Forum Thread

Hi! This is my Novel im currently writing, still a WIP. Its essentially about my theory on life after death. Here's the summary!

"Mary-Sue, after recovering from trauma from her father and grandmother dying, finds herself in a big accident. She was a normal student before this. Meanwhile, Benny is struggling to keep his friends, sanity, and humanity together in the Kid's Haven. Will Mary-Sue and Benny accomplish their goals, or while their life fall apart?"

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Chapter One: Mary-Sue



Mary-Sue sighed, looking at her Chromebook. Its screen lit up, turning white for a second until it finally showed her lock screen. She stared at her profile picture, realizing she hadn’t changed it in a long time. She snapped out of her daze and typed in her password. The text then popped up, reading “Welcome, Mary-Sue Penny.” She smiled, then went to google.

Mary-Sue Penny was an average-graded sixth-grader attending Glen Elementary School in a small town in Michigan. Her school was new and was still in the middle of renovations, but she had loved it. The smell of new notebooks, all the kids attending, but there was one thing wrong.

Before she knew it, Mary-Sue was on the bus, heading home. The kids in the back, Mary-Sue sighed, were being inappropriate like every day. That's why Mary-Sue stopped sitting in the back. She was now sitting in the middle of her bus, pulling out her Chromebook and trying to connect to any available wifi. Mary-Sue wished Sophia could ride her bus.

Mary-Sue looked out her window, waiting for her stop. Her Chromebook was out on her lap, and her big backpack was next to the window. She then looked around, trying to spot an old friend that she had just reconnected with. She saw him, and they locked eyes for a moment. Mary-Sue shrank down in her seat. Her friend had seen her and looked at her. Mary-Sue was embarrassed.

Mary-Sue hadn’t connected with this friend in a while. Not after a disastrous event. This friend had also had a crush on him back in 3rd grade. She had known that he saw her, like all the various times when he would get on the bus in the morning and after school.

Mary-Sue closed her computer screen and stared out the window. The bus lurched forward, and she was glad nobody sat next to her. But she also felt a ping of sadness, that she was alone. Her bus had stopped at the local high school, and Mary-Sue almost forgot about the shuttling.

Every day, all the buses would go to the high school to pick up any kids, and sometimes drop off kids so they can get on the right bus. Mary-Sue had loathed this. The sooner she got home, the better. She thought. I should just keep staring out the window, minding my own business. The kids sitting behind her were being noisy, and Mary-Sue couldn’t help but overhear some of their conversations.

Mary-Sue closed her eyes. She had almost longed for a nap after her sleep schedule had been disrupted by her new school schedule. She didn’t want to wake up at 6:25 in the morning, at least not with coffee, but her mother had other plans. Her mom didn’t let Mary-Sue drink coffee, or soda, or any other drinks with caffeine in them.

Tired, Mary-Sue turned back to the window. Mary-Sue had learned to drown out noise over time, and it became useful on the bus. She had gotten this skill from spending too much time with her younger sisters, especially because they were both toddlers and didn’t know much other than screaming. All. Day. Long.

Mary-Sue’s stop was one of the first stops. Mary-Sue liked this because it means that when she gets on, it's quiet. When she’s on the bus waiting for her stop, it means she’ll get home quicker and go sit in her room. She decided to look over her shoulder at her goofy friends. Jenna, being the taller one, started teasing Connie and took Connie’s hat. Mary-Sue had to sustain a chuckle.

Mary-Sue’s got off at her stop, which was a house a few doors down from hers. She would enter the house her stop was at; which was her friends; and hang out for a little bit until her mom called her to come home. Mary-Sue’s mom called her very early today, so she didn’t get a chance to hang out with friends. Mary-Sue didn’t mind. She walked home, her backpack slugged over her shoulder.

Her mom greeted her in the driveway, opening the car door. “Come on, Mary.” Her mother said, climbing in on the other side. Mary-Sue walked over to the passenger seat and climbed in, slamming the door behind her. Mary-Sue’s mother didn’t say anything else on the car ride, as she didn’t wanna disturb Mary-Sue.

