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I'm Feeling Lucky
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Dorky OFFLINE   Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 16:45 (1 Year ago) |
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I wish I could figure my life out! [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 16:43 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVLucian's eyes widened. Oh my god. Was he... Having trouble breathing? "It's okay, it's okay, I--" "L-Lu...lucian..." So... He recognized him, at least. Was he okay? "Where... is she...?" Lucian winced. She. Where was... There was only one person he could mean, wasn't there? "...Kaoru is... she's..." ...oh god. What was he even supposed to say? She's... Dead, Kubo? She's dead. "I... Don't know where she is, Kubo. I'm sorry..." Well, that was true... At least... "...are you okay? I... I said Akari and I were... Going to get you to the Nurse's Office." He swallowed. "...but... I guess I could... Stay here and talk if you need that-" He stopped abruptly. Oh my god, what was he thinking? Was it an obligation because he was a therapist, or... Did he just want that time with- He shook his head. "...we should probably get you to the Nurse's Office. Are... You okay with that?" [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 04:39 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVLucian's mouth opened slightly, but he decided not to say any more. He instead slightly drew out a breath... "K...aoooru...? Zzz... z'at you?" His eyes widened. "H-Hey... Kubo. It's... Me, Lucian. Are you alright?" He tensed a bit before continuing. "...I think you might have a concussion, so... I thought I should get you to the Nurse's Office. Akari's here, too. He's... Here to help. I promise." He's just a patient. Just a client. Poor Kubo. He... Seemed so out of it. He thinks that I'm... Her? Must have been the concussion. He winced. ...Kaoru. She was... Dead. She was dead dammit she was dead you couldn't save her you couldn't save her-- Couldn't save anyone from themselves dammit people were all bad, People were all so bad- No, GOOD! People were all good. They just needed to be helped. ... They're all the same dammit they're all different dammit ... Oh god oh god oh god I don't want to be like that. ... Kaoru? Kaoru, why? Why did... Why... Why...? Why did anyone kill anyone? Stop killing. Don't kill. Not killing. Not killers. Why did some people kill to get what they wanted? Why did some people... Why were some people so cruel and merciless? Lucian quietly hummed a melody to himself. Maybe... To calm Kubo down maybe to calm himself he didn't know dammit he didn't know he was supposed to know He was good, he was the healer. He didn't hurt. He'd never hurt. ...he didn't matter dammit he was dead he was supposed to be dead the end roll the credits roll the dang credits close the curtain Everyone happy smiling smiling smiling himself not part of the picture Kaoru why did you go and... Mei why did you go and... Futatabi, no. Horatia, no. ... He was supposed to be dead. Because he already was. He was living on borrowed time. It all caught up to you eventually. ...A gun to the neck. Knife to the throat. And in the end... You were nothing. [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 03:13 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVLucian frowned. Oh... Poor Akari. He didn't mean to upset him... "...I... I wouldn't mind. Being woken up by you." He realized how awkward that sounded. Still, he... Really wanted to comfort him. So... He was really insecure, wasn't he? His eyes widened. Sorry, Akari had said. So very quietly. As though he had done something wrong. Lucian shook his head. "No, no. It's alright. I... Was just thinking..." He inhaled sharply. "...I don't want people to keep dying. Why have we even killed each other? What if..." ... "...no... Nono... The idea is preposterous. I just... Wondered if..." ... "...Kaoru was right. About Hope's Peak being a family. But... We're a broken family, Akari. One that needs to be fixed. One torn apart by... Our own tragedies. Each and every one of us." ... "...we're all hurting, and we're all scared. And confused. And reluctant. We let the bear tear us apart from..." He got that starry, faraway look in his eyes again. "...that potential. What we all are. What we all could be. Our best selves. All... Friends. All... Happy. At least... Sometimes." ... "...but, it's okay! No one else will have to die. Somehow..." You really believe that, Lucian? ... The body count grows by the day ... Who knows how many more threats? Shouts? Tears? Gunshots? Pleading, pleading, pleading, stabbing, laughing- "...you have nothing to be sorry for. It's okay, really." He hesitated, slowly, soundlessly walked over, and carefully felt at Kubo's hair, gently nudging his side. He was so... Strangely beautiful. Oh dammit no he couldn't think that right now He momentarily wondered what he looked like with his hair ties off. His silky blue hair and his pale skin and his closed eyes and frozen expression he--- He looked so... Peaceful. It was strange. "Kubo? Hey. It's... Me. Lucian. Please wake up." I'm going to help you, okay? And Akari, and everyone else. [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Mon, 10/04/2023 23:39 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVMy call. Of course, that would make sense. It would be unfair to put the decision on Akari's shoulders (figuratively or literally), because he was already helping out. Again. And, of course, there were certainly things to be considered. Lucian scanned Akari's face, his posture, his movements... He seemed a little unnerved. And then he looked at their little Sleeping Beauty here... If he woke Kubo up, what if things got rough between him and Akari? Lucian sighed so softly it almost didn't even sound like a sigh. More like the slightest breeze of wind, the near-silent breath of a spirit. If he didn't wake Kubo up, and Akari was the one carrying him, and he woke up before they could put him down... Things might get even worse. But he knew poor Akari probably wasn't looking forward