Forum Thread

I don't actually see the issue with this one. For, one, having to have some sort of sit down to tell people you may not actually be straight like it's some big secret just seems so wrong. Why make a big deal of it? Why make any kind of deal about it? When I first heard my brother had a boyfriend, I didn't even hear it from him, I heard it as passing dinner conversation from my parents. I think they said, "Did you hear that Brian has a boyfriend? He's dating guys now, I guess." and I was like, "Oh! Well that's cool, have you met him, is he nice?" And they said he was a music major and I said well that's great since Brian is a musician, and that was it. There was no big deal or gasp of surprise, and that's how it should be because being gay or bi or nothing or whatever else there is shouldn't be treated like some secret and there shouldn't be a need to tell people about it like that.

On that subject- when I first asked Kanny out, I called my sister a few nights before to ask if she would still love me if I wasn't necessarily straight. And I realize the above paragraph sounds nice, but it's a lot harder to implement in real life. When I called her, I could barely get the words out, I was crying so hard, because I was scared- scared she wouldn't love me, of what she would say. But now that I have her support, just knowing I have her, my most important person and role model, standing behind me, I'm not afraid to tell anyone else. At this time I've told a few others irl of my polygamous relationship, and they're all for it (one friend said she was jealous- "you have two boyfriends to go home to?? Jeez I'd settle for just one, lucky"). I'm planning to tell my parents about Kanny and Hoodie when I go back for Christmas break so I can have my sister there for moral support. I'd tell them earlier, but I really want our relationship to be cemented before telling hoards of people.

Are you straight? Not completely, I suppose.
Are you gay? No, I wouldn't say that.
Bi then? No...not really.
So then, what exactly are you? Well...why do you feel the need to classify it?

All my life I always classified myself as straight. Then I met Kan and instantly fell head over horns for him. But 'him' actually has a female body. Does that make me gay? No, I wouldn't say so. I'm really not attracted to female bodies in the romantic sense.
Then I met and fell for Hoodie. At first, I thought of them as female, called them my girlfriend, used female pronouns, etc. but then it was said that they would rather no gender or male pronouns since they were genderfluid. So what exactly does that make me for loving them? And does it actually matter?

Short answer? No, no it does not.

The only thing that matters, is that I love them. I don't care what they look like, what they call themselves, what freaking genitalia they have, none of that matters! I don't love them for that! I love them because they make me laugh, because they make me blush, because they're adorable and I love talking to them and spending time together and hearing about their day and learning new things about them.

Yes, they both have female bodies, no, I'm not attracted to female bodies- but I am attracted to them- so yeah, I'd be all up in that. Conflicting statements? You bet they are.

So am I straight, gay, or bi? None, I'm just in love.

This one is a hit or miss- some group projects and work out really well, some can tank. I've had a fair share of both.
My favorite groups are the ones that fit the stereotype where there's the one guy who does most of the work, another who says he'll help but really doesn't, the one who has no clue what's going on, and the one who disappears until the last minutes. Then there's the other side of projects where each person chooses what part they want to do and goes and does it. And the third side of the group project triangle is the one where everyone actually works together.

I love the last one because it really feels like your part of something with these people, not just using them as a means to an end, to get just get the project done and go your separate ways. Currently, I'm in the 1st and 3rd types of group projects. The 1st type I'm in with my machine design class, though I guess it's sort of a mix of 1 and 2 know that I think about it... the lab started last week and we had our main, do-it-all himself guy working at it, another guy who kind of stood by and handed him things, me who was confused as heck throughout all of it, and our 4th guy who skipped class. The second week, do-it-all himself guy and I really took control and got it done, while the other two stood by and watched. At the end of class we delegated the lab report sections to each person and we're supposed to put it together this friday. We'll see how that goes.

Meanwhile, in my technology entrepreneurship class I had a type 3 group. We took a long time to get started, but finished really strong and all together and it was beautiful. Got a perfect score on the oral presentation, that's how much we rocked it. Awe yeah.

Do you know that feeling? When it's like you're just an empty shell and there's nothing inside you and nothing matters and if everything just disappeared or you just disappeared, it wouldn't matter because nothing matters anymore?

It's not a good feeling.

A friend just posted feeling that way, empty inside, and it honestly scared me because I know the feeling. And maybe they're not like me and they won't react to the emptiness in the same way I do, which I can only pray for. It's a dangerous feeling that I've become very familiar with in my past. For me, that empty feeling was always coupled with pain. Because when you can't feel anything else, the body turns to pain. At least, mine always did.

