Forum Thread

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Keimato and Nailswa

tw// medical evacuation as caused by cheesits, general weirdness

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It was an ordinary day at Hope's Peak Academy. On one end of the room, Femi was rocking back and forth, muttering to himself, "Suko! Suko! Suko! My only characterization!" On another end, Hisoka was eating cheesits. Majikaruman cheered him on through each gag-filled bite. "You can do it, Hisoka! This bastardization of cheese and American culture combined has nothing on you! Your stomach is strong!"

So yes. What a nice, ordinary day. Buraddo was glad to have it- they hadn't had one in a while. She shuddered to think of the flamingo/flamenco confusion yesterday...

The only strange thing was the absence of the Keiki and Niwa duo- commonly referred to by those such as Kowai and Suko (The less than sane ones) as "Kiwi". Kiwi hadn't shown up all day, even for the Hisoka cheesit challenge. Keiki would have wanted to see it, and probably have dragged Niwa with them.

"AGHHHHH!" Keiki's high pitched scream reverberated throughout the corridor.

Ahhh, there they were. Probably slept in, having spent the entire night doing weird things in Majikaruman's lab...

Then a BANG! Buraddo jumped to his feet. Across the room, Majikaruman had abandoned the moaning Hisoka on the floor. He tilted his head questioningly at Buraddo and she shrugged back.

Time to see what the frick was going on!

She abandoned her chair and headed out into the hallway. Keiki was sprawled on the floor, outside their shared dorm with Niwa and a strange invisible presence that only Niwa seemed capable of occasionally detecting. That was a run-on sentence. Okay, Keiki was just sprawled on the floor and their only dormmate Niwa was next to them, screeching at the top of his lungs.

"What happened?" he asked. This should be sufficiently more entertaining than Hisoka's death by American Culture Overload.

"SOMEONE STOLE MY MAGNIFICIENT FACE!" Niwa screeched. "OH MY GAWD, NIWA, HOW COULD YOU? I ONLY HAVE YOUR PATHETIC LIMP NAILS NOW!"

Wait a second... there was only one person in the school who could impersonate a valley girl so effectively while screaming at the top of their lungs...

"Keiki?" she ventured.

The Keiki on the floor was sniffling. "The heels! They're machines of death! The trees blow with ominous winds! I have been cast down into the hearts of-"

"Oh shut up, if you were cultured at all, you'd be giving me back my body instead of reciting Shakespeare. Pfft." Maybe-Keiki put their hands on their hips. "Okay, Magic Guy, tell us what you did to our bodies."

"I must admit, I am remarkably fascinated." Majikaruman peered over Buraddo's shoulder. "I didn't realize that anyone in this school could read the language of witches effectively enough to actually cast such a spell."

"So you don't just perform magic tricks?" That made a lot more sense, now that she thought about it. There was obviously no other possible reason that Hisoka might consume such an enormous amount of powdered-cheese under someone's orders. Hmm, she might like some of those magic spells for herself... And not for Megami's sake, despite popular opinion. "That's cool. Show me sometime?"

"This is not a joke!" Maybe-Keiki stomped their foot and nearly tripped. "Niwa! You need heels! I can barely walk in this form! You clumsy lurking oaf!"

Maybe-Niwa stopped sniffling for a second. "Wait, so you can't walk without heels? Oh! I have an advantage over you for once! This is amazing!"

Cutting into Maybe-Keiki's sputtering, "I need some explanations. What happened?"

"Well, it all began when Niwato and I decided to invade people's personal space..."

It was a maybe-sunny maybe-cloudy (Keiki didn't think to check, and Niwa was inconsistent in his account) day that Keiki and Niwa were eating in the cafeteria, discussing the talents of their fellow Ultimates.

"Chuku? Isn't she the Ultimate Librarian?" Keiki wrinkled their nose in a cute way (Niwa's account).

"Yeah, but she didn't recognize any of the references I shot at her." Niwa crossed his arms, pouting in a "stupid way" (Keiki's account). "Ultimate 'Loser' is more accurate."

"Ehhhh- well that's better than your talent."

Niwa's cheeks flushed with angry heat. "Well! Yours isn't that much different!"

Keiki sputtered. "Why you-"

"We all have lame Ultimate Talents," Niwa sighed. Keiki snapped their mouth shut. "It's pathetic, how much we idolize ourselves." His eyes took on a distant look. "Those who idolize themselves jam a nail into their souls- stabbing anyone who gets close, and harming themselves for it."

"Eh? Souls?" Keiki wrinkled their nose. "That's lame. Bad metaphor, Niwato."

Niwa grumbled a bit.

