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Luna's Journal
Forum-Index → Diaries → Luna's Journal
Posted: Tue, 18/02/2014 21:05 (10 Years ago)
12 auctions won
11 cute ghost types
10 thousand clicks
9 male Pumpkaboos
8 lost lotteries
7 new friends
6 forum posts
5 big nuggets
4 useless relics
3 retro vouchers
2 breeding Pokemon
And an egg from the stingy daycare
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.
Posted: Tue, 18/02/2014 23:50 (10 Years ago)
Posted: Wed, 19/02/2014 17:21 (10 Years ago)
I don't know. I feel stepped on at times, I haven't even been here that long and I'm already being harassed for premium things and money. Give me money for batteries! Give me nuggets! give me give me give me. Get the money yourself! I did, a lot of people did! Why should you get the easy way out when other people worked for their PD?
Ugh and the people trying to suggest short cuts for breeding and getting money make me upset. It's like when you hack a game and get 999,999,999 dollars and unlock all the mods the game isn't that fun anymore. You already beat it. What's the point of playing? So I'm glad I have to reach certain levels for certain things! I'm glad that I have to pay money to use the daycare man! I'm glad that there are goals for event distribution! It gives me something to reach for.
I'm already trying to get a second shiny Pumpkaboo, people already begging me and pleading with me for money for batteries because they see I don't need them, and I'm enjoying the hunt. The excitement of "is this egg going to be the one?" I love each egg and each Pumpkaboo that comes out. I even have a Pumpkaboo fan club. If someone had just handed me my shiny on a silver platter I wouldn't love it like I how I do my Pumpkaboo shiny that I worked for.
I bought a shiny Gastly for cheap and now I'm sad I did because I don't love it as much. I didn't work for that's hint, I didn't hunt eggs and get excited over that shiny, it's just like a trophy now that gathers dust. I'm going to do my own Gastly hunt later on and earn the right to love that shiny!
Normally when I post my Fan Art it makes me happy! Granted the requests get a bit complicated, I'm happy to try and push the envelope. And I'm happy people actually like it haha, like Shayminluvr, Toothless, and ZorgedLikesFroakies. And ZorgedLikesFroakies is using my art as a profile image currently. Makes me happy seeing recognition. But I'm afraid my art might become more of a demand because I don't charge for my art, I wonder if I should, like I said giving away stuff makes people not appreciate it as much.
Recently I had mkay6 request some art. I did it. And what does she do? Demand for another piece! No "thanks Luna for working on this at 1:00 in the morning." no "wow this looks good thanks." no "here's some PD thanks." not even "I don't like it but thanks for trying!" nothing. How rude...
Only AutumStar (best dude in the world for showing me how awesome Pumpkaboos are) and Frozenfire gave me tips. I drew their Pokemon Personas (I don't know what that means but I did it!) and they liked them and gave me tips. Now, I'm not greedy but it's nice getting some recognition for the time I put it. Heck, it was only a few thousand PD, getting something as small as 100PD shows me that people are willing to give me something of theirs in exchange for mine and that makes me happy.
I just don't want to be taken advantage of for being nice. Since when is being nice and going out of your way to make people happy suddenly considered an obligation? I'm not obligated to give people this art for free, I'm not obligated to buy people level 5 premium, I'm not obligated to buy people nuggets and give them away. I just don't want people thinking I owe them this when I don't.
I don't usually rant, I'm often quite content when on here, but after being here for 13 days (unlucky 13) I guess I was ready to burst. I'm still happy of course, enjoying the fun events, the thrill of auction, the trading of chests and keys, etc. guess these things bug me.
Update: I'm getting more requests, Toothless wants me to change/fix some art I did. And now GhostGem wants more art. I remember when I did this for my own amusement... I did say I take requests though so that's my fault. I'm just getting tired I guess. I wish I could be an artist for the site, I'd love to help out the community as a whole by making nice looking art, that'd make me happy, instead of making drawings for singular people. I like that too! I just wish I could draw something for everyone instead of something for one person.
Posted: Wed, 19/02/2014 17:35 (10 Years ago)
Posted: Thu, 20/02/2014 02:54 (10 Years ago)
For example, someone begged me not to outbid them in an auction. What the heck is that about?! I'm so sorry I manage and save and gain money faster than you and I want to spend it. Not my fault. That's annoying. Besides my money doesn't go to much except auctions lately, so don't tell me how to not spend it!
I've got a shop going, nothing to serious it was just kind of an excuse to draw a picture of a shop keeper (don't tell people that though) and I don't pay attention to it much. People say stuff is over priced, it's supposed to be (don't tell them that either) because like I've said I'm not greed but I like to see what people are willing to give up for the effort I took to get those items. What's the point of me selling things for little money? That's something "nice" people do, and I'm sick of being nice in my low prices and having people go "give me more." Or "you're under selling haha you're so stupid" blah blah blah. I didn't ask for their opinions on my intelligence, so this shop is just kind of a front to show that I'm not always nice and I'm willing to rip people off if their silly enough to purchase it. Like how I am, I've foolishly purchased over priced things because I'm stupid.
No one was around to say "wait that's a bad deal!" So....