to it either way. There was only one call to make here, that wouldn't end disastrously. He turned to look at Akari, giving him a reassuring smile. He would have given him his hand, either in his or on his shoulder, in an act of friendly reassurance. However, he figured he better not, and his fingers lingered from doing so. "...hey. Think we should wake him. But..." He paused thoughtfully. "I'll be right here. To calm him down. If things get rough." Dog. Only a dog. ... It was almost LIKE a vet appointment, wasn't it? Restrain Kubo from biting Dr. Akari over here. Pull out the collar, leash, and muzzle. Lucian shook his head and tried to hide his amused smile. "...it's almost like he's a fiesty puppy." He stifled a laugh. "...I suppose... I should wake him, right?" Definitely less intimidating to be woken up by the small, gentle hands of a tiny 95-pound-boy rather than... Well, that nonsense went on way too long. Either thought was amusing, though. Kubo as a freaking princess or a dog? Wow, Lucian was getting more and more like Mei every day. Slow clap. This was a freaking moment of crisis, was Fluffy McLight Nagayto Komarbred getting delirious? "I... Don't suppose he'd be happy. Being woken by you. I don't mean that in a bad way." It almost made him sad, really. Why couldn't they be friends? It wasn't like Kubo or Akari really seemed like the friend type. It's just... ... The look upon Lucian's face seemed even sadder, as he raised his scarf further to cover it up. This was why people kept dying, wasn't it? "family," he murmured to himself. Miyako was right. Family. Kaoru was right, even though... They too had wound up killing someone. Family. If they were all family, things could be different. Why couldn't they all just get along? That's how the story was supposed to go. It can still go that way. I can fix this. I'll figure it out. Little did Lucian know, that a certain event would come up... That might make that a little... Easier? Or would it? Well, he'd have to see. [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Mon, 10/04/2023 18:25 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVUpon noticing Akari's silence, Lucian drooped on the inside. That was... The wrong thing to say. The wrong thing to imply. "...Let's go, Lucian..." Oh, so... He was following him. He was coming after all... Lucian wasn't sure how to feel about that. Well, it wasn't like how he felt was what mattered anyway. Maybe... It'd help Kubo more in the long run. But Lucian was worried about Akari. Would he be okay? Why did he keep... Gripping at his neck like that? No. I don't want to be invasive. ...but... No, he'd figure that out later. Lucian knocked gently on the door. He knocked again and again, ever so quietly, but loud enough to be heard. There was no response. He visibly paled. Was... Kubo alright? The door was unlocked. He sighed, and turned to Akari. "I guess... He... Fell unconscious, maybe." He covered up his worry for the most part with a sad smile. Guess they were going in? Lucian carefully opened the door, and walked in. Kubo was on his bed, completely unconscious. Was he sleeping? Had he fainted? Lucian was unsure. He glanced in worry at the bruise upon Kubo's face, and momentarily wondered if through the power of gay panic, he had somehow not felt the bump on Kubo's head. But that begged the question... How did he bump it? "...should we... Try to carry him to the Nurse's Office or wake him up?" [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Mon, 10/04/2023 05:30 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVAnd that was what caused Lucian to fall completely silent. He wasn't a doctor, either. At least not in the physical sense. ... And was he even a therapist? Look at me. Asking for help. Burdening someone with my problems. And he himself... Looks like he's going through a lot right now. Yeah, that's right, dammit. Akari had to help Mei when she was injured, and now Kubo? Mei... Who was dead now? Lucian nearly winced at the thought. Mei... Who he never got to understand. Who he never got to... Possibly make amends with. Become friends with. Maybe... Help. And he never got to tell her the one thing only she would understand, she had died without knowing. No one else here would have understood. Somehow, he felt strangely certain of that. And now... She was gone. Dead. And gone. Inside that Execution Room. Never to hold another pen, or to hold another hand. Eyes, light slowly draining. Skin slowly paling. Hair, fading. Everything, fading. Never to speak another word. Never to embrace the future. There was no future for the dead. Will I wind up like that too?... Except... Except no Idris. Because, psh... No. Kubo wouldn't care. Of course... Kubo wouldn't... What was his deal? Grim Reaper. Angel. Anger. Holding. Hurtful words. Apologies. Trusts me, wants to protect me. Hates me, wants to kill me. And then... Kubo's lips on his, arms pulling him closer and feeling through his hair... While probably having a concussion. Asking if he was an angel. Again, repeat, having a concussion. It... It couldn't mean anything, right? There was this slight tingling of hope that maybe... Maybe subconsciously, or unconsciously, at the very least, that there was something there. That maybe Kubo was afraid of rejection or didn't understand his feelings or thought everything might go wrong and maybe just maybe ... Maybe he loved Lucian, too. But Lucian couldn't bear the thought either way. Because... If he didn't love him, it would hurt. If he did... It would be a whole new problem. How would he ever confess to Kubo the truth? And could he really just let himself fall in love in a Killing Game? If he didn't love him... That'd be best. Because then there was no chance of anyone getting hurt. Kubo was right about him, really. Always the middle ground. Always everyone else's answers, never his own. Never wanting to share his own truth. Lucian was just a vanishing face in a crowd of people. A single cloud in the sky. A wisp of wind. A drop of water in the ocean. He was something, and yet he was nothing. No one would remember him. He was nothing special. All he did was try to help people. And