report, but relieving to share. Let's start most recently, and go from there.

-I was forced into attending a small, exclusive country music concert that was put on by a famous man I'd never heard the name of. The room was too small, the acoustics were hellish, and the speakers were far too loud. The small room reeked of spirits and was stocked far too full with drunken adults. I was the only person under twenty that was there.

-The school week was painfully slow, and neither classes nor play practice were at all enjoyable. I went from an intolerable class to an aggravating drama practice this past Friday in a matter of seconds. I also gave up on an idea for my senior project, but I've found potential in another idea.

-I've just been feeling generally low. I've had to take a few leaves of absence from communities I'm usually very active in due to some minor mental strain, and the guests to those communities don't make it better.

-I haven't been performing as well as usual, in terms of the games I play... It's only been this week, and it seems as though it's a mixture of the previous point and my... Less than incredible internet connection.


xxxxxSo.. My week, summed up. I wish it had never happened. On this Saturday night, I've felt a little low; I keep spotting things that make me think of people, but when I go to check in on those people I find an unpleasant surprise; they've vanished, or they've manifested hate for me in some form... It's an odd feeling, in all honesty. Leaving for months, then returning to something you never even knew had happened. I don't even have the smile for a signature this week... Something small, that's all there'll be..

Cheers,
Chaotica

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xxxxxHah, well, that weekly post went poorly. Five months gone by, but I've finally opened my browser again. Time to check the same pages I used to, start the loop again; but this time, like a rebirth, I'll go about it differently. A new point of view. A new take. A new skill, even. New ideas, too. Nothing can stop the Flow of Ideas. It's eternal, and always shall be.


It's nice to be back.

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xxxxxAh, once more I begin the tale of the past week... It's been an interesting one, for certain. Well, interesting to me. The outside eye might find it bland or monotonous. Then, maybe, on to the personal Pokeheroes news, the weekly poem (drafted by yours truly), and some miscellaneous knowledge.

xxxxxI began work as an electrician's apprentice four or five weeks ago now, essentially doing everything that my 60 year old employer doesn't want to do. Granted, his side of the bargain is being held up; I'm learning the trade, however slowly. This last week, we ran a primary power cable from a service to a trailer house, which turned out to be several hours longer than it needed to be, due to that same 60 year old employer forgetting to lay out the ground wire... We put in some electrical boxes in the framework of a house, soon we'll be running cable. Then it'll be Plumbing's and HVAC's turns to crawl around the sawdust and mosquitoes. We repaired one rich lady's remotely controlled lights, her grandchildren had managed to fry the receiving node by fiddling with the switch too much... Thankfully, nobody nagging at me to move a car that isn't mine or anything of the sort.

xxxxxOnto the site news! I found an enigma stone in my backpack and figured I'd use it; no point in letting it sit. I sought reservation in one roleplay, but it seems as though I won't get it, and have successfully signed in to another. The slots on that second play are full though, so no new joins.. My apologies. It would be Welcome to Reformation, created by one ~4PR1L. It's going to be a lot of fun. I discovered a beast I'd yet to have heard about, and grew more exasperated by the expanding nature of the Pokémon universe... They managed to add a third evolution to Pawniard without anyone batting an eye at that. In a whole new region. That just appeared out of nowhere... Sometimes the logic of these massive game and TV show series just makes me flinch...


"Nix the Next"

See, progress isn't from one and another
It's not just a series of tries
You need to consider the eternal tether
The successes are great, but the failures aren't lies

Once in a while, now and again
Consider taking a step back
Count up to eight, then up to ten
And write down results for that path

Nix the next trial
Prepare to redo
Sure there's a pile
But it's all useful to you


xxxxxI've also gotten back into streaming some games... Inconsistently, of course, but I'm trying my best. I'll be ThatTerrariaThing on Twitch, and as luck would have it, I'll be streaming some modded Terraria after I finish this post.

Glad to Be Writing Once Again,

Interna_Chaotica

---

Two days late, apologies. Wounded my finger over the weekend, couldn't write much.

xxxxxThe past week, plus these two days, have been interesting... As always, I suppose. Today was awful, though. My boss has been unbearable. Nothing really to write about though, nothing to say about anything.

xxxxxThe roleplay is going alright, it's been very fun thus far.

xxxxxFound a new server on discord to write on, making some new friends there as well. Good fun, very enjoyable.