Being myself these thirteen/fourteen days has made me feel stepped on, taken advantage of, and makes me look like a push over. People demanding me things in PMs. People critiquing me in terms of "wow you won't share your PD with me? You suck" ugh that's annoying. I'm tired of people leeching off of me, I know I'm not alone in this, my friend Power has made a list of people he gave warnings to who beg him for stuff. I kind of just want to be left alone sometimes, in terms of annoying people bugging me.
I feel like I am a push over. I give away my art for free. I gift people money. I tell people "don't worry about gifting me something I'm happy to help!" I'm happy to help. I'm happy to help. I'm not happy to help. Where are the people to help me? I need money at times for... Let's face it, we all need money. But I'm too scared to ask. I need a ditto, I'm too scared that I'll be consider a loser or a mooch for asking. I'd rather find one on my own to be honest. I don't want to be useless having to beg people for help, for everything, I want to help myself.
But others, no, they're more than happy to mooch off of me.... They're happy to take my items, my vouchers, my Pokemon, my art, for little or nothing. And when I try and over charge to get the money that they took from me back, suddenly I'm over pricing. Don't like it then don't ask for anything for me. Ever.
I hate drawing now because I can't even draw for myself! I'm so busy spoon feeding others that I have no time for myself! It's always "sure I can draw that for you!" Or "yea! That drawing you want me to do because you aren't able to do it your own dang self will be done by tomorrow!" And what thanks do I get? None. No money. No gems. No nothing. Just a "thanks, now do this for me!" I want fair treatment dang it...
I guess it's my fault... I was being myself, and I'm nice I guess, I like helping others, I like charging things for lower prices to help others who I know can't afford it. But when I need help, need money, need a friend, need nuggets. Who do I go to? Who is more of a push over than me for me to go to? Who is there for me to mooch off of and for me to say "thanks!" And nothing else?
No one.
I'm the biggest push over on this site, the biggest sap, the biggest helper, the biggest idiot who thinks too highly of others. And in the end, I loose hundreds of PD, loose all my nuggets, get crappy offers that I "happily" accept, and give away my hard work and why? Because it is who I am, I've always been a push over, and I've always been taken advantage of, and I guess I will be even here. Why should that change?
It shouldn't. People will beg me for nuggets, PD, art work, gems, shinies, honey. And what will I do? I will say "I'm happy to help!" Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. While I curse and get frustrated giving away everything I actually worked for.
Yea, that's me. The "I'm happy to help!" girl. The push over girl. Yep. That's me.
Welcome to the push over club of one.
Posted: Thu, 20/02/2014 03:01 (10 Years ago)
Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy to help. Luna. Oh so happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Luna.
Push over. Stepped on. Haunted. Alone. Luna.
Laugh at Luna. Mooch off Luna. Beg to Luna. Luna. So happy. Always laughing. Ha. Ha. Freaking Luna.
I hate diaries. Always throwing my words in my face. I. Hate. Diaries. I was happy until I started thinking to dang much and writing it down. Now I see, I'm a push over. All over again. Stupid diary.
No more hand outs. No more gifts. No more being nice when I don't get it back. No more free PD. No more! Baby steps. But I won't have the courage to say this to them. It will stay here in this stupid diary. I'll smile and say "haha" after half my sentences. I will say "I'm happy to help" to everyone when I want payment. I'll say "I'm glad you like my art! I'll work on that next piece tomorrow."
Yep. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Little. Sad. Luna.
Sometimes I look in the suggestions and wait to see a crapy idea just so I can argue with someone. To get my anger and aggression out. A horrible way to deal with your anger/sadness, but sometimes it's fun. I like it. Makes me happy.
Also, using emotions help hide your anger and sadness. If I say "I'm feeling okay" it might sound honest and therefore sad. But if I say "I'm feeling okay :P" it will be more happy sounding. If I misspell Lol, like lulz, or lul, when I don't even have the false happy to say "haha" it works.
Emoticons are a powerful tool. I wonder if anyone else uses them like this. I wouldn't know, it's a good tool, works even on me.
Posted: Thu, 20/02/2014 03:10 (10 Years ago)
This diary is good for something. I talk to myself a lot. Talking to myself here is easy.
Hey, Luna.
Hi.
How are you?
Good.
Liar.
Yea...
Why don't you speak up?
It will upset people. That's bad. Always make people happy.
And you?
I'm not. But that's okay. Sacrifice the happiness of one to please many.
How's that gone so far for you?
Good. People like me, they're my friends, and they're happy.
They're happy while you're unhappy. Those aren't good friends.
Neither are you.
So you don't like me?
Not really. You talk too much.
So you don't like you?
Mmhm.
That sucks.
You suck.
Good one, Luna.
Thanks, I thought of that just now.
Haha you're silly.
It gets me through the day. Without my humor I dunno.
I'm not very funny, more,
Annoying?
Mmhm. How's the shiny hunt?
Good, almost at 100 Pumpkaboos.
Neat.
Mmhm.
What after that?
Drifloon.
After that?
I dunno.
Oh.
What do you want me to hunt?
Ralts.
You like Ralts a lot.
So do you.
Yea. I do...
I like the festival one.
It's pretty. Everyone likes Ralts. I wished I was one when I was young.
So everyone would like you?
So I'd be pretty haha.
Haha.
Haha.
Any good arguments today?
No. None. Minus the auction thing but that wasn't really an argument.
Oh. Any art done today?
No. I don't want to draw.
Why?
Too much effort for nothing.
Ah.
Mmhm.
