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Filip's diary.
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Posted: Fri, 18/12/2020 16:32 (4 Years ago)
Hellooooo
It's kinda weird to write here again, but I guess I just need it? Maybe to let go of it, maybe to sort out my thoughts, I have no idea honestly
Christmas is soon! That's always fun :D Me and my friends decided to send packages to each other, can't wait for them to arrive :) I believe it's the very first time in my life that I actually bought Christmas gifts for someone, and it's a really nice feeling, hopefully I'll get to do it again
I keep realizing bad stuff about myself. I still lie a lot, I still try to look for ways to hurt myself, I still have tons of negative thoughts, and uhh..
I'm still dumber than everyone, that hasn't changed at all, I still have no idea how to make others happy, I still feel so, SO useless at so many moments, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I think, I still feel just, useless, you know? When it comes to me and my problems, it's always just jealousity, feeling left out, stress, and people always find ways to calm me down, but when others are unhappy, I just get lost and scared, and I REALLY don't want to just sit here and listen, because it's so obvious that I'm not helping anyone at all
My therapist said I should try to appreciate myself at least a little, "all adults should be able to see their bad sides, as well as their good sides, right?", and I know it's true, but I just, I don't know man
Hopefully Christmas will be fun for everyone, I'm kinda excited honestly :)
I guess it's a good moment to say: merry sharkmass, best wishes, stay safe everyone :D