did that thought bother him? No... Not really. It was how it was supposed to be. It was other people that mattered. And Lucian, so small, and so fragile, just a small dust cloud. Just one small blow of breath and then he would vanish. And then he remembered... Kubo needed him. But he couldn't force Akari to help him... Not again. He couldn't do that again. That wasn't fair. "...well... I'm- not either. Not outside of the mind, that is. I... Do know some things but..." He paused. "...Yeah, yeah sure..." "...Lead the way..." Lucian looked Akari up and down, before stiffening. "...I... You're sure?" ... "I mean, maybe... I'll just... Um... I could find some supplies in the Nurse's Office and bring them in there or... I guess I could... Try and drag him into the..." He sighed. Oh, please. The idea sounded pathetic... "...I don't want to burden you again, Akari. Especially... Not after..." He stopped himself from saying 'Mei'. Ah, god, what if he made it sound like he didn't want Akari's help? He shifted awkwardly. "I, well... Unless... You're really okay with it." He slowly made his way to Kubo's dorm room, and tried to hint that Akari could follow if he wanted to, but he didn't have to. I'm not supposed to need help. I'm supposed to solve everyone's problems. WHAT AM I DOING? ... Get Kubo medical care, dammit. THEN HELP AKARI. He needs help, he clearly needs help. If... He wants it. His fingers were slowly curling into fists. Lucian didn't know why, but... He felt strangely... Angry. I'm going to fix this, dammit. I'm going to fix everything. ... Everyone will be happy. ... Alive. Happy. I swear it. No matter what I have to do to make it happen. No matter what I don't matter I don't matter if I die it's okay just let them be happy- ... Everyone will be smiling. [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Sun, 09/04/2023 21:48 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVOh... My goodness. His eyes widened and eyebrows raised, stunned into silence at Akari's appearance. He thought it'd be rude to comment on it. Was he okay? No, since when was... Akari ever okay? At least, he never seemed to be okay. Where is he, Akari had asked him. And Lucian had quivered a bit, at the slightness of possible anger in his voice. The slightness of demand. That felt all too familiar... He had to focus. "He's... In a dorm room not specified by the plot. I can show you to him. He also has this bruise on his face that might need some attending to, I-- really hope he'll be okay... I--" He sighed. "...I'm so sorry for... Burdening you like this, Akari. I understand if you don't want to help. I noticed you two didn't seem to... Like each other very much, for some reason or other..." His hair and eyes seemed to droop right along with him as he spoke. "...but, he's hurt, and... Well, he's... One of our fellow students here, we can't just... Let him suffer and possibly..." He shivered. Well, and of course Lucian was in love with him, but he wasn't going to mention that part. How selfish would that be? Oh, Akari, we have to help him because I have feelings for him, not because he's a human being like us and doesn't deserve to just be left to suffer-- "...I-- understand if you don't want to help, but... I could- show you to the room if... You're okay with it." He tugged at his scarf. "I would... Do it alone but... He's too heavy for me to carry." His face flushed as he said that, and he immediately pulled his scarf up. Your goddamn body. It was always in conflict with your mind. "...so... Is it okay? Can you help? It's... Alright if not." [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Sat, 08/04/2023 17:16 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POV... If they knew I was in love with you. Not only that he was a man that Lucian loved. That Lucian ached to kiss, blasphemy on its own, but... ... What would they say of his profession? All the things Lucian couldn't disclose, although he wanted to. Forever lingering in his mind. In his thoughts. Buried deep where no one could find them. Out in the ground, covered further by snow... Cement shoes turned concrete, the cycle complete. Now no one would ever know what hid beneath the surface. Lucian wanted to cry. He... He didn't want to think about... No, stop. About what people would think of him if they knew. No one would ever trust him ever again. I'm not like that, I swear! ...but if he confessed his feelings, if he let this become true. If he let himself fall into Kubo's arms, if he told him the truth... There would always be the other truth. The one that scared him half to death. People couldn't control what situation they were born into, though, could they? ... I could have done better. No one should have died. Not here, not there. Everywhere you went, death stared you right in the face. With those cold, cold eyes. That person wasn't breathing anymore, this person isn't breathing anymore. Everyone was dead when you thought about it. Some were just more alive than others. Did Mom really kill herself?... All the people that you'd miss. And oh, how Lucian wanted to protect Kubo. He didn't want to tell him the truth. Because then he might leave or hate him or be scared of him or-- And if he didn't. What then? Suppose they got out of this place together? A future... With him? What if he wound up dead? He left that life behind long ago. But it always chased you, it always lingered. The question was always there. Never truly safe... And Lucian found himself wanting to weep once again, but forcing himself not to. Because he wished... He wished he was a boy who had grown up in a normal place with a normal life and that his family had been alive and well, and that he wouldn't get judged for having feelings or being in love with... Being in love with Kubo. Who reminded him of his past in the worst ways, and dragged him away from it in the best. A source of curiosity for sure. A mystery he wanted to solve, perhaps. A fascination. Funny, that. Detectives and therapists both solved mysteries. Especially about people. It all always came back to the people. So really, he and Kubo weren't all that different. If he wasn't terrified