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eisner OFFLINE   Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Wed, 13/11/2024 13:23 (20 Days ago) |
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(meeting and) talking to two people
who hurt me (in the past) is not on my 2024 bingo list.
im kinda distracting myself from the thought of sitting through a 6-7 hr road trip and meeting my abuser by Keeping It Together and going 'oh well at least i can go to the borders of thailand :)' because, truly, who am i if not for the fact that im good at making it seem like im not actually stressed out when i am deep inside i hope i am just a silly little creature to you guys. nothing i say is not and should not be taken seriously after all. why ask to be taken seriously at times when people wont do so, why not just go along with their whims amiright. puts on my silly jester hat. does my silly little dance i know i said i wanted a change of scenery after being upset with my housemates earlier this week but not like this!!! anyway im counting days till i can meet mio n faith again. might get that makoto nui as an early bday gift for faith. mios travelling rn so erm maybe ill hang with them next week or the following month. idk im aware that im growing an unhealthy attachment towards both of them and im working to... detach myself? lower my expectations? just so the situation with [REDACTED] last year doesnt repeat itself. come late december and thats a full year since i last talked to him. yippee (?) unrelated note, cant gaslight me when im already messed up in the head from various things ive committed to myself (and others inflicted on me to the point of me blocking said memories out. shoutout to miss rona's world tour for uncovering them) i genuinely Dont Care what happened. good for you. sorry that happened. idk. call me heartless, call me spineless, maybe thats me but thats also on you. you kinda did this to yourself [Read more] |
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eisner OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Sat, 02/11/2024 18:17 (1 Month ago) |
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eisner OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Sat, 02/11/2024 13:51 (1 Month ago) |
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without overexplaining things, yesterday was.. well, it wasnt stressful at all. it was exhausting. mentally draining to be exact. your honor, even my lawyers are speechless of course, we had our enstars watch party last night and yaaaay we finished the anime im sitting faith and mio down to watch the movie next. this is my cocomelon /j can i just go about a day without attracting weirdos because what the heck, pursuing a degree was a mistake /lh /hj two days in a row.... give me a break, seriously.... anyway, obligatory JPstars pull + yuki's live reaction(s)       i say himeru's next bcoz yuki got eichi and himeru 5 stars instead of arashi's at home gacha card (its ok, their wife came after like... 150 pulls and 30 MYR /lh) "you know its serious when an art student does maths" - yuki, 2024 [Read more] |
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eisner OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Fri, 01/11/2024 17:17 (1 Month ago) |
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my art program is medibang and i use the free default brushes, specifically pencil (for sketches), pen (for lineart and details / highlights), round brush (for blocking out / blending) and soft pastels (for blush) i apologize for my incomprehensible handwriting gasdfghjkl--- feel free to ask any questions if you have any uncertainties !! 
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eisner OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Thu, 31/10/2024 17:43 (1 Month ago) |
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This is the best encounter ever…  [Read more] |
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eisner OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Thu, 31/10/2024 15:27 (1 Month ago) |
  in which i wanna stream art but its 11 pm as of writing this and i dont have the energy to talk (funnily enough! for a yapper like me) and faith holds me at gunpoint forcing me to talk if i were to stream (all in good light hearted /j banter) ive been seriously demotivated to draw as of late, no idea why so i decided to settle on one of my countless wips  its not general jing yuan i swear ;;; im currently in week 4 or 5 in uni. i cant remember. this semester feels too lax im kinda worried gasdfghjkl cant gaslight me if i cant remember my own schedule when im this far in the school year /lh erm... rent life is great, the walk to and from class is nice + the bus ride on the way to my faculty is longer than if i were to live in the dorms (not to mention my ex dorm unit had a water shortage problem for two days??? thank god im renting outside) ive been getting *really* into photocard decorating now. me being into enstars doesnt make it any better for it (bcoz u kno... official pocas / pashakores...) and of course i gotta buy photocards of my blorbos everytime i hit any local cons uhhhhhh other than that?!?!?! im excited for cf2024 hehe... bebe's first LCB group photoshoot.... looking forward to it... [Read more] |
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eisner OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Thu, 31/10/2024 12:54 (1 Month ago) |
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my hair's gotten longer and im kinda on the fence on getting a haircut because on one hand i look good. on the other my hair sheds everywhere 
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eisner OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Thu, 31/10/2024 12:48 (1 Month ago) |
   --- Congratulations! A shiny Ponyta
(Galarian) hatched out of one of your eggs (Chain #43)!
October 26th 07:38PM Congratulations! A shiny Ponyta (Galarian) hatched out of one of your eggs (Chain #95)! October 29th 07:57AM Congratulations! A shiny Ponyta (Galarian) hatched out of one of your eggs (Chain #117)! October 30th 08:18AM Congratulations! A shiny Ponyta (Galarian) hatched out of one of your eggs (Chain #135)! October 30th 03:49PM Congratulations! A shiny Ponyta (Galarian) hatched out of one of your eggs (Chain #162)! October 31st 11:50AM Congratulations! A shiny Ponyta (Galarian) hatched out of one of your eggs (Chain #164)! October 31st 01:49PM [Read more] |
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eisner OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Tue, 29/10/2024 08:45 (1 Month ago) |
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eisner OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Tue, 29/10/2024 08:39 (1 Month ago) |
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how much remorse does one have to show
for me to be able to forgive them?
i know, i know. 'you should only accept someone's apology if you're ready to forgive them' and all but truly, i cant help asking that to myself. just how much remorse should you show for me to be able to forgive you? its scary how, the more you show remorse for your (past) actions, the more apathetic i grow towards you i guess saying that meeting you was my worst mistake is giving you too much credit. because otherwise it wouldnt snowball to me meeting mio and faith. i shouldnt be alive past 16 but here i am. i know our frontal lobes arent fully developed then but. m. that still doesnt excuse the things you did to me honestly. the hurt you gave to me. and i hate that amidst my apathy for you now, i find myself still wishing the best for you and still have the slightest bit to forgive you. only slightly. please dont take me as a fool like you did then. sure, meeting you gave me psychological torture (/hj), self-doubt and attachment issues in the long run. add gaslighting myself in the long laundry list as well why dont you? /lh i hope this is the last time ill even think or talk negatively about you. anyway i love my friends. wouldnt trade them for the world !!!!!! [Read more] |
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eisner OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,615 |
Posted: Mon, 28/10/2024 09:21 (1 Month ago) |
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