Any crushes?
Just one.
Is he cute?
I dunno.
Is it a he?
Maybe.
Cool. What's he like?
Ha, just a cool dude that's all. No biggie. No romance. Just a cool dude.
Nice. Glad you're making friends.
What are you, my mom?
No, I'm you.
Right.
Yep. Any enemies?
More than enough.
Allies?
Not enough.
I see. Do you think people like you?
Maybe, the "me" that gives things away. That gives an ear to chew. A joke to laugh at. That me, they like.
And what about me?
They don't know you.
Oh, that's a bummer.
Mmhm. You wrote a lot in this diary, I stopped after posting that art.
It's nice, I wish I could draw.
You can write though, your fan fiction is nice.
Thanks. You know I love writing.
Ha, yea, I do know.
I like you.
I don't like you though.
That's okay, that's what makes us cool, makes us "us".
You're so corny.
You're so,
That's inappropriate.
No one will read it.
Someone might.
Yikes, that's invasive.
It's the internet.
Oh, yea, you're right.
Mmhm.
Go have some fun, Luna. I'll be here.
Okay. Talk to you later.
See you.
HEY
What now?
Someone gifted me some money
Who?
Tina.
Oh, I know her. Is she nice?
Apparently haha.
Haha.
Sorry, I got excited, that's so nice. I mean, she didn't have to.
See? Not all people are selfish.
Shut up no one asked you.
Rude.
Yea, sorry.
Stop apologizing, be happy someone gave you something.
Yea, I am, it's nice. I hope she didn't have to reach too deep in her bank for that. It was nice all the same.
Heh, that's good. Glad you told me.
Me too. Now that it's here, I won't forget.
Yea, and if you're sad, remember someone gave enough of a crap to gift you something.
Yea, I'll remember that.
Posted: Thu, 20/02/2014 13:57 (10 Years ago)
I wonder how long I'll shiny hunt them. Until I get three? Maybe six? I dunno. I do want other shinies don't get me wrong, but I love Pumpkaboo. AutumnStar kind of helped me with that haha. I don't talk to him much, or at all really, I'm too shy I guess, but I did send him a valentine. That was fun. Just seeing that shiny Pumpkaboo randomly on his page was enough to en courage me. It's so cute, and... plump? Is that the right word?
Yes.
Then yes. I like the plump roundness of Pumpkaboos. Who wouldn't want to snuggle next to a ghost type? Let alone a cute plump one? If I had to choose a Pokemon to have in real life it'd probably be a Mew. BUT if I couldn't have lengendaries then a Pumpkaboo would be my next choice.
I've written Pumpkaboo so much that my iPad now auto corrects it, which is awesome, but it keeps wanting to spell Drifloon as Drifloom for some reason. I dunno.
My day just started so I'm hopping it will be a good one, might hatch some eggs. I don't want to draw today. For no one but myself for now. You know what would be fun? Being an artist for the site, I saw someone's art who is an artist and it looked good, better than mine. But maybe if I get good enough I might be one. It'd be nice to help out and do art for this site. I've spent so much money on premium, enough to last me until 2017, and I'll be spending even more so I'd like to help in a cheaper way haha.
But I'm too shy to try and apply, don't even know how haha. So I'll just draw for myself and dream on. What should I draw today? Something ghostly sure, sure, but what? I like drawings pictures for my Fanfiction, it's kind of fun seeing my story kind of "come alive" if you will. I know I have requests but you know what? I think those people are taking advantage of me, except some, like LazyHoneyDew has put my art up in her signature so I'm glad it's getting some use. And ZorgedLikesFroakies, which is also auto corrected on my iPad haha, uses my art for her avatar. I know some day she'll change it haha, she'll find a better one, I'm just honored she put it up there at least once.
But some people are asking for art and it seems like, I dunno, I'm being used? I mean, where is my art going? Are they claiming it as theirs somewhere? Maybe I should sign it on the art. Reminds me of deviant art all over again. Sigh... I'm putting my foot down. This push over doesn't want to be pushed around anymore. Baby steps. I'll take a break from art to do my Fanfiction, which I like because it's cute and ghostly and just for fun, not a creepy pasta like every other Fanfiction. Not like that's a bad thing, it's just I don't want to write another one haha.
I'm not sure what I'll do today, have to keep an eye out on the auction, that's for sure. I dunno. I'll find something to do. Maybe I'll say hi to someone... I doubt it though. I'm too shy...
Posted: Thu, 20/02/2014 17:10 (10 Years ago)
I'm happy today.
Why?
You know why.
I know. Just asking.
She's nice. I like her.
Me too.
I'm happy.
I'm happy for you.
So we're both happy?
Yes. How long will that last?
Doesn't matter. Let's be happy while we can.
Okay, and your Pumpkaboo is level 100. That makes me happy.
Me too. I'm happy today.
Me too.
Posted: Fri, 21/02/2014 00:33 (10 Years ago)
I wrote a new part in my fanfic too, a battle, which was fun. I like it anyway haha not sure about everyone else. I don't mind that it's cute sounding, I'm not trying to make it super serious or super scary, just a fun tale. I've always put these things in it that I find ridiculous in Pokemon, like the prices of items, imagine spending three hundred bucks for a lemonade from a vending machine!
Sounds rough.