beyond all belief, he would leap right into Kubo's arms. He would admit he was in love with him, and they'd figure something out. Even so, was... He still going to tell him? Did he still want to tell him, regardless of the risk? He knew he should stay away. Every law of logic screamed at him to stay away. But that feeling, of Kubo's lips on his... His arms wrapped tightly around him... Those eyes, and that voice... And oh, that hair... And Kubo, Kubo, Kubo. Everything that was Kubo. It stirred in him a fascination, a love beyond words that would not go away. His heart pounded out of his chest. He found himself surprised that it was still beating. So much bittersweetness there was. Did Kubo love him? Did he hate him? Perhaps both?... Did it even really matter? Since when did... What Lucian wanted ever matter? And then his eyes widened. As he sat up, upon that floor. He realized... NO, MAYBE HE DID HAVE A CONCUSSION! And... He just kissed me because he wasn't aware of what he was doing. Wait, Kubo... He was on the floor right now. "I-- Kubo, oh my goodness. I'm sorry... I-" ...why on earth was he so pretty? Why did he desperately want him to kiss him again? Lucian shook his head, as if to shake away the thought, but not shaking away the blush upon his face. He knew that, unfortunately, there was only one person he could ask for help right now. "I-- I'll go... Get help, okay? I'll be right back. I promise." Kathy, I'm sorry. His cheek brushed Kubo's without thinking about it, very nearly kissing his cheek but no, not quite, because he could not let something like THAT happen again. Even though... He desperately wanted to kiss him. Again. He ran off, and somehow found the door Akari was behind because of the power of plot convenience. "A-AKARI! I- I HATE TO BOTHER YOU, BUT I--" He sighed, lowering his voice. "I think... I think Kubo's hurt. I don't know what to do. I think he... Might have a concussion. I- I'm really worried about him! And I was... Going to get help for him immediately but then..." He cursed the pause in his speech silently. "...something happened." "...do... Do you think you could help get him to the Nurse's Office? Please? I'm sorry, I know... You told me not to talk to him, but I had to check how he was doing and..." He was at a loss for words. What more could he say? Please, Akari. Help me to help him. ...and Lucian knew in his heart that he would never, ever forget that kiss. ...ever. [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 06/04/2023 18:15 (1 Year ago) |
Femi Davis's [GHOST] POVFemi took deep breaths, but wound up hyperventilating. That was not helping. Femi winced. Yeah, I suspected as much... A sad smile came upon his face. "Y-Yeah... I guess I'd... Say that's in character for them." He swallowed. They didn't forget about him, did they?... His eyes widened at Paiyoon. "You mean... W-we might be able to be together again? Even for a short time? Under... These circumstances?" A hurt look came upon his face. "O-Oh... Paiyoon... I'm... Sorry." He felt so bad. He couldn't imagine how much that hurt. "I'm... Sure you... Matter to them too." Shoot. Femi wasn't that charismatic a person. He didn't know what to tell her. Suko was, Suko would! Suko... He crossed his arms. "It-it's just... What if it was my fault?" Tears welled in his eyes. "All- all I did was... Burden them when I was alive." A redness flooded his cheeks. Him... Suko... Confessing their undying love for each other? Could things be like before, maybe even better? Femi lowered his head. "...you're... Sure you're... Okay with that?" Femi Davis's POVLight brown skin. Electric-blue eyes. Short green hair otherwise perfectly normal if not for those goofy side-loops... "S-Suko... I... I..." He darted forward and wrapped his arms around them. Hugged them. Kissed them right on the lips. He couldn't stop himself. He couldn't even think for a moment, about how inappropriate that probably was to do or-- He just didn't care. Were they really real? Really here? He was back, just for one day... With them. Your heart's a vine that I've bled trying to climb, Yeah you're making a ruin of me One, two, three... Try to survive, keep my spirit alive But like a knife in the woods, Yeah you hunt down the good in me... One temptation sparked this Now I can feel the darkness It's my own fault but you had this planned One, two, three... All of me you take now Like criminals and shakedowns Yeah, you make me forget who I am! [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 06/04/2023 01:49 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVKUBO WAS KUBO WAS FEELING AT HIS HAIR ABORT THE MISSION. ABORT!!! TOUCHING HIS WJSNKSBSJS HIS HIS WIHSISJ WHAT THE THE WHAT THE WHAT HIS ARMS Lucian felt himself shivering. Oh gosh... Oh goodness... Kubo's slightly cool touch. It was like the wind at night, it was like the slightest of snow. He felt like he'd be swept away by it. Buried, by that mysterious coldness. In a winter wonderland, as the shivery, peaceful numbness slowly took over... And all you could feel was content. He felt Kubo finally pushing him away, but his heart wouldn't stop pounding. His fingers flew to his lips, his face bright red. "I- Oh. Wow. Snow!" He felt so dizzy, so breathless. Kubo had taken his breath and snatched it away. Lucian blinked very slowly. He could barely process what had happened. What- what was... He supposed to say?! He wanted to ask if it meant what he thought it did. That Kubo might feel the same way he did, or... If he was maybe drunk or something? But as Lucian opened and closed his mouth, hardly daring to believe what had happened, he was at a complete loss for any more words. [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Wed, 05/04/2023 22:01 (1 Year ago) |