It's been a few years since the last 'episode' and my scars have healed, but the empty feeling does resurface every now and then. I've learned how to control it better though- going for walks usually helps get rid of it. Music blaring, a little exercise- it gets the emotions flowing again. Plus if it's cold outside or if I walk long enough or run for a while, it hurts. Which is nice. I've always coupled sadness with pain- ie, when you're sad go hurt yourself in some way- that hasn't changed through the years, but I've learned to control the pain better. Cold and exercise is my best 'pain' remedy. And it works a hell of a lot better then...anything else you could do.

Uh, so yeah, got a little sidetracked there but- the 'empty' feeling can be very dangerous. If you ever feel that way, go for a walk, listen to music, force yourself to hang out with people, clean your room, run some errands, just DO something. Even the smallest tasks can distract your brain long enough to get the feelings flowing again. And if you need to, TALK to someone about it.

Addiction is a powerful thing. Even the simplest addictions can be overtaking and you don't really see that they're there until you look back and (1st step) realize that that thing was a problem. And I'm not talking about just drugs or drinking; anything can become an addiction, from games to food to certain activities etc., and it's hard to realize that.

PH was my addiction. For about 5 months it was all I wanted to do all day and well into the night. And even though it was only 3 days, taking a break and actually taking steps to ensure I didn't go on was incredible. It was like an entire world opened up where where was time to do things I needed, where homework was the priority, where I didn't need to spend all of my time sitting and staring at the computer screen. I never realized how much time I spent on PH, how addicted I was, until a few days ago. And stepping back from it was one of the best things I could have done.

There aren't any rehab centers for people with addictions like this. There are only concerned friends and family once you've reached the point of never leaving your room or shirking all your responsibilities in favor of your addiction. But addictions don't always cause you to do those things. I'm reminded of the show "My Strange Addictions" where most of the people eat something really weird and can't stop, and the things they eat are usually extremely harmful to their bodies. But that kind of thing really isn't noticeable and most people won't get help for it. We can't see our addictions, and many times, neither can you. Doesn't mean they aren't there. Doesn't mean we don't need help. If you think someone has an addiction to something in any way, say something, challenge them to stop doing whatever it is for a few days and see how they feel afterwards, if they can even stop. Then you'll both have the answer and be a lot better off for it. It took a breakup and intense anger for me to turn off PH, and when I did it honestly felt great and I could start the healing of addiction and heartbreak.

You know that feeling when something bad is happening in your life, but you don't really do anything to stop it and just kinda deal with it for days, weeks, months, and then something happens and you finally get out of whatever was keeping you down and it's just like you can suddenly breathe again? Like, this thing has been going on for so long that you didn't even realize how suffocating it was, but once you step away from it, it's like suddenly there's an entirely new world out there and you can finally see it, and the weight that's been sitting on your chest is gone and it just feels amazing.

Making friends can sometimes be hard- making online friends even harder. Sometimes it isn't and you really instantly click with someone, and sometimes you try and try and the other person seems to make no effort whatsoever. A few months ago I tried to do the online friendship thing with someone. I'd message her, we'd chat, she'd suddenly stop, I'd try again a few days later, repeat cycle. I then joined a group chat with her and a bunch of her friends in it and immediately felt the old one out. I wasn't the only newish person there, but still felt like I was the only one being pushed aside, comments and questions ignored, and boy did that hurt.

And I tried- I tried so hard to be friends. For months I tried and was stepped on and shoved back every step of the way. Finally, I snapped. There was fighting, cussing, a LOT of anger, and for some reason it wasn't even with the original person I wanted to be friends with. It was a friend of her's that seemed hella more upset about the whole thing than she did. But all I knew at the time was that the original friend wasn't saying anything to me, but according to the friend of her's, she hated me and I made her uncomfortable. And that's what made me snap, honestly. If there's a problem, you tell the person causing it. You don't just trash talk them behind their back, you try and change the situation so both parties are secure and happy. But, I guess that's only the case for if you actually want a relationship with the other person. In this case: I wanted a relationship, she didn't, so I tried to talk it out, and she didn't. Her friend sure had something to say though.

Anyways- I said my piece to the person and left the group, cutting all ties with the lot of them, best I could. And you know what? I hadn't felt that good in months. Working so hard to be friends and create something only to oppressed every step of the way was a weight on my chest, and finally getting out of that was incredible. I didn't even know I felt that bad until it was gone, and I could breathe.

I do not have many friends. That’s not to say I don’t hang out with and talk to plenty of people, it’s just that I don’t really consider them friends. Acquaintances, yes, friends, not so much. The thing is, I’m a little picky about people I’d call friends. Even if we talk a lot and hang out sometimes, that doesn’t mean I’m going to call you a friend. There needs to be a special bond there, which, sometimes is an instant connection, and sometimes it’s one that builds up over time. But the important thing is that the connection can fade and go away if we don’t talk, if it’s the latter one.