It is! That's why I have David as the character who is always starving because he can't afford food. Think about it, the only way to get real good money is by battling, that battling causing people to have to buy potions to cure poison and burns etc. that money goes into the economy. You waste money curing your Pokemon to get money. It's all a conspiracy theory I tell you! All apart of the government!
And those gym leaders! They're in on it too! All in on it!
Pokemon is such a corrupt world haha, too bad everyone and their mom wants to live in it. Including me.
Me too.
Posted: Fri, 21/02/2014 06:06 (10 Years ago)
What?
Someone out bid me in an auction and has the audacity to say "oh if I knew it was you I wouldn't have out bid you." Haha liar.
Yep. People lie.
Yep. But whatever. It's not a big deal, but I'm tired and stayed up until 1:00 a.m for that Pokemon. I even won the auction until he out 20,000 PD on it. Ugh, I was so close. What a jip.
Haha that sucks.
Yea. He offered it to me in GTS, but why? Am I pity party? I don't think so. I told him I don't want it since I didn't win it, I never said "hand it over!" I've even mentioned how I hate getting messages from people saying don't out bid me or don't bid on this. He acts like I forced him to give it "back" to me when it wasn't mine. Idiot.
Language.
Shut up, it's my diary.
Fair enough.
Anyway, it's not that big of a deal I'm just mad I stayed up trying to get a Pokemon I've never had and it got sniped from me. Am I not allowed to be upset by that? I didn't even take it out on him, I just offered to give him his money back that he spent, and when he said no I didn't beg or cry or yell. Then the idiot acts like I did.
That's what happens when you aren't a push over Luna, people get upset.
Yea, next time I'll smile and laugh and say "oh that's fine! I don't mind that you bought your SECOND shiny Pokemon that you ALREADY HAVE. No problem! Happy to help." Such garbage.
It is. But people love people like that, do you want to be loved by being a push over? Or hated for standing up and expressing yourself?
I tell him I'm not mad, because I'm not mad about the trade, I'm just mad that when I say "ugh that's annoying" I get a dang hand out. I'm not a toddler, I can accept when I lose, I can accept when someone beats me. It's not that big of a deal. God, I wish people would stop treating me like a baby.
I dunno. Sounds like he made it worse.
Yea kind of. I don't want hand outs like that, I want to earn my keep. Like getting paid for my art, I earn that, getting paid for trading Pokemon, I earn that. I don't want someone to go "aw the poor newbie, here I'll hand this to you." That's insulting.
I'm sure he didn't mean for it to come off like that. Maybe he was just being nice.
Bull, he just wants to show pity on the baby push over.
Maybe, maybe not, who knows?
Who cares?
No one.
Yep. I can't sleep now, I'm depressed.
Over this?
No, you know why, the parents.
Oh, yea, them. Is that why you're angry now?
I'm not angry. I'm not really anything right now. I'm tired but cannot sleep. Hungry and can't eat. I'm many things I guess, I just can't do anything about them.
I see. I wish I could help.
I wish people would stop saying that. I wish I was a millionaire. Wishing doesn't do anything. All the people who go "poor girl, I wish I could help." Are just as bad as the people who ignore me completely. They all are worthless to me.
Worthless?
Worthless.
I see. I also see you have another Pumpkaboo.
One I didn't have buy, by the way, one I earned.
Haha yea, I know. And after a mega banette too?
Yep. And I won't sell it, they won't love him or her as much as I will. Self absorbed people.
Who?
Them.
All of them?
Most of them.
I hate them.
Me too.
What's it like?
Like what?
Getting to leave outside of this forum? What's it like?
Horrible. Just stay here okay? You're not missing anything. This place, Pokemon and all, much better than my place. Don't worry about it.
I'll take your word for it. You should try and sleep.
No.
Eat?
Not hungry.
You said you were.
I know.
When did you last eat? A meal, not the rice in the kitchen.
Two days ago? I think.
You know that's bad.
Shut up.
Sorry. Just saying.
I should do something fun, maybe argue with someone, maybe write something, maybe draw something, maybe hold my breath and see how long it takes to pass out.
That's dumb.
You're dumb.
Good one, Luna.
Thanks. What do we do now?
I dunno. You go off and do what you do, and I wait here for you to come back.
You're me, I know that, do you have a name?
Eclipse. You know that. We've met before like this.
Right, okay. I'll remember this time. If I name a shiny Eclipse, which should it be?
That other Pumpkaboo that you lazily named, name it Eclipse. I would like to be the thing you love most on this site, please.
Okay, you're going to make me cry haha. I will do that.
You are crying.
I know. I'll stop.
It's okay. I won't judge. You know that.
I know. Thanks.
No problem.
Hey, Eclipse?
Hm?
You know what I hate?
Yes actually, but you'll tell me anyway.
I hate people that beg for clicks. Every, single, day. As if, you know, I forgot how to play the game or something. I get if you need certain eggs hatched because daycare overflows or need a legendary hatched. But my god, every day my feed is getting ambushed by the same people saying "click my eggs this" and "I interacted some amount of times" and sad thing is I'm usually really quick to click so all day I have to see 20+ feed messages saying "click me! Click me!" I already did!
Sounds like you want to be a hermit haha.
Ha I wouldn't go that far, just wish I could filter out messages. Anything with "click" in it gets blocked. I always use my unreturned click list so I always click people back, I don't need 20 messages telling me to. Annoying.