Femi Davis [GHOST]He crossed his arms, heaving in and out. No hard feelings. Just.... Try to be friendly. "H-Hey..." Great. Great starter, genius. Wait, we're... Supposed to be enemies, aren't we? Ah, screw it. When you were dead, nothing mattered. None of that mattered. "You and.... Suko, huh?" He trailed off. A sad, pathetic smile upon his face. "We... Barely started d-dating. Suko... And I. Before I... Died. And I..." He sighed. They lied. "I thought... I thought that they... Lured me off and killed me. With a note." He breathed heavily. "But, when I think about it... I- I don't think... They were the one who did it." ... "At least, I... Want to hope not. Forgive me for sounding, pssh, stupid and... Dramatic and all that but..." An ever sadder gloom descended upon his face. "They were... The first person who made me feel like I was... W-Worthy of something. I don't know if they... Genuinely loved me or not but..." You're both. I love you both as a toy, and as Femi. "But... They meant a lot to me." He lowered his head, gritting his teeth. "I'm... So sorry. About what happened to you. I- and... I'm sorry if... Mine... And... S-Suko's... History made... Things awkward." He inhaled and exhaled. "And... If you were... Were happy with them... I think I might eventually have been able to bear that." He choked back a sob. "I just... Hate seeing them... Like this." Am I selfish, Suko? ... I wanted to be more than just your toy. Boyfriend, friend, lover, soul-mate. ... Talking about animals and... Guns and snakes and ladders and... The arguments they had. Suko saving his life and Femi not knowing if he even deserved it. And the party... It all seemed to blur together. Their time together had been so brief, but Femi would cherish it always. And his mind would always be a swarm of questions... If he truly knew them or not. And he remembered, the look on Kowai's face. ...her... Comment. And his eyes widened. How could I have been so foolish? They... They didn't do it. ... Kowai Kurai tore us apart... Femi wanted to break down crying. "...I never got to help everyone," he murmured. "I- I never got to fix anything. I thought... Things might finally be okay, and then..." I was a fool. A selfish, selfish fool. Maybe I didn't deserve to get to know you, Suko. ... But... I still can't help but feel uncertain about you. "I'm glad... They had you. I-In the short time... That they did." He winced. "I never thought I'd get to live again... E-Even for such a short period of time. I thought... That was just it. That was the end... But my biggest regret? I never... I never got to graduate. And help my family." He laughed nervously. "I was... Such a fool. Falling for that letter, telling me to head to the school... And I died for it. I thought I'd get to help my family, maybe make some friends, and I-" He stopped. "Sorry. Why am I even doing all this dramatic lore-dumping? This is a Mafia RP. Seriously, I better go complain to Dorky about this." [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Wed, 05/04/2023 21:30 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVWhat was he doing?... Akari told me to stay away from him. But, I-- ... God, what did I go and do? Akari, I'm so sorry. He had to pull away... He needed to, but he- He didn't want to. He ached to feel Kubo's kiss on his lips and his arms around him... Spinning, spinning endlessly. This wasn't right, this couldn't be right. I... Don't deserve to be happy, do I? Darcy Harper's POVWhy? ....she's...dead- We can't change that. Talking about her won't change that, won't make any of us feel better. Is this why you came here, Darcy? To talk about....M-Mei?" Darcy winced. "I- I know, but..." His voice cracked, threatening to shatter into pieces. But he forced himself not to cry. "I-" What did I even want to say? What did I even want you to say?... "It just... Doesn't feel right, Idris. The way things... Wound up between us. Between me and you, and... Mei... And all that." He sounded very quiet, very fragile, when he spoke. "I... Liked her. Kind of. Idris. I- I don't know if it was... Really her... Or..." He paused. "She... Reminded me of someone. Who I was in love with once. But I..." His eyes glistened with the threatening beginnings of tears. "But I... I think it seemed pretty clear you liked her, too. And... She... She scared me, so I-- kept my distance- and--" ... "That... Conversation we had. Not too long ago. You- didn't hear it, but I don't feel right. About all the things I said to her. Oh, Idris, I... She should hate me. You should hate me." His voice cracked further and further. "She made me feel... Like a horrible person, and I took it o-out on her and it really wasn't her fault and I-" ... "If it wasn't for my own biases, maybe we could have been friends. She... She had good in her, too, didn't she?..." "...are you okay, Darcy?" He froze. "I-I'm fine! It's just... I felt like... You should know. I felt like..." "Is this all about Mei, or is it something else? Darcy?" Darcy grimaced. "I'm the worst. I- I'm so selfish. It's so stupid. I thought... Y-you'd be... The only one who could understand and I-" ... "I don't- know what I'm saying. I'm... I'm sorry." .... "She's gone... And I regret everything..." "...I wonder what she'd say now, seeing us in this state..." Darcy smiled sadly. "Probably... Laugh and try to make some kind of joke about it, make fun of us for it maybe. Heh... You know, they really are so different, but... I couldn't help but feel like..." ... "There's... Something familiar about her. Something... Almost like Sawyer." He glanced away, fumbling with his hands. "Sawyer thinks none of this is real... And Mei treated this like it was all a game. But... Maybe... When it came to Setsuna, she finally let go of that..." ... "I don't know what to make of it, really. Of her... But when I think about it, maybe she wasn't so bad. Maybe... I was." ... "But... Are you okay? How are you holding up? I've just been talking about me this entire time and I..." ... "I never even bothered to give Mei a chance. Or to get to know you... Have I ever thought of anyone... But myself?" ... "And I'm dumping all this on you, even now. I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." Idris lost his Sawyer. Idris lost his sunshine. Light in his life Gone gone gone. But that's right, isn't it, Darcy? Because if you don't remember yourself, no one will. Everyone will forget you. ... Sawyer Laurens's POVFi- ne? Fine. Sawyer was frustrated. No sharp objects. They were fascinating though? Ooh, books and magazines. Paper cuts were ouch. Why were they here again? Why was anyone here? [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Wed, 05/04/2023 04:32 (1 Year ago) |