"But I get what you mean! Hisoka, Majikarumamanani- whatever that gawd-awful name is- we're all so stuck up!"

"Majikaruman." Niwa tucked in himself. "He's... the Ultimate Magician. He must be confident... It's to do with the job..."

"Eh? Refuting me, Niwato?" Keiki laughed at his horrified expression. "Oh shush, don't worry. I'm kidding. You're right, you're right. Hmm." They thought for a minute. "Are you right? What do Ultimate Magicians do anyway?"

"Perform, obviously. Magic tricks."

"Hah, sure. An Ultimate based around that? The bear has better taste than that."

"Tutus."

"...Point taken."

"If you want, we could infiltrate his Ultimate Lab-"

"So in a burst of uncharacteristic bravery, Niwa suggested we go to Majikaekaema's Lab and rob him," Still-Probably-Keiki finished.

"...That is not what happened! You suggested it!"

"So how did you end up like this?"

Niwa and Keiki both exchanged a grim look and gave a firm shake of their heads.

"O...kay." Buraddo didn't know how to deal with this, so he just put it in a box for later. "That story explained nothing. Please try and censor unnecessary details later."

"Later? No! We're getting me out of Niwa's pathetic heelless body!"

"Hey!" Niwa protested weakly. He watched as Keiki twirled around him, staggering through runners shoes. Buraddo agreed with Keiki. She did not want Niwa's body to die under Keiki's care. They were already careening towards the pool, where they would inevitably fall in and drown, leaving the world one Keiki short forever.

"This is really quite fascinating." Majikaruman peered at Niwa. "I suppose I can search my collections for the cure. But it will likely take time. This doesn't seem to be of the traditional magic at all."

"Blame Keiki," Niwa mumbled. "They were the one who tried to eat the book..."

"...Right. Well! Give me some time, and do your best to stick in! It'd be best to keep this as fuss-free as possible, so that no one strangles either one of you!"

Screeching burst from the Living Room. "NIWA!" "WHY!" "MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!"

...

Niwa kicked off his heels and headed after Keiki.

Welp.

Buraddo wasn't their nanny anyways. And the Hisoka cheesits contest needed a supervisor to ensure the victim received adequate medical care afterwards.

She would later come to regret that thought.

...

The first victims were Suzume, Megami, and Koda. Suzume and Megami were being overly sappy, as per usual, in a dim and empty room. Koda was sipping lemonade and avoiding eye contact.

The perfect scene. Dim lights, husky words, an unwilling third wheel creating just the right amount of awkward tension for a kiss scene.

And then the door burst open and a screaming Kiwi duo collapsed inside.

"GET OUT OF MY BODY!" Niwa screeched.

"Do you think I want this?" Keiki sobbed. Niwa lifted up a heel and started smacking Keiki with it. "OW! That actually hurts! Please stop-"

"Is there any reason why you're here?" Suzume cut in. She looked incredibly displeased. She glared at them all and tugged Megami closer. "Isn't there a Hisoka-torture show you two should be attending?"

"I'll take their place," Koda offered.

"No. They don't have your aura of wanting to kill everything in the nearest two metre radius."

Koda frowned, but sat down.

Niwa sat up suddenly, still straddling a sobbing Keiki. "Wait, Koda? Oh my gawd- KODA!" He jump-tackled her in a hug.

Koda squawked, trying to push him off. He sobbed into her shoulder. "MY HEELS, KODA! THEY'RE GONE! I HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

Suzume cocked an eyebrow. Keiki was still moaning on the floor. And Niwa wasn't retrieving medical attention... and that stupid, fake accent...

"They must have body swapped," Megami breathed. "I didn't know that was possible."

"Apparently it is. Despite breaking every law of physics."

"HELP ME!"

"Keiki- er, rather- Niwa might make a good third wheel, don't you think?" Megami toyed with her hair in a way Suzume found very cute. "Maybe we could kidnap him? He doesn't seem to be doing very well in Keiki's body..."

"The only person I want to kidnap is you." Suzume's brain aborted, but Megami smiled, so hopefully that sounded good. "Er- yes. You're the only special one. The special."

"I think that reference killed me inside," Niwa-in-Keiki's body muttered.

Suzume glared at (him? them?) Niwa. "I thought it was romantic."

"It was very sweet." Megami smiled and Suzume fell in love with her all over again. "Don't worry, Suzu- nothing you say can make me feel bad."

"Oh, Megami-" she breathed.

"Oh, Suzume-" her beloved returned.

"AGH!" Koda dislodged Keiki and retreated to her corner. She bared her teeth in a hiss at Suzume. "Stay away! No touchy!"