"Fie, You Fool"

Take a minute and think, alright?
You're not the wisest to do this
You think you're the first ever to take flight
But honestly, you're just a goldfish

You forget, thirty seconds
Blame it on others
We all hate your presence
Even your brothers

So fie to you, fool
You foul incompetent
Just rip away the tool
You're just too confident

---

xxxxxAnother Saturday night, another journal entry. I can't even be sure anyone reads this, or if I'm just writing it for my own satisfaction. Probably, the latter, knowing me; every joke I crack is at my own expense, but for my own amusement. You realize mysterious things when you write about yourself. Seldom have I done that before this journal, and even then, it's more of a report than a self-assessment. Perhaps I should try that some time...


xxxxxWell, on to the past week, hey? I managed to injure another finger, this time it's my right pointer finger. Last time was my left ring finger, and that was a laceration. This is a gouge wound, which means it'll take a while longer to heal, but it thankfully didn't draw any blood. Just needs to put every layer of skin back on over the top; not too difficult, yeah? Work was warm, uncomfortably so, but it wasn't too difficult. My boss still gives vague instructions and gets upset when I interpret them in the most logical way. Nothing new there, but the least he could do is realize he's... Not clear.


xxxxxThe roleplay with ~4PR1L is on hold for a little while, several people in there have taken a step away to focus on real life. School is starting up again, I suppose, and certain jobs are most definitely seeing an increase in calls. Just need to wait a little while. Between my schedule and the rest of the crew's, I'm fairly confident it'll see a revival in the next 4 weeks. Now, on to the poem...


"One Million Years"

In one million years
I'll be dust and ash
Water in the sky, sea, earth
I'll be energy and food
For anything that still survives

But in one million years
Nobody will remember me
Because I won't be dust and ash
Water in the sky, sea, earth
Energy or food
Because nothing will survive

xxxxxTwenty-seven days, nearly a whole month, since I last forgot to write an entry. I've got some wonderful news, though! I no longer work for a narcissistic old man who regularly used substances on a construction site and while driving. My thanks to the Norns, such a stroke of luck was destined to happen at some point. I'll be putting in an application for the local bookstore on Monday, my hopes are that I'll get a position there.


xxxxxNothing else to report, though - a very slow, quiet couple of weeks. So, on to the poem, hey?


"Lest We Forget"

Take care, O Wanderer
Wander only in body
There is a realm of thought
Which betrays your plot

You follow a path
As it always should be
But take heed to remember
Maybe every December

Think of your family
Your friends and your loves
Lest we all forget
What they've given us yet

xxxxxWell well well, inspiration strikes me at the best of times... Job hunt, a dead end for now. The games I play, getting a little old, a little repetitive... But! I've been struck by the divinity of something to bring an idea to my mind, the stagnation vanishing at last. I have, at last, discovered a latent idea settled in the depths of my head, and it shall come to be.


xxxxxBut aside from that, nothing to report... For now, that is. Be on the lookout for the post I'll make today, I hope I can still captivate an audience with my writing. I can't say I've ever been quite so excited to write something large, but it seems that today is a change for that.


"Receive This Warning"

Ahead of you, you'll find a path
It splits, it winds, it carries wrath
Care not for rage that it may share
Pay heed to tread lightly, to give a care

Watch your step upon this trail
Something behind may indeed tail
But listen not to what it screams
Pay only mind to mindless dreams

And with these dreams and light steps
Discover yourself within these wrecks
Your heart, your soul, your endless checks
All at once, prepared and set

xxxxxA week gone by, and Echoes of Passing Time has been drafted and posted to the public forum. I'd hardly finished the first post before reservation requests appeared in my notification feed. I'm honestly astonished - I hadn't thought my writing quite so interesting to others, though now I find myself dumbfounded. I'm hurrying to put the rest of the roleplay together, finalizing the form, fleshing out the rules, ensuring it's tailored to the proper audience... Something that I missed doing, admittedly. I hadn't realized before this past week, but I truly did have a sort of hunger for posting participatory stories in these forums.


xxxxxOtherwise, not a lot to report; the work to bring firewood in for the winter has begun, progress is being made with sorting out everything which needs sorting before winter strikes... But, aside from that, nothing interesting. On to the poem? A bit of a joking one this time around.


"Hail, Hammer"

O, most worthy of tools
The striking force
Hand it not to fools
Else it's an injury source

The hammer, a god's weapon
His friend, adding to that
While a nail it may threaten
It too threatens the gnat

A mighty instrument
Though just weight on a stick
The craftsman's implement
Where might we be without it?

xxxxxHail, readers! It's been a month by, but the silver-tongued god of tales has been working his mysterious ways again. Working in a restaurant has been nothing but pleasant, though it's given me little time to write down the ideas that tumble and swirl like storms of the sea through my head. I am drafting a new story of the Empire, so please do keep an eye out for it, I hope to make it a dashing and enjoyable tale to reveal some of the more niche facts and ideas in the world of myth I've created. And, with hope, I'll be able to keep up with my spiraling mind as the ideas grow and fade.


xxxxxOther news, nothing much. Echoes has fallen into the RELICTA status, alongside Sea Beasts, but it couldn't be avoided. People are busy, and not very many of my old comrades still play in these forums. However, I hope to keep my skills with the pen sharp with stories I can make on my own; relying on others can be difficult, especially when you have more free time than them. My mind hungers to pour these ideas onto a page, and delays will not be tolerated by it. However, there are far too many of these fresh ideas; too many for stories, not enough for poems.