Mary-Sue had gotten out her earbuds and plugged them into her phone. She knew where they were going, and she needed music to help stop her anxiety. The other day at her school, she had learned that music can help calm people down, and Mary-Sue figured it made sense.

Now, Mary-Sue’s mom tried to pay attention to Mary-Sue. Because she was the only child, there was a point. Despite being busy although, her mom kept on making time for Mary-Sue. Mary-Sue enjoyed their time together, but sometimes it just got in the way. In the way of school work, her social life, or in the way of a different fun activity she would’ve liked to partake in.

Mary-Sue looked at her mother’s face. Her mother’s face was full of guilt, sorrow, tiredness, and sadness. Mary-Sue tried to be there for her mother, too. After going through a lot, Mary-Sue could feel her mother’s pain. Her Grandmother, Tracii Adams, was always there for Mary-Sue. After she had died a peaceful way in her sleep, Mary-Sue and her mother wept. Mary-Sue still longed for her grandmother, longing for love and hope.

Grandmother Tracii used to describe Mary-Sue as a light. She would always tell Mary-Sue that she was very bright, hopeful, and a kind caring person. Mary-Sue would love to spend time with her grandmother.

It was her grandmother, then her father. Her father, unfortunately, died in a car accident. Mary-Sue knew all the details. She was in the car when it happened. Her father, driving through a busy street, their normal route to school, to elementary. Mary-Sue was enjoying her snack, some animal crackers when her father started yelling. Mary-Sue looked through the driver’s side window, straining because she was in the back. She had seen a car- bright red, Mary-Sue can recall- and she started screaming. And all was still.

Her father had to be wheeled off to the hospital. Mary-Sue, being in 3rd grade, didn’t understand. She never did, that is until now. She usually didn’t want to reminisce about old memories, specifically the bad ones. A tear sprout out of her eye as she stared at her reflection from the window.

Her face was small, and her features stood out. Despite her mother’s hair being blond, she inherited her father’s hair. Her hair was silky chocolate brown, with lighter roots and dyed bangs. They were dyed her favorite color; teal. She noticed her eyes, and they showed madness. Anger. Guilt. Jealousy.

Mary-Sue hated people talking about their fathers. “Oh, my father took me to the movies!” Some would say. Others would giggle, exclaiming “Oh, my father bought me some cute little toys!” Mary-Sue would groan and walk away. Nobody seemed to understand. Nobody seemed to notice she would silently cry. Nobody seemed to care. Besides her mom, of course.

Their car stopped at a red light. The tires screeched on the road, and Mary-Sue panicked. Her mind flashed back to her dad’s sad face, and Mary-Sue didn’t even say goodbye before her dad died. Mary-Sue snapped back to the present. She breathed heavily, her heartbeat increasing. She looked over to her mom. Her mom had a comforting calm face and looked back at Mary-Sue.

Mary-Sue managed to calm down. Her mom had stopped just in time, and no ongoing traffic could ram into them. But Mary-Sue had been flung forward from the back seat. Her seatbelt had been broken from the lurch, and Mary-Sue almost smashed her head through the windshield. She stared at her mother. Her mother stared back.

Mary-Sue’s vision went red.

She didn’t know how long it was until she woke up. She was gasping for air, laying on what felt like a hospital bed. She groaned, her head thumping back unto the bed. She had wanted to close her eyes and pretend this was all a dream, but it was all too real. She held the side of her head, then jerked her hand back after feeling some type of cloth.

Mary-Sue had never gotten into an accident, at least not as bad as this one. Her head throbbed, which she thought was not a good sign. She slowly got up, being careful not to sit up too fast, and looked around. The light was blinding her, so she forced her eyes shut again. Slowly, she opened them. She was in a small white room, with big windows that seemed to show off a storm. She looked down at her clothes; she was wearing a dress she didn’t even remember.