"MY HEELLESS BODY! IT'S TOO WEAK!" One of Keiki-in-Niwa's body's heelless feet smacked into a candle.

Everyone watched as the glorious Pure Passion ( Valentine's Day Special!) candle sailed through the air.

And landed directly on Koda.

"aGHHHHHH!"

"We need a new third wheel," Megami said regretfully.

"We need to figure out some rules about murder," Suzume agreed. "That probably counts."

Niwa and Keiki managed to roll out with their respective hinderences (no heels + crippling damage dealt by heels) and leave the room to burn.

"Now, where were we?" Suzume clasped her hands together and gazed into Megami's eyes.

Koda's screams rose to a crescendo.

...

...

Nagisa and Redmonda were the next victims. The two were going about their own business. Nagisa was cooking something, which was probably not Akihiro or a sentient carrot. Redmonda was looking after some plants.

And then the Kiwi duo rolled in and Nagisa nearly had a heart attack.

"Oh no!" she yelped. "Has a murder happened already?" He was already hurrying to their sides, checking them for injuries. Thankfully, they seemed alright. That was, until Keiki started talking.

"I want to go home!" they sniffled. "This is terrible! I do not-"

"Oh no!" Nagisa gasped. "Keiki's speaking like a Shakespearean actor! Redmonda, get a tranquilizer and Suzume! I hope we don't have to begin surgery-" he wrang his hands out nervously. "And Niwa! Please, tell us what happened-"

"Uh, no way. Like, you're totally mistaking both of-"

"Niwa!" Nagisa launched herself at Niwa.

Unfortunately, she overshot and slammed into Redmonda.

Both of them fell into the oven.

Inside of the closet, Akihiro cackled. "Just as planned!" She laughed evilly. Then paused. Was that-?

"NO, MY FRIENDS!"

GOD, WHY WAS AMANO CREEPING IN THE CLOSET? HE INTERRUPTED MURDER PLANS!

Sadly, the Kiwi duo left before they caused more chaos. And Amano saved Nagisa and half of Redmonda.

Time for Akihiro to figure out some more plots...

...

The kitchen was not directly attached to any rooms. And thus, Kiwi rolled through the halls, screaming about heels, and bumped directly into the Hisoka medical team.

Femi and Nakata were being supervised by Buraddo as they moved Hisoka down the hall. Suko was bothering Femi, and perked up as Kiwi approached.

"Hey! Green eyes! Brat! You're here!" They skipped up.

"DON'T TOUCH THEM!" Femi and Buraddo screamed as one.

But Suko was never one to listen to public opinion. So they touched Kiwi and-

They were caught up in the roll. Femi, Buraddo, and Nakata were faced with a ball of impending doom.

"MAJIKARUMAN!" they all screamed.

Everyone ran, even Hisoka. (He wriggled).

...

"This is quite the conundrum you have." Majikaruman peered at the two. Thankfully, with the combined efforts of Nakata, Chika (who had come from a nearby room), Hisoka and Buraddo, Niwa and Keiki's heeled/heelless forms were pinned down. (Suko had kidnapped Femi to "protect him from the possessed Greeneyes".)"You say they started rolling down the hall?"

"Yes," Buraddo shot back. "We've told you that, like, twice. If it weren't for the sake of skipping a few lines of dialogue, you shouldn't be asking that." She narrowed her eyes. "Now. Fix them."

"Well, it's clear they can't adjust to each other's bodies. More likely than not, their souls are rejecting them for reasons."

"Niwa doesn't have heels," Keiki grumbled.

"Keiki's hair tickles my neck," Niwa admitted sadly.

Keiki gasped. "NIWA, HOW DARE YOU?!"

"I'm sorryyyyy," he wailed.

"Well, what can we do?"

"Hm. I'll try a few things. If it comes to it, we can give the Niwa body heels, and cut the Keiki body's hair."

"CUT MY HAIR?"

"I DON'T WANT TO WEAR THOSE MACHINES OF DEATH!"

"If you're going to go around rolling over everyone otherwise, then we have no choice." Buraddo sighed, pinching her nose. "Alright, Majikaruman. Do your magic."

Niwa and Keiki screamed in protest.

And right they were to do so, because things would only get worse from here on out.

As Majikaruman attempted to cure Niwa and Keiki (suggesting that "Keiki" start putting on some fake nails to coax the real Keiki's soul back into their own body), suddenly, another transformation occurred, resulting in a rather confused Hisoka.

He had been observing some wine in a case, and imagining it to be the stained surface of the water. Stained with... blood, perhaps? Probably everyone's blood. He happened to be the closest to Majikaruman when he was attempting to cure "Keiki" and "Niwa".