Darcy Harper's POVHis hands and wrists were shaking Shaking Shaking Sha... The world felt blurry again. Blacks and whites and grays. No color, no color. A grayscale landscape. The 1930s movie was glitching The sad music was playing Violin I think Why could Erica play the violin so well Dear God God help me I think I'm dying "Please... Don't leave me alone." I don't want to be alone again Everyone walked off to their happy ends ... At the end of the rainbow there's happiness, And to find it how often I've tried... "Please... Idris, please.." But my life is a race, just a wild goose chase... And my dreams have all been denied... He clutched at his own shoulders. Smile, smile. Force a smile. It was more like a grimace. His nails, oh, his nails, clutching ever so tightly to himself... It felt like knives pressed against his face. Hands against his neck Choking Choking I'm fine. The song kept playing. "Can... We... Talk through this? About her?... A-About Mei?" I'm fine. I'm... Always chasing rainbows... Watching clouds drifting by... Mei, Mei was immortal. Mei was eternal. She may have been... An... Interesting person, but she would not be forgotten. Darcy reached out a hand to such a person who-- Such a person who Gone. She's gone. And it's your damn fault, Darcy. So selfish. My schemes are just like all my dreams, ending in the sky... He tried. He tried so hard. To be perfect. He never could be. Someone else was always better. I'll never be a good person... Some fellows look and find the sunshine, I always look and find the rain... She didn't have a happy ending either, Darcy. It's funny how the people who give the world so much end up dead anyway in the end. Dead, dead, dead. And people will forget her too. They'll forget you too. Some fellows make a winning sometime, I never even make a gain, believe me... Erica. Erica. Erica. Why am I never any good? Why can't I be as good as you? And it doesn't mean anything. That you knocked yourself down and I'm always chasing raaaaainbows... Darcy took a deep breath... "Waiting to find a little bluebird, iiiiin vaiiin..." he whispered inaudibly. Lucian Arbred's POV"Of course not... You'd never be just my dog..." Ah god please please tell me he wasn't paying attention please forget about it ignore it don't Wait why was WHY WAS KUBO PULLING HIM CLOSER AND PUTTING HIS HANDS UPON HIS F- --face. Lucian completely blanked out of reality. He was in a white room. A completely white room, with only one door. No windows. He swallowed sharply. Why was he in here? What was... Oh god. I didn't, no, I didn't. I must have-- When he came back, his eyes widened and his face turned a redder shade than ever before. OH GOD WHAT WHAT IS HE- Lucian freaked out. He- he wanted to- no, needed to pull away but- IT'S THE CONCUSSION! CLEARLY THE CONCUSSION. Maybe Kubo had gone crazy. Maybe he had gone crazy?! Because this couldn't be reality, he couldn't have-- Kubo couldn't be-- Kissing him on the ... Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god So this was This was what it felt like?! No he hadn't He hadn't WANTED this, of course he hadn't- No that didn't matter Does he... Love me too? Impossible. He was... Really out of it, right? This was an accident- Because he couldn't dare believe that... He felt his knees go weak. His limbs go limp. He wasn't even sure what to do because oh god what was he supposed to do?! Was he doing this wrong? It was an accident he shouldn't feed into said accident- ... Oh my gosh his lips feel so... Strangely cold? Like... Snow. His heart fluttered. He couldn't even be bothered to ask questions, he- He- Please, do that again. And again. ... I-- adore this... And I adore you... ... What a strange thought... Please don't ever let go of me... His heart p o u n d e d. This was... Too good to be true, wasn't it? It had to be a dream... It was the first gesture Kubo had showed that felt like it could be loving... Gentle... Romantic... Soft... And he was shivering at the thought of it. That's a lie, right? I couldn't be right... ... There's always just been something about you... Something I can't figure out. I want this to mean that you love me and... You want what I do but I-- ... I can't want that, can I? For you to love me too. For you to need me just like I need you... Lucian practically melted into the kiss, his head spinning. Goodness... What'll I even say to him after this? ... He's drunk. He's on drugs. He has a concussion. He's suffering from major blood loss. Right?? Right?Maybe... Kisses on the lips aren't considered a romantic thing where he's from? Lucian twitched, his body heating up further. Or.... Am I dreaming? Have I gone insane? How will I talk to him after this? Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Oh, Kubo... I love you. Maybe.... He did this to make the forehead kiss less awkward?? Or more awkward? He couldn't possibly hold any romantic regard for him, could he? Sawyer Laurens's POVChoked his little self. And then there were nine. ... Choked... Right. Where had they seen- ...huh? Sawyer's eyes were very wide. "The noise is loud... So loud." [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Wed, 05/04/2023 03:31 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVWhat? What? WHAT?! Lucian's brain short-circuited. ...his... Dog? At first, he couldn't even form the words. Kubo seemingly... Pawing at him with his hands. "Only a dog for you..." Lucian's eyes widened. No! What did Kubo mean by that? "K-Kubo! Of course you're not only my..." His face reddened at the implications. "...dog. You're my..." He struggled to find the words. What... Even were they? The two of them? Messes. Absolute mental messes that attempted conversation. He swallowed, pausing. Pondering over it for a moment. "You're my friend, Kubo. And... My client." Not my lover, though. Never my lover. His heart stirred in his chest. The rise and fall of each breath seemed to change. And Lucian had only one thought on his mind. He wanted to reassure Kubo, that... That he mattered to him. "You'll