Beside her was a piece of paper.

Mary-Sue had a hard time reading it. She knew she didn’t suffer from Dyslexia, but maybe this was just a minor symptom of hitting her head. She crinkled the paper and threw it on the floor, frustrated. She went to place her feet on the floor but jerked away to the sudden coldness tingling through her body.

The dress she was wearing was kinda familiar to her, although she couldn’t quite place her finger on it. It was a black dress that was short, with a small poofy bottom and with white laced strings all around the bottom.

Memory overcame Mary-Sue.

She was 7 when it happened. Her father’s accident. Little old her, she didn’t understand why her mother was crying. Why everyone was gathered into a room, with a box in the middle and pictures of her dad. She couldn’t- no, she didn’t want to-understand. That day she was wearing the same little dress as she is now. Her face went white in terror as she tried to tear off the dress. As she tried and tried, but failed.

She knew she wasn’t in a hospital.

She put her feet down on the cold tiled floor, letting herself feel the cold. She wasn’t wearing any shoes. She slowly crept toward the door, trying to listen to if anyone was outside. Nobody. She held her breath, opening the door.

A sudden wave of noise hit her. There was clattering, clapping, yelling. She slammed the door back shut as reflexes. Mary-Sue sat down against the door, gasping for breath. There was a sudden lack of air in this place, and Mary-Sue was afraid she would suffocate.

That is until she stopped. She stopped breathing, just to see. Nothing happened. Her lungs didn’t cry out for air. And she didn’t get loopy from the lack of it. She flung the door open again, trying to find out if there was a way out of this place. Or if there was a way to find her mother.

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Not my favorite chapter, but here we go.

Chapter Two: Benny

Benny heard a door creak from around the corner. His eyes widened in surprise. He rushed down the hall, just to find an open door and an empty room. He sighed. He wanted a new friend, especially after he had that accident. Well, it wasn’t necessarily his fault. There was a shooting at his school in a small town in California, and he had been caught. That year, he was in 5th grade.

He scratched at his neck. He didn’t like the suit he was wearing, especially because he didn’t like suits. Maybe I would’ve worn a dress. He thought silently. He walked slowly, his black boots thumping against the white tiled flooring. He pushed open the doors to the meeting area and looked around.

Benny tried to spot his friend, Nathali. They were friends even before they both died. They had died together along with other kids in the class. Nathali was bouncing up and down and talking to someone when Benny walked over. Nathali turned around, greeting Benny.

“Hey, BenBen!” Nathali said, using her nickname for her. She stood in front of him, about a foot taller. Benny looked up at her. “Nathali.” He said, smiling. Benny had always thought that was a weird name for a child, especially one who was as normal as her, but he never asked.

Nathali was tall with blond hair and brown roots, along with blue eyes that stood out to anyone who greeted her. Benny, however, was more ordinary. He had a normal life, short brown hair, and hazelnut eyes. Despite them looking so different, they were friends and would stay friends.

Benny loved to be friends with Nathali. She always had something new in-store. Nathali was a year older than Benny, who is 9. Benny often wondered how there was no one older than Nathali in this place. Nathali isn’t the only one who is 10, although.

Benny looked over at whoever Nathali was hanging out with. A strange young girl, who looked about 7, with big brown eyes and long black hair.

“Oh! That’s right!” Nathali said. “This is Kim,” Nathali said, introducing the strange girl. “Kim, this is Benny.” Kim waved, responding with a shy “Hi, Benny.” Behind her stepped out another girl that looked like Kim. “And this is Kira,” Nathali said. Kira waved.

Benny smiled. “Welcome to the Children’s Haven, where children go after death!” Kim looked around. “So... there’s no adults..?” She asked. Her voice was soft and sweet. Nathali shook her head. “The oldest people here are ten years old,” Nathali explained. “And the oldest is part of the committee.” Nathali went on, blabbing about something.