Suddenly, he couldn't see all too well, bumped his head on the glass, and it shattered on the ground. It was as though he was magically shorter! Hisoka fumbled around... he could... vaguely see out of eye holes?

Oh no.

Majikaruman, or Maji, on the other hand, was fretfully feeling at his face. Or- rather- Hisoka's face!! "MY MASK, MY MASK! WHERE IS MY MASK? I NEED IT TO LOOK LIKE A SMILING DERANGED PSYCHOPATH!"

Then, Majikaruman realized. He was now Hisoka. Hisoka was now him. He facepalmed. "How did this happen?! I was just trying to turn Niwa and Keiki back!"

Hisoka was laughing for some reason. "Well. I guess this means I can finally find out what you look like under your mask, Maji! I'll just go look in a mirror!" On the inside though, he was thinking, Good GOD, what is this?

Probably Keiki was wailing in dismay. "Oh my gosh, no! At this rate we'll all be switched around!" they whimpered. Probably Niwa came over and patted them on the shoulder. "Calm down, Keiki... we'll figure this out. I think."

As the chaos grew, Kowai was sitting high up on a perch watching everyone. Unbeknownst to them all, 'TWAS HER, causing all this chaos! She had stolen some chemicals from Suzume and Majikaruman when they both weren't looking and was switching people around for the fun of it. Also... she did have a plan to this as well.

"NO!" Suzume and Megami broke into the room. "KODA'S DEAD, WE NEED A NEW-"

Then they both tripped.

"SUZUME!" Suzume screamed.

"MEGAMI!" Megami screamed.

"Oh, looks like they switched around."

"NOOOO!" Nakata ran away screaming.

"I WON'T LET YOU!" Hisoka (Majikaruman) tackled Majikaruman (Hisoka). "MY FACE IS TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR THE EYES OF YOU MORTALS!"

"YOU SEE MY FACE ALL THE TIME, AND IT'S FREAKING GORGEOUS!"

Chuku was panicking in the corner of the room. Had they figured it out-??? Because of her panic, she failed to notice Nakata running towards her. And then, she was the one running into herself because-

"OH GOD!" Chuku in Nakata's body screamed.

Kowai clapped her hands and walked away. She pretended to do it for dramatic reasons, but in reality, she didn't want to risk this body-swapping fanfiction plot convenience happening to her.

...Hours later.

"So, it seems like anti-magic potions can kill it." Maji and Hisoka walked through the door in their respective bodies. The whole room was burning in various places, and several bodies were collapsed on the floor.

Like the undead, they rose up as the voices of hope came to them.

"Gimme!" Nakata begged.

"Wait, I actually want to keep this body-"

But Nakata-in-Chuku's-Body was already swallowing it.

"Noooo-" Chuku-in-Nakata's-Body began.

"NOOOOOOO!" Actual Chuku finished.

"Successful swap!" Majikaruman clapped his hands together.

One by one, the pairs were successfully fixed. Suzume and Megami were the most annoying ones.

"Oh, your body is the nicest to be in."

"No yours is."

Majikaruman poked his head in their personal space a few times, and when he got no reaction, he just injected Megami-in-Suzume's-Body with the potion. She didn't seem to notice. Geez, she probably wouldn't even notice if she was being murdered.

Only Niwa and Keiki remained. Majikaruman, Hisoka, and Chuku hovered in the room around them. Maji looked worried. Hisoka looked constipated. And Chuku looked like her dog had been brought back to life, and shot in front of her.

"I'm out of potion," Majikaruman admitted. "Uh. So. I'm sorry. Sorry!" He grinned.

"Don't you have anything else?" Niwa begged. "I need to be out of this body!"

"Niwaface! I don't care what you have to do! Win his heart if you must! Just get us out of here!"

"Um." Majikaruman blinked. "No. I only like Hisoka."

"Wait, you do?" Hisoka squinted. "I think we need to talk about this. Preferably alone."

Majikaruman brightened up. "Excellent idea!" He turned to Keiki and Niwa. "You two can go uh- search through my lab or something. Maybe you'll find a clue?"

"That's a terrible idea!"

"Welp! That's all I can think of! See y'all later!" And Majikaruman popped out of sight. Hisoka suspiciously vanished with him.

Chuku gave them a sympathetic look, but also abandoned them.

"You'll probably figure it out," she murmured to Keiki.

Keiki looked like they might start screaming.

...

...

...

Hours later...

Keiki and Niwa burst into the main room. Everyone turned to face them.

"We haven't figured it out yet," Niwa informed. "We'll probably have to live like this."

The terrified screams of 16 damned souls exploded within the walls of the school.

...They escaped Hope's Peak Academy within the hour.

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