never be just my dog. You're Kubo... And I lo- like you a lot. You mean a lot to me." He smoothed Kubo's hair away from his forehead, and kissed him gently there. ...wait. F**K. HE'D BEEN UNABLE TO CONTROL THAT UR- Lucian's eyes widened. "I-- I hope you didn't mind! I- I just... I-" Oh my god. I am... Clearly going insane. He inhaled sharply, his face steaming. "I just- you know, y-you're.... My friend and my client and I-" Oh god. Oh god. Oh my god. It all blurred together. The words the words the words The breathing His lips unable to control meeting Kubo's skin F**k F**k GOD GODDAMMIT GOD F**KING DAMMIT PLATONIC. IT WAS A PLATONIC GESTURE. SAY THAT, YOU IDIOT! SAY IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? "S-Sorry... That was... A si-silly thing to do..." Lucian felt queasy. He wanted to run out of the room, but he couldn't just LEAVE Kubo there! Just- Ugh- AUGH. Sawyer Laurens's POVSawyer hummed to themself, clicking their tongue every so often. Tapping on the floor. Blinking. Knocking their knees together.. It was funny. So funny. The things that came to you. Others didn't. I remember her eyes... She shouted something... She? Who? "One choked his little self, and then there were niiiine!~" ... Nine little soldier boys. Click click. Click click click. The kitchen, always the kitchen. "Nine little soldier boys sat up very late..." ... Why did they sit up late? Maybe they couldn't sleep? Just like... "One overslept himself and then there were eight." ... "Sleeping pills, Monty?" ... "I thought they..." ... "Eight little soldier boys, traveling in Devon..." Traveling. Who was... ... Oh. How disappointing. Sawyer frowned. "One said he'd stay there, and then there were seven!" Vacation. Vacations were nice! So smiley. Wait, what was... ... "Seven little soldier boys, chopping up sticks..." ... The fire. Why was there fire? "One chopped himself in half, and then there were six!" Right... Just like... Like what? Why was... ... No that wasn't I think I know I mean No it's all wrong I think I .... "Six little soldier boys playing with a hive..." Hives, in the woods... Woods, funny. "A bumblebee stung one, and then there were five." ...oh. Bees. Buzzbuzzbuzz. Buzzbuzz. Sort of buzz a crazed fanboy makes. ... A fanboy? "Five little soldier boys going in for law..." ... Law? Oh, right. School. Boring. ... The trial... For... "One got in chancery, and then there four." Pfffft. Four didn't even rhyme with law anymore. "Four little soldier boys going out to sea..." ... Sea... Like... "A red herring swallowed one and then there were three." Red herrings. ...what did those mean again? "Three little soldier boys walking in the zoo..." ... "A big bear hugged one and then there were two." ... "Two little soldier boys, sitting in the sun." ... "One got all frizzled up and then there was one." Was that what happened? When... "One little soldier boy left all alone..." Sawyer paused. How did the last line go? No, he didn't get married. There weren't happy endings like that. Kaoru smiled at them and disappeared. Sawyer froze. "...Kaoru went and hanged herself." ... "...and then there were none." [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Mon, 03/04/2023 01:14 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVLucian slowly, carefully approached Kubo and felt at his head to see if there was any injury. His face reddened, but, NO- he- he had to try not to think- Wow, his hair is... Awfully greasy. Lucian almost got distracted for a moment. "I- um- I don't- think you hit your head... But... Maybe we should bring you to Akora? Just to be safe?" Oh, Heaven help me. He tried not to think about it. About feeling through Kubo's hair to check if he hit his head anywhere. It... It wasn't a big deal, right? I mean, he touches me all the-- ...what had been the deal with that? Kubo, throwing his arms around him. Kubo, returning his embrace. Kubo, hooking Lucian by the arm. Their hands almost touching... But not quite... It was... It was all coincidence. Kubo must have not even realized he was doing it. AND HE COULDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT HE NEEDED TO FOCUS- "She may be a vet, but... Even she knows more than I do..." [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Mon, 03/04/2023 00:58 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POV"I-I WOULD NEVER, KUBO! I LO-" He froze up for a moment. "I... Care a lot about you. And I'm not mad. Really. I forgive you." There was a certain hurt in his eyes as he looked at him. Lucian felt as though someone had just snapped his heart in half. He gave Kubo a warm smile. "I'll... Always forgive you. No matter what. Kubo, I... I'm here to help, if- you need me to go... I will." He hadn't even realized how much he was shaking, or the tears that dripped down his face. "I just want to help..." He looks so scared... Kubo, I'm so sorry. This is my fault. He let out a choking sob. "K-KUBO, I-- I'm so sorry I pushed you! I didn't mean to, I..." ... "...you should have pushed me off that ledge. Or I should have jumped. I deserved it." I don't deserve you. If I made you hate me, if I made you want to kill me, if... If you're terrifed that I'm going to take your life... "I-- I'd never kill you, Kubo," he choked out hoarsely. "...never ever." I love you, even if you utterly despise me. He breathed deeply. And as your therapist, and your [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Sat, 01/04/2023 22:21 (1 Year ago) |
Darcy Harper's POVDarcy's voice caught in his throat. For a moment, he wasn't sure what to say. "Thank God. You're okay. I found you unconscious in here." He heaved a sigh of relief. "I tried knocking, but you didn't answer, and the door was unlocked, so I..." Awkwardly, Darcy paused to turn off the shower. "Are you alright?... I... Really wanted to talk to you, and I figured you weren't doing too well, it's just... I..." A sad look came upon his face. "I'm sorry, it's... Kind of selfish... I thought... You'd be the only one who'd understand." He swallowed. "How I'm... Never mind..." He inhaled sharply. "I understand if... You want to be left alone. I know you're struggling, too. After... what happened." [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Fri, 31/03/2023 23:49 (1 Year ago) |