Benny didn’t pay attention to her. He had caught a brisk motion out of the corner of his eye and whirled around. There was no one. He sighed. I must be going paranoid. He silently thought to himself. All these years in this Heaven for kids...

Benny walked away from Nathali. He just needed a break away from the noise. He looked around and crept into a dark room. He flicked the light switch, and the room lit up. The room was a sleeping quarter if they ever wanted to sleep. Of course, all the toys and books, activities, and more entertainment were more important to the other kids. Benny found that he could keep his humanity by maintaining his basic needs; sleep, hunger, thirst, exercise, and breathing.

In this place, everyone was technically dead. So nobody had to do any necessary stuff that the living need to do, it was an option. Benny’s chest slowly rose and fell, and he plopped down on a bed.

The first couple of days here, Benny and Nathali had stayed quiet. It's like when you’re the new kid, and you don’t wanna call attention to yourself. That was, until a week after they had arrived, the place did a quick “Kid Check” as they had called it. They made the kids line up, give the older kids their name, age, date of birth, date of death, and cause of death.

That was when they recruited Nathali. Of course, Nathali could manage an active social life while also managing her duties because there was more free time. There was no time here; no sunset, sunrises, dawn, dusk here. Benny had missed seeing the beautiful colors of the sunset. And there was no weather here; it was just Sun. Benny had missed the rain and the snow too.

Benny shifted in the small bed. Nathali poked her head in and called out for Benny. He groaned, getting up and walking over to the door. “What’s up, Nathali?” He asked. Nathali smiled. “Nothing, just checking on ya! But since your up, can you join me for a game?” She said, her eyes sparkling.

Nathali loved to play games. One of her favorites was “Keki and her Krew”, a story game that had just recently been published. Benny always found it unusual how when anything was made, it always popped up here.

Benny’s favorite game was an online RPG called “Devils Don’t Cry” which was recently made by the biggest company of all, Himitsu Co. Benny knew that it was a Japanese name, but he wasn’t fluent in Japanese.

As usual, there were kids there. Nathali and Benny always alternated between each other’s games, as Nathali didn’t like the blood and gore in “Devils Don’t Cry” and Benny didn’t like the childish aspect of “Keki and her Krew”

This time, it was Nathali’s turn. The usual jingly intro played, and Keki, a small pink creature with white spots all over her body, started singing in an unusually high-pitched voice. Benny rolled his eyes. Next, came on Blue. He was smaller compared to Keki and was a recolor of Keki but blue and purple.

The rest of the characters came on screen, and the title screen showed. The song, the terrible high-pitched song, rang through Benny’s ears. Nathali sang along with the song for a bit, then pressed play.

“How many players?” Keki’s voice played. Nathali selected two. “Alright!” The annoying high-pitched voice was sounding more like a squeak than a voice. Benny almost muted the system, but he didn’t. Instead, he played the game for Nathali.

After the game, Benny walked over to the racing section. He always loved these games, mostly because, in the Children’s Haven, anyone could reach the pedals. He had seen one of the kids, Atarashi, which was another Japanese name that he couldn’t understand, playing one of them. Atarashi, or Atari for short, was one of Benny’s many friends.

Benny knew most of the kids here. For example, Atarashi had a brother and sister, Jo and Daniella, who were both interested in the games for smaller children. Atari and the kid playing the other arcade racing game were against each other.

A small crowd of children walked by and started cheering. It was either “Kat!” (which was the other kid’s name) or “Atari!” All of the kids were split into two groups on their decision. Kat’s group was larger because he had become more popular in the racing section.

Kat ended up winning. The kids on his side cheered, and the kids on Atari’s side motivated him. “You can do it next time!”,” Don’t give up!” or “Keep on trying!” were heard from those kids. Benny smiled.

After Kat and Atari left, Benny slid into one of the arcade seats. He smiled, pushing the on button. This game was far more enjoyable than “Keki and her Krew”, mostly because of the action. And multiplayer aspect. His friend, Amie, slid into the other. Benny grinned his toothy grin.