Annoying.
Yea. Just felt like sharing.
It's your diary, share what you want.
Heh, yea, sounds good. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
Who?
Them.
Ah. By all means.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up.
Better?
Kind of actually.
Good. Did you wish you had happier diaries?
Why? No one cares haha.
That one girl did.
So what. She'll forget me in a week.
Might not.
She will. And I'm okay with that. I don't like being poked and questioned every day by people anyway. I have clicking to do. I have hunts to do. I don't have time to message people over depressing things.
Are you lying?
You know I am.
Right. I do. Sleepy yet?
No. Want to help me click my eggs?
I can't. I'm not real, Luna.
Right. You're real to me though.
That's nice. How can I help?
Keep me up while I click people, hopefully they'll click me back, and things will hatch.
You use this to escape your real problems huh?
It works.
It does. I'll click with you.
Cool! Thanks. That's nice of you.
It's nice of you to include me. Let's start clicking.
Okay. People will be happy about it.
They'll thank you?
No, but they'll interact with me, which is nice.
Hm, sounds like, let's go.
Okay.
Posted: Fri, 21/02/2014 07:25 (10 Years ago)
Yea, you look tired, you got your female Valenfloon though.
Yea I did, 10k, not bad at all. Almost spent 200k on it.
What a jip.
Jip.
Jip.
I'm sleepy. But I'm still a bit annoyed at those acting self righteous or fake, you know what I mean.
Yea I do, how full is your friend list? And how many people actually talk to you? Start deleting people who aren't your friends, it isn't a competition.
If I delete everyone who doesn't talk to me that only leaves maybe three people.
Then you have three friends, nothing wrong with that.
I guess. I kind of want to just focus on myself, you and me. No art for other people, no hand outs, no cheap stuff. I just,
Want to be alone again?
Kind of. Is that bad?
Nah. Not really. Focus on your Pokemon, just go radio silent, no one will notice.
Yea. Tomorrow I'll keep to myself. I have grown tired of fake laughs anyway.
What about your actual friends though?
Ha, that's funny.
Thanks.
You're welcome. I'm off to bed. Good night. Watch my shiny for me.
Of course I will, good night.
Posted: Fri, 21/02/2014 16:26 (10 Years ago)
That's cool.
I think so too. I gifted her a Pumpkaboo, I was surprised when it evolved on her haha. Gave her another one with an Everstone so she can enjoy the forever cuteness of Pumpkaboo.
You do seem happy. Anything else?
My banette hunt is under way, I hope to find a mega banette, let alone a shiny. I want to have both ghost mega evolutions.
Sounds challenging.
I like challenges.
I know, me too. How's the people around you doing?
I dunno, like I said I'm kind of keeping to myself today. Thinking, breathing, things like that.
Nothing wrong with some me time.
Oh yea. That's nice, not always but sometimes.
You do seem excited, shiny hunting really brightens your day?
Yea, something about it, working towards a goal, it makes me feel alive.
Alive.
Still alive.
I like that song.
Me too... This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here,
Huge success.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperature Science: we do what we must because we can.
For the good of all of us,
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake,
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the science gets done
And you make a neat gun
For the people who are still alive.
Still alive.
Still alive.
Posted: Sun, 23/02/2014 04:40 (10 Years ago)
Did you?
Yea, it was made by Carpet, really got me excited racking my mind and trying to be quick. I love that rush, I had a lot of fun. My friend Tina was there to, she came in third and me second, it was really cool
Glad you had fun.
Yea, also I was in the auction again because my friend Laura wanted ninetales, but she hadn't been online for awhile. I'm glad I bid, I made sure to get them for her so when she came back she'd have them. If she would have been online I know she would have won them.
That was nice of you, you didn't have to do that.
I know but it made me smile. I like when people appreciate what I do, haha she called me an angel, most people aren't that thankful nowadays. I even made a thread asking for Vulpix and traded some Pokemon to make sure I got a male and female Vulpix. Now I have a pair and she does, haha like friendship bracelets.
Haha that's cute. You used to love Vulpix, I remember.
Yea, yea, I'm more about ghost now. Vulpix and eevee and starter Pokemon get tons of love. Sometimes people forget Gastly, Banette, Duskull, etc. they need love too even if they don't look like cute dogs and wolves.
Of course. They need much love.
Much love. I am also charging for my art now, 5K a piece. I know less people will request but I dont mind at all, I like being able to draw for myself again, now it doesn't feel like a chore. Some people say I should be an artist, I worry about it because will is till like drawing if it is a demand? Draw this, draw that, re-do this, shade that better. Will I love it?
People always say if you have a job you love you will never work a day in your life. But when that love becomes a demand, you'd be surprised how quickly that love fades.
Yea. Sigh... Oh well, I had fun today. Gave a gift to my friend, I gave away some Pumpkaboos, I won second place in a chat quiz, I got to say hi to people in the chat. It was fun.
I'm glad, you deserve to smile.
I'm glad you think so.
Posted: Tue, 25/02/2014 14:39 (10 Years ago)
Have you?
Yes. My art is much appreciated and people are willing to pay for it, and I'm working harder on it because of that. I think I've improved a lot since I first began my doodles. I worked on a project for Tina, I put a LOT of effort in it, not just because she's my cool chat buddy but because I was happy to give the best I could give. And my Fanfiction is going place. I'm having fun with it, I even wrote a kissy kissy scene, and I don't write those unless I'm happy, so that's a good sign.
