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ArtsyDude3's Diary
Forum-Index → Diaries → ArtsyDude3's DiaryFriday July 23, 2021
You all NEED to check out today's Google Doodle! It is so much fun! I spent like four hours playing it! XD
I got new glasses today! They are stronger than my last ones and they look much better then the old pair I had (I've had the same pair for 4 years without breaking them, and I had only picked the frame that they were because they looked the same as the ones my brother had, and back then I cared too much about what people thought of me and wanted to fit in).
More on the "cared too much about what people thought of me" part (This might be long... Sorry X|):
From the time I was born to about 5th or 6th grade I was a happy-go-lucky, kind-hearted, and inclusive kid who had no realization of any negativity in the world whatsoever. I had some difficulty getting work in on time and I was made fun of here and there for being overweight and wearing clothes with things that weren't "cool" on them, but I didn't listen to anyone. I wanted to be myself, not who everyone else expected me to be.
During 7th Grade, everything hit me like a truck. Global warming, politics, current wars, being "cool", being unsure of my sexuality and gender identity, a spike in the bullying, and the most difficult schoolwork I had ever faced (with reduced credit if it's turned in late!). I tucked into my shell, wore nothing but gray hoodies and jeans, and kept to myself, hiding who I truly was. When I told my Mom about this experience recently, she said that "No one else could handle how bright your light was, so you hid it from the world." I was not happy, but I managed this for another year and a half without issue.
Then, in 9th Grade, COVID-19 swept the world and kept everyone inside and me from the few, but caring, friends I had accumulated. At first I continued my charade: gray hoodie, stay quiet, and listen and do your work (usually late). However, in December (It's weird how I always lose motivation to do my work towards wintertime. Maybe I have SAD?), I snapped. I overdosed on some antidepressants I had been taking for a few months, and ended up in the hospital and in an inpatient rehabilitation program, where I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD (The not hyperactive kind). My only contact with my family was a daily phone call, and I missed them horribly. After leaving the facility, catching up on my work, and attending a half-day rehabilitation program, I was back, and felt better then ever.
Between then and now, a lot has happened. I came out to my family and the world as gay, I changed my wardrobe to better fit my style (still hoodies and jeans, but now the hoodies are bright colors like pink, blue, and yellow), and am seeing a therapist weekly. I still have downs sometimes, but I know how to cope with them. For the first time in five or six years, I can finally say that I am happy with who I am.
Thanks for reading all of this (if you did, anyway). I told you I might rant a bit! That's all for today! Thanks again!
When Diimplez gets back to me, she'll show me how to make an art shop, so that I can share my work with everyone. I'm so excited!
That's about it from my end. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you all later!
Astrid the Haunter
"Idk how this happened to me, but at some point I just stopped caring about how people thought about me.
At school for the past couple of days, I've been snuggling with my very good friend (that I hope could cross to boyfriends soon! :3) and a lot of people were staring or making funny noises at us. I found myself actually feeling better about myself because I knew I didn't care & they're just.... unintelligent. & that's not even mentioning the "Furry Pride" pin on my backpack! I hear a lot of reactions to that and it's just kinda funny to me that they make such a big deal out of it.
Idk... thanks for listening to my rant. :)"
UPDATE: I've been trying to see this person (can confirm: mutually more than friends!) as much as possible so I can be with him. I'll update things here for all you nosy Nellies on-site. XD
I wet to a different friend's house yesterday from 12:00 PM to 9:00 PM CST, and he showed up at around 7 and we spent the two hours we had together doing a lot of snuggling :3 (and a little bit of Goat Simulator). I'm pretty sure he's polyamorous, and I'm ok with that as long as I get to be with him. He's probably the best thing that's happened to me in my entire life & I hope we can make our relationship official soon!
Not gonna lie, I'm missing him like crazy. :,)