The former one doesn’t need constant talking- my best friend and i maybe talk once every few weeks in depth, or a snapchat conversation here and there, but that’s because we don’t need more then that to know that we’re best friends.

Things to consider:
-just because you consider us friends, doesn’t mean i consider us friends
-just because we might not friends, doesn’t mean I won’t do things for you. There are some people i took to on PH immediately (that first connection i was talking about), but I don’t consider us friends. I guess it’s kinda an idolizing relationship in that sense then.

A friend from college joined me on the plane ride out of town after the semester ended- we took the same one to Salt Lake City, and then our connecting flights to other places. It was nice, I haven't spent much time with him at all in the last 3 years, but we met in freshman year of college and took some of the same classes, and then our different majors split us up. The sad part is, he had a crush on me then, and I'm pretty sure he still does, and I'm really, really bad at turning people down. Like, ok, not bad, I can do it, i just feel guilty and sad about it afterwards, and awkward during. Pretty much, when people ask me out, I say yes and make it as non date like as possible. Like. really drive home the 'yeah no we're just friends' feeling without actually having to say it and shoot them down. It's worked ok so far with a few people o3o

While we're on the subject, what really ticks me off about crushes is when people don't come out and tell the other person, or play games with the christmas messages or things like that, where the confess Anonymously. Well, I mean, that's not so bad, but when they keep doing it, or the receiver makes a post asking them to come out, and they send another anonymous message say no, you wouldn't like me anyways... and then they get all sad, like, oh I'm not worth your time, but i just really wanted you to know... and all that. That really ticks me off. And then what ticks me off even more, is thinking back to when i was in middle school, around the age most of the PH userbase is, and how I used to pull that same crap. UGH kids. Though we sent actual love letters, and the guy I sent one to totally knew it was me and never said anything about it (jerk).

What else ticks me off is when people KEEP asking after you say no. I get that they're trying to hold out hope and that maybe one day you'll like them back, but this isn't a movie, that's not going to happen here. A lot of people I've met on PH only develop feelings for someone after having been friends for a while- I am not one of those people. It's a little shallow, I admit, but I can't change it, but I am wholly attracted to a person's looks first, and if I don't fall for you on first glance, it's never going to happen. Emphasis on never. It's just how I work, sorry not sorry. Online dating has helped though since you don't see the other person without building some relationship, so I was able to get to know people, like my datemates, before seeing them. But I don't know...there's still something missing from the relationships...I'm a very physical person. I watch people and respond to how they act and look. Texting barely scratches the surface of communication. There's context, posture, voice inflections, and a million other things that can't be conveyed. Not to mention how little I generally speak- most of my conversations are facial movements/looks, noises, and hand motions, as well as 99% of my affection being shown in some physical way. I am not a talkative person, how much I care about a person is shown more through physical traits, and that's not possible to do over the internet. Skype calls are a little closer and help, but still...it's all missing so much, and that keeps me at a slight distance from being wholly involved in these relationships. I care about my datemates, yes of course, but it's still not complete just being online.

Original character/literally me, or at least how I would like to be perceived as //shrug//





Drawn by arti

Drawn by Twin


Drawn by Auroradragon


Drawn by Kit


Drawn by Rezhiram


Drawn by CreativeJackalope


Gijinka female (done before fully deciding he was male) form


Gijinka male form

Male, pansexual. Sarcastic and a general tease, he is quick to temper if annoyed, but he's usually laidback, cracking jokes or making passes at people. Unfortunately, while he can dish out the compliments and teasing he can't take it at all and is easily flustered.

Male, about 5' 7" in height. Twins with Glade. Quiet but loving, usually sticks more to the background in conversations and likes to stand back rather then interact with people. But if you get him started on a topic he's interested in, he won't shut up for days.






By Rascal


by -Kookie-

Bi, genderfluid, completely enamored by their lovely Datemates.
Flamboyant, loves to dance and to shower their datemates in affection. Always with a smile and will do anything to make others smile too.


By my sweet little chickadee, Chastae


By Severus






❤ ❤ Vio ❤ ❤

❤ ❤ Shellnyte ❤ ❤

Female, eternally young and small, with a vibrant and mischievous personality.
She loves sweet treats, but refuses to eat any kind of seafood (she's part fish after all!).
She's very curious and always getting herself into sticky situations, but usually gets right back out by putting on the kitty eyes and dialing up the fluffy cuteness.

[spoiler]
Drawn by -Chara


Concept Art


Failed chibi attempt at Perikleen and Zinnia (Asriel's fursona)

Female, about 5' 7" in height. Twins with Tate. Very flirtatious and loves affection, giving or receiving. Loves to be in the spotlight and can't resist chasing and collecting shiny objects.
No current love interests.