Very good signs!
Yes, yes, very good. I have fun in the chat, I see people like Autumn, Baras, Tina, Carpet who makes fun quizzes. Diana sometimes, it's all very fun. I'm not getting people complaining to me about auctions for now, which is good because now I'm not afraid to go bet.
Haha that's good, never be afraid to waste your money.
Darn straight. Overall I'm having a good time, my Shuppet hunt is doing well, I've drawn some Pumpkaboos because that always makes me feel better. I hope to continue my plan of spreading the Pumpkaboo infection. Imagine how common they'll be! Eggs in the lab because of overflowing daycares, people with Pumpkaboo gifts, Pumpkaboo shinies everywhere! They'll rule this site and then the next site and then the whole virtual world!
Bwhahaha!
Bwhahahahaha!
Yes.
Indeed.
Posted: Thu, 27/02/2014 03:10 (10 Years ago)
Wonderful even! And I see you've been drawing Pumpkaboos like mad, very nice.
Why thank you... I'm glad I'm feeling happier, I really am. But when I'm happy, I don't talk to you much.
I know, and I'm okay with that. You need me when you need me, nothing wrong with that.
Welcome Home was pretty close to my life, from my parents, to people I knew being killed, to having no more love for anyone, the willingness to die... I didn't mean to write about myself it just sort of...
Happened?
Yea... But, people liked it! I'm glad. I wonder what will happen next.
Never know.
Yea. Thanks for listening.
No problem. Anytime.
Posted: Mon, 03/03/2014 09:01 (10 Years ago)
Tell me about it. I see your even working on a new Fanfiction too. So much to do.
So much. And not to mention the idiots around me lately. The cry babies (and that's coming from ME), the sarcastic fools, the butt kissers, the show offs, the complainers. Not just here on this place but everywhere of course, but it's mainly here where it is most annoying. People so upset over nothing, I'd laugh if I didn't feel bad that they're so overly sensitive that they can't take criticism. Oh boo-hoo I don't like your idea, that mean I don't like you of course, because everything is personal right?
Of course it is. If you don't agree with someone's ideas, you hate them on such a deep personal level.
Someone got their account locked today. I'm not sure why but they were behaving that way, trying to make me look bad because unlike some I'm not going to sit and beat around the bush when someone suggests a bad idea that I don't like. I mean come on, am I supposed to write "haha" and "oh um I'm sorry but your idea is um, it's okay but um I don't, um, really, um, agree with uh, it" get over that idea right away.
Not everyone can take that as easily as you I guess.
Maybe because I'm older and not a young child (despite me knowing very mature children on this site), maybe because I've seen the real world and have been put down and criticized and beaten on all my life that little things like "I don't agree with your idea" don't bother me. But since there are kids on this site I guess I should put hearts "<3" and "hehe" and "oh um" in my responses to suggestions so people don't feel attacked or feel bad. Because that's how the world works right? People bow down and kiss your feet so you don't cry. If that were true I'd be much better off in life I'm sure.
True. But don't let it bother you, those people are annoying yes but take pride in the fact you can be stronger than them. That you stand by your beliefs whether people support it or not. That you can have friends without forcing them to support your ideas and not feel like you can't be friends with people who don't support you. That you know how to separate business from pleasure. Don't let them make you feel guilty for being able to voice your opinion in a mature way.
I guess. It just annoys me I think, I mean I'm basically screaming "get off your high horse the world doesn't revolve around you." Because I possess the literary skills to represent my side in English while others may not, due to lack of vocabulary, English being a second language, or any other reason, doesn't mean I'm a bad person. Because I can speak my mind and not fear what people think doesn't make me mean to the people I disagree with. If they're too lost in their fantasy world of always being right then that's not my problem.
I remember months ago where you would have agreed with these kinds of people to avoid conflict, to make friends, to be loved. I'm glad you're improving and not being pushed over as much.
Yea... I guess I'm able to step away you know? I can be mad at reading one thing, but I can step away and go have fun in hero chat or in my club. I used to let people being mad at me get to me, I'd feel guilty. But people have told me that I shouldn't feel guilty for disappointing people, such as outbidding them, for making good points against their suggestions, for refusing to give into their demands. Sure, I feel empowered and a bit more respected, but there will always be a hint of sadness in me knowing that just because I disagree with someone they won't like me anymore.
Not everyone can be as reasonable as you, but think about the people who are that you know. You're friends with some mods, some awesome people in the chat, you even chatted on skype with people. It was fun wasn't it? Those people are the people you should be worried about, not the random dumbs that think friendship is about always giving into their demands and agreeing with their opinions.
Yea, I know, you're right. You can't please everyone. I know. I wish I could. I want everyone to be happy, but that's just me in my fantasy world. My happiness will be at least one persons unhappiness. My support for an idea will be followed by someone who doesn't support. Me winning an auction will be someone losing an auction. Me getting an event egg will be someone who didn't get it. Why does happiness have to be a trade?
Because life isn't fair. And people will always disagree. But, in my opinion, if we learned how to separate personal from business then maybe we wouldn't have to trade so much. But that won't happen, we are humans after all. If this could happen we would be named perfect.
Heh, point taken... Is it wrong to not feel bad?