“Ready for a rematch?” He asked Amie. “Of course!” Amie replied. Benny enjoyed Amie, mostly because she didn’t play those childish games. She would rather enjoy spending time with Benny, playing action games together. Nathali soon came over to watch. She had a hand on her hip and was leaning against an empty chair.

Nathali soon got distracted by something else, and Benny and Amie were alone in this part of the massive arcade room. That was another thing Benny found odd. More and more rooms kept appearing, and it didn’t make sense. Is there unlimited space? He would ponder, but he never got answers to these questions.

Benny smiled when he won. He and Amie slid out of the arcade machines, then shook hands with Amie. “Good game,” he said. Amie smiled. Benny grinned at her and walked away. He likes to take long walks around the facility, so there he went. His boots thumped against the cold flooring. He was happy to have boots, some kids didn’t. But he wasn’t glad for the fact that you have to wear funeral clothes here. And you can’t take them off.

When they had first appeared here, Benny and Nathali had tried as hard as they could to tear off their clothes. They had failed, many times. Until Benny had just given up. Nathali had tried to keep trying, however, she had failed like Benny.

Benny enjoyed the silence of the empty halls. He had cleared his mind and let his body take over.

Benny, before he had died, had normal grades. His lowest was a C+, and his highest was an A. His reading level was a little over normal for his grade, and his favorite hobby was drawing. His teachers always scolded him for drawing in class, but the truth was he couldn’t help it. He had been diagnosed with ADHD and ADD at a young age, and had to live with it.

Nathali wasn’t perfect, of course, but she acted like it. She had wanted to be popular, and she was. When she wasn’t with Benny, of course, she showed that popular girl side. But Nathali was who she was with Benny. Not perfect.

Benny’s mind wandered. He thought about this place -as he often did- and then a new thought popped into his brain. Where would the bad kids go? Benny didn’t want an answer to that question. It was like he almost knew the answer, but didn’t wanna accept it.

And what about the older kids? Where do they go? Benny couldn’t stop. His brain asked question after question, but with no answer in sight. He sighed. He looked around at the area he was in. It was a dark secluded place, and Benny had liked it. Nobody went to the dark places. Mostly every kid was scared of the dark and usually scarred by mental trauma. Benny hadn’t been. He had loved the dark because he could be alone in it.

But Benny had the feeling he wasn’t alone. He could feel another’s presence, watching him, staring at him. He whirled around, trying to find someone. Anyone. But there was no one. He felt it again, then broke into a sprint back into the main area.

Benny had thought he knew the way around. Turns out he didn’t. He ran into multiple dead ends on his way. He gasped for breath. His legs ached, and his mind throbbed. He longed to see other kids, but he couldn’t find them. He couldn’t see in the dark. Benny almost screamed but refrained himself.

Benny’s heart pounded against his chest, echoing through his ears.

Benny jerked forward, sitting up in the bed. His breathing was heavy and his heart beating against his chest. He realized he must have fallen asleep, and that was just a bad dream. He let out a sigh of relief, opening the door to get out of the room. He tugged at the collar of his suit. Nathali was talking to some other kids, Oliver and Micheal when she spotted Benny. He waved when Nathali went bounding over to him. Nathali smiled.

“We’re about to take the Kid Check,” Nathali explained. As soon as she had explained, a young voice came up on the overhead. “Kid Check is starting soon, please line up in the cafeteria.” Tons of kids ran out of the arcade room and almost trampled the four. Then came the yelling. All the kids yelled at each other and screamed, and voices arose trying to talk over each other.

Benny sighed. Nathali patted his back. “See you there!” She said, then blended into the crowd. Charlie and Micheal joined her. Benny was always the last in the line, so he didn’t even bother to rush. He waited for the crowd to disperse, then slowly trudged toward the cafeteria. “May all the kids go to the cafeteria- I repeat, may all the kids go to the cafeteria. Thank you!” The young voice came up again.

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