Note: I forgot to include the markings on her body, see the pic below for those.
Might go back and fix her one day, but also might not :p


Glade and Nessona, who belongs to Nessy


Glitchy icon done by the ever wonderful -Azzie-

*Hanging with a friend*
*moves around and almost falls over
M: "Oh god-!"
D: "You can just call me Danny, it's cool."
M: "What?"
D: *looks up, genuinely confused* "What?"
M: "Did you really just say that?"
D: "Say what? *takes a moment* Oh yeah haha"
M: "Seriously? You didn't even think about it, that's your auto-response? That- that's why you have no friends."
D: *makes pouty face*

*one of roommates is watching Vampire Diaries*
*scene where a vamp 'compels' someone to do something for them*
J: "The hell, why didn't he just do that like, 10 years ago."
Me: "Seriously…"
S: "Because he's trying to be good."
J: "That's stupid" - Me: "That's boring"
J: "If I could compel people I'd just go to McDonalds and be like, 'yes can I have a big Mac and ALL THE MONEY IN THE TILL."
Me: *waves hand in sweeping motion* "You saw nothing..."
J: "These are not the droids you're looking for..."
*both laugh at own joke while S rolls her eyes*

*Hanging out with friend*
*Pulls out a coke*
T: "Oh wait, that's a share a coke can thing, what's the name?"
Me: *spins can around* "Share a coke with…wingman. Psh laaame I don't need a wingman."
T: "True, you need more then one person." *takes a sip of drink* "You're a mess."
Me: >:I

*hanging with the peeps*
*Friend shoves an entire plum into mouth, no problem*
N: "Well, at least we know your gag reflex is taken care of."
C: *shrugs* "Hey, $20 is $20."

*runs into professor outside class, he gives me a box of stuff to bring in while he grabs more from office*
*walks into class and drops the box on front desk*
Guy in back: "Oh what's that? Did you bring us gifts?"
Me: "Yeah candy. Ha nah, it's just gears and chains."
Other guy: *perks up* "Chains? Oh woah now. You know what they say sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me."
*guys laugh and play-slap each other*

Aight, have to include this because it's just so hilarious and yet horrible and makes me laugh to think about. Here is the story of telling my good friend, Danny, about my new love, and his reaction to it.

Me: "Hey guess what! I have a new boyfriend~"
D: "Like, an actual human one?"
Me: >:I
D: "Haha, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Uh, how'd you meet?"
Me: "Online, through a gaming website."
D: *immediately pulls out phone and looks something up*
Me: ?
D: "Alright, I'm going to call him Philip now."
Me: "What? B-but he has a name...?"
D: *trying not to laugh* "Nope, I'm just going to call him Philip."
Me: "Why the hell are you going to call him that."
D: *grins* "You know, as in Philip Markoff, the craigslist killer, who found his victims through online chatting."
Me: "OH MY GOD WHAT" *tries and fails to not laugh hysterically*

And that's why the Steelix and Onix Kanny gifted me are named Philip and Markoff, respectively.
Kan if you ever read this I am so sorry, but also kinda not because it was freaking hilarious, but so sorry, don't hate me, ilu okay

I. When people take up the entire sidewalk and walk really slow and you can't get around them

II. When people take your seat. Even though the seats aren't assigned that is MY SEAT and I will FIGHT you for it. Or at least send very angry glares at the back of your head.

III. Drivers who don't use their turn signals

IV. Cyclists who don't obey the bike laws

V. When people don't say anything when they're upset but continue to stay mad at you and you don't have any clue what you did wrong because they WON'T FREAKING SAY ANYTHING

VI. Bugs that fly in your face (*shakes fist at sky* GNAAAATS)

VII. People who chew with their mouth open or chew gum really loudly

VIII. When people leave sauce pans in the sink and that's the only pan so you have to clean their mess before making food.

IX. When people leave their food out overnight or over multiple days. That's not going to stay fresh sitting on the stove, how hard is it to dump it into a container and stick it in the fridge.

X. When people ask to buy pokemon that aren't in your trade/sell box and keep asking after you've already said no.

aaaaand that's all for now.

I. The smell of the earth just before it rains; the smell of pine trees and the forest just after the rain.

II. That moment when you first lie down after eating a ton of food

III. The smell of wet metal shavings

IV. Hanging out with a group of friends and messing around and talking- no electronic distractions

V. Playing non-electronic games with friends, like board games, cards, tag, etc.

VI. Wearing a lover's jacket/sweatshirt and just having their scent surround you

VII. Spicy foods, 'nuff said