Explain.
When someone yells at you or gets upset. Is it wrong for me not to feel bad for them? I mean, I don't know, is it wrong to not feel guilty?
I don't know, I don't think so. I don't feel bad when others do that, I do however wish them luck haha.
Luck from what?
Luck in life with attitudes like that.
Haha yea, I guess there is no use getting offended, just wish them good luck and hope they grow up I guess.
About all you can do, if anything at all. But if I were you, which I am, I wouldn't think about it. Those people aren't your friends, they don't know you, so don't let them talk to you and put you down as if they know you. You have friends, Luna, pretty cool ones might I add. You have artist friends, Pumpkaboo lover friends, kind friends, friends that can keep secrets, friends that support you,,friends that like your stories. You do have friends, Luna. Try and remember that.
I will. I do like more people here than people I don't. It seems every other day I'm meeting someone new. Sometimes I want to say hi, maybe invite them to join my club, but I'm still shy about that. I don't want people to feel like I kind of do at times: lonely. Always smile for other people's benefit. If I have to smile, laugh, pretend, tell jokes, anything to make others happy that's usually what I do. So I guess it feel weird, saying "no" to all of that and standing my ground. I don't want people to feel they have to do what I do, that they can be themselves with their beliefs and still be at least my friend. No one should have to be forced to smile and act a fool.
No one, Luna.
Yea. Do you think they know? They know I'm not always laughing when I say I am? That I'm not always smiling? Always happy? I'm sure they do but haha I just keep it up, laughing.
That one guy knows.
Ugh I didn't mean to tell him, I was just so upset. Haha I hope he isn't too worried about me.
He might be, might not. But he's your friend right?
Mmhm... I wonder what tomorrow will be like.
More personal attacks, more people insulting you, more people supporting you, more people kissing your butt, more people getting offended, more people laughing with you, more people comforting you. It's always a mixed bag, that's what scares me and scares you. You never know what will happen, who will say what, why, when, it's scary. And we think about, everyday, every minute, our next move in a hypothetical situation. Always thinking, our minds always racing.
Ugh don't remind me haha. She told us not to do that so much.
She's stupid.
Aw come on, she's trying to help.
Because she gets paid. That's not important though.
You're right, not important.
You should sleep, you can get the event egg later.
Yea, I'm tired. All this butt hurt around me is making me tired and frustrated with people. I'm glad I have friends around that genuinely make me laugh, make me happy, make me forget sometimes why I'm so mad.
You should tell them that, tell your friends you like them, tell them they mean a lot to you.
You know I can't.
Too shy?
Too shy.
Posted: Fri, 07/03/2014 05:26 (10 Years ago)
How?
Do you remember Harold? He was a Tomato Hornworm, he was adorable with his red hook thing and body with little eyes one him. He was beautiful, at least to me.
Ah yea, I remember. You found him in the tomato garden and your mom was grossed out.
Yep that's the one. I kept him in a jar and fed him tomatoes from the garden, man he pooped a lot haha I had to constantly clean his little jar. I was so excited when I woke up one day and he became a cocoon!
Haha that was awesome! You were like "Mom look!" She said he'd be ugly.
Stupid of her, he grew into a beautiful moth! I remember waking up hearing him taping against the glass when he hatched. Oh man I was so happy... I don't remember many times when I've been that happy.
I miss that feeling too. You smiled and laughed and you were happy, what happened to that?
I don't know. I loved him, my moth friend, my best friend. He let me hold him, talk to him, he'd never venture too far when I let him loose in my room. He was the best moth I ever knew. Haha I'm starting to cry now, I miss that little guy.
I know, me too. Why do you think we never open up to people, but to pets and animals and insects we are open books?
Animals and pets and insects don't judge. They don't lie and say that everything will be alright. They don't try and out do you. They don't try and relate to you. I loved Harold because he just sat there, he didn't make me talk, and he didn't laugh at me, he didn't expect anything much out of me. He tolerated me haha, me, this sad little girl who always cried with him at night when the yelling went on. But he never asked why, he never lied to me and said I'd get better, he never said a word. He was just there for me to be next to. He was my best friend.
I miss him.
I miss him more.
Do you have anyone like that now?
I have turtles.
People, I mean.
Oh... Well, not really. I mean, I have friends but... None like this. None that I just want to hug and cry with and never let go. I have no one I really trust to just... let go. To stop pretending with. To stop pretending to be happy with. Someone who will just sit there and sit there with me and watch as I cry and laugh and scream and beg and yell and sleep and wake up. I wish I had a Harold in my life.
Don't we all?
Yea... Is it wrong to want that?
No, at least, I don't think so. Why?
I feel like I will be in trouble for saying hi to some people. To asking how they are. I feel like I'll be in the way. That's why I loved Harold, he was always there and I didn't have to ask for him to be. Is that why people like Pokemon too? They love you, they trust you, they listen to you, but they don't lie to you, they don't betray you, they don't hurt you. And if they did, it's always to the bad guy, or it's always resolved later on. Humans, nothing like that. We hold grudges, we lie, we steal, and we excuse it by saying "I'm only human." We make excuses for each other all the time. Harold never did that.
Yea... And... Hm...
What?
You know what I want to say.
I know. But don't, okay?
I know, I won't. But. I don't know.
Me either... I miss Harold. He was perfect. At least to me, and losing him was like losing my hope in... Everything. I miss that hope that things will get better. I miss my hope that life is worth it.
Haha, you sound like your old self again.
Yea... That's bad, huh?
It's honesty. You should stop lying to yourself, and to others. They think you're okay, Luna. They don't know.
They don't need to! It's fine! What would them knowing do?! Help me?! I won't! You're supposed to be me so why do you tell me things I don't want to hear?!
Dunno, there's a reason you hate yourself right? Maybe it's me.
Or maybe it's me.
Could be. Who knows?
Does it matter?
No, not really.
Should we try smiling again?
Your choice.
Not really. If it were my choice you know...
Yea. I know. Try and be happy Luna, for me, well, for us. Please.
I'll try. Just for a while. To be happy about something.
Will you keep lying to them?
Of course. They don't need to know. Who are they to know? If I disappeared, I wouldn't want them to worry.
Shhh... Get better, Luna.
Thanks, Eclipse.
You said my name.
Is that good?
Dunno. I honestly don't.
Posted: Sat, 08/03/2014 18:52 (10 Years ago)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
We went to the same mental hospital at Sparrow for while. He was worse than me, but we laughed and smiled, we faked it. He told me to always keep smiling so the doctors think you're okay and you can go home. I wasn't a sad as him, I got out first. It was a little before thanksgiving, I remember, he called me saying they let him out finally.
You loved him didn't you?
I did. A lot. But I never told him. Why? I could have told him. I could have said something but I'm such a ducking idiot I didn't! He's gone and I didn't do anything! Why did he leave me?! He said we would die together and he left me! He was all I had left, I loved him so much and he just ended if without me. Why?! He promised me we'd be okay.
You have to keep smiling. No crying. No sadness. Laugh. Smile! Laugh!
I can't. I loved him and he's gone.
You promised him you'd keep smiling, you promised.
I promised. I miss him. I love him, why did he leave me alone? Why did he go without me! What do I do now? Where do I go?
I don't know. We have to stay alive, Luna. We promised him we'd be authors! We promised him! Don't you dare break your promise to him or I swear to that made up God that I will leave you and you will be alone.
We did promise. We promised him. I want to grow up. I want to write. I want to draw. I want to be good and say it was thanks to this suicidal kid that no one loved expect me! I want him to be happy! I want him to love me too! Why did he leave me! I loved you you damn idiot and you left me! I hate you so much why did you leave me here?! I hate you! I hate you I hate you I hate you!
Please, don't leave, you love him.
I won't forgive him. No matter what. He left me. I hate him. I hate him.
Humans don't forgive I know, but you can try.
Huge chose to leave me, why. I tried to smile as hard as I could. Out didn't help. I am alone.
O Abe me
I'm I red. I can't even spell. I'm blind. I miss I'm. I hate him.
We must smile, we must laugh, we promised.
We promised, I'll try. I will try so hard to smile. I'm trying, but it's too hard.
Posted: Wed, 02/04/2014 07:32 (10 Years ago)
I've been shipped with Techie, which I am okay with, I think he's cute haha so at least people have good taste shipping us together.
I'm angry my birthday is coming up. Another year to reflect on all the bull that I've been through: the mental hospital, the drinking, the yelling, the running from home, the crying, being told you're a failure by a woman who can't even support her own family, the death of Mike, and of course my cat getting hit by a car but hey at least she's live.
Oh sure, look at the bright side. You have a good job people don't appreciate. You have internet friends. You despise people but smile so not to cause trouble. You have two healthy turtles who will probably out live you at this rate. Yea, so nice.
I'm going to be 19 years old. I'll sit on my bed, drink a wine cooler, watch TV, know that my parents forgot... again... because me being brought into this world I guess doesn't mean much. I'll cry and laugh knowing 19 years of my life have passed by that I won't get back. And I'll wallow in my own self pity, and start the next day. Some people here who remembered my birthday are trying to get me presents, I wish they wouldn't, I don't want them going out of their way to make me happy. Besides, why have them waste their PD or their time or ruin their hunts for me when I could probably do it easier? I have time to waste, I have PD to burn, they don't. I don't want them wasting their hard earned stuff when all I did was buy mine.
Hm, I don't get it. It's weird sometimes I wish people were more selfish, them just acknowledging my coming into this world would be enough really. Pff, a generic "Happy Birthday, Luna" would be great. I haven't heard that saying in years. When was the last time I had a birthday party? Long time if I can't remember.
I hate birthdays. My mom says it's just another year closer to the big sleep, wonderful. Still, I won't rain on anyone else's parade, just my own. I hate my birthdays. I don't even like cake. I don't like groups of people. I don't like balloons unless in Pokemon form. I don't like attention, people going up to me and asking what I plan on doing with my life, people pretending to care and love me for a birthday when I haven't seen them in years.
I hate birthdays but I wish I didn't. I want to be happy turning 19 but I'm not. I want to be overjoyed that I'm a free woman in a world of infinite possibilities, but it's scary.
I hate birthdays. Maybe I won't come on the site that day, most likely I will though I mean other than this and the people here I've got no one. I'd be entirely alone. Maybe I'll just play it off, not many people will notice. Except the two I think. I'll just kind of treat it like a normal day, wallow in my self pity just like last year, and wonder what happens later.
Hm. I wonder if other people get this way, or if it's just me.