Dorky's POVHe pulled out a TV remote and hit the play button. Darcy Harper's POV"Just why?" he whispered to himself. "I don't understand..." Why did Will have to walk out on me again? And this time, he wasn't with Erica. He was a gh- No. Will was not Mei, but... "...you never listen, do you?" ... "It's just not like you. Not to Setsuna, not to me..." He let out a faint hiccuping sob. "Well, why would anyone listen to me anyway?" ... "It's like I don't even exist. I'm surprised Akora even noticed when I smashed that mirror. Maybe God should have shattered me like I did that glass..." He chuckled quietly to himself. "I regret everything... I regret everything so much." It wasn't like Mei had owed him anything. They'd barely known one another, and yet... ... I just moved aside and let ... "It's my fault, really, isn't it? I judged you too quickly, didn't I?" ... "Mei..." There was only one person who could understand how he was feeling right now. Only one person, and he wouldn't dare talk to him. And he couldn't imagine how awkward that'd be. Oh, hey, Idris, you know your dead girlfriend? Who I did-didn't-did-didn't kinda did kinda didn't have a crush on? Well, she's dead, and I have no idea how to f**king deal with it, and you probably feel the same way but worse. Please help. And Setsuna, god... ... How could Darcy be so selfish right now? When so many other people were suffering? "And do I really have the right to grieve for you? Do I even... Have the right to consider you to... Be a possibly bad person?" ... "You were right about me, Mei. You were so right. I belong in Hell." ... "I'm not a good person. I never will be. And I'm just going to die here and be forgotten and nobody will even heave a single sigh, or wish for me..." ... The thought was just unbearable. "I- I just... Wanted him to love me. Was that so bad? And I... I got jealous, because... Everyone always had what I didn't." A smiling Lucian flickered in Darcy's vision. He let out a shuddering sob. "Look at me, telling myself this rather than seeing our own goddamn therapist..." ... I empathized with him, he realized. When Kubo was treating him like that... ... I know what it's like to be rejected. Laughed at. Hated and mistreated by those I love. ... And I want you to be happy, but I-- Shi and Miyako. Smiling together. "F**king good for you," he choked out. They... They hadn't done anything wrong, but... But... He gritted his teeth. He hated it. Was... Was it so selfish that... That he wanted that kind of happy ending with someone too? But Darcy wasn't even sure he could... Even think about Sawyer. Sawyer and their empty, empty confused eyes and... And... How they looked at him without even knowing who he was anymore. Mom, always looking so angry and disappointed... Darcy, in tears, always swearing to himself he'd try harder. He'd make her proud. She'd love him one day. But it was always Erica. ... Erica, who hadn't really done anything wrong. And yet... Darcy couldn't help but to feel so, so bitter. Because she had everything. Because she was loved by everyone. Because she, undoubtedly, would be remembered. And Darcy would just die here. Alone. Unloved. Forgotten. As though he'd never even existed. But Idris... Had lost Mei. To death. It reminded Darcy of how his dad had left... ...well... At least Idris had known Mei loved him. Sometimes, Darcy blamed himself for his father leaving. And... ... Maybe that was... ... Maybe that was... "You. Sometimes I can't even bear to look at you." "M-Mom?! What are you-" "You look just like him, Darcy. You have his face. You have his hair. You have his eyes." Her eyes narrowed into slits. "I bet you'll wind up just like that." ... "Wh-wh... I-" Darcy couldn't even formulate a response to that. He wanted to scream indignantly that, no, he'd never do that. He'd never be like that! He'd never leave... Someone behind. Without saying another word to them. Leave them without answers. Wondering what they did wrong. Wondering if he had hated them. Wondering if he had intended to hurt them. But as drunk as Mom was... He couldn't help but wonder... If she was right. I hate that damn mirror. ... I hate what I see in it. ... I don't want to wind up like him. Is that why I was never good enough for you, Mom? ... Erica was her perfect daughter. Her spitting image. Kind, charismatic, so strong-willed and hardworking, so, so, so smart. She was lovable. She was perfect. She would never be forgotten. Darcy was unlovable. He was imperfect. ... He would be forgotten. By some strange coincidence, he found himself at the door Idris was behind. He knocked on it, trying to keep in his tears. Trying his best to calm down. "I-Idris?" ... "It's... Me. Darcy. Can we talk?" ... You're the only one who can understand... ... I can't tell anyone else. "I-Idris?..." He still didn't answer. Something might be wrong. Maybe he's not here... ... Hesitantly, Darcy fiddled with the door. It... was unlocked. He didn't want to intrude on his privacy. But what if something was really wrong? He opened the door, and headed in. "Hey, Idris, sorry to walk in unannounced like this, I wanted to... ask first but you didn't answer and--" His eyes widened. Idris. Collapsed on the floor. "Idris?! Idris!" He tried gently shaking him awake. He had to stay calm. "Idris, can you hear me? Idris!" [Read more] |
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Dorky OFFLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 30/03/2023 18:31 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVLucian's heart pounded out of his chest. Ba-bump... Ba-bump... He could almost feel reality slipping away as the color flooded into his cheeks. The first thought he had had... Was relief. Kubo wasn't falling unconscious. He... He just seemed a little out of it. What do I even say to that?... ... He thinks I'm an angel... "I-- In a way, yes..." He seemed like he'd completely forgotten who he was. What.. what was happening to Kubo? Let him believe Lucian was an angel if that was what he needed to hear right now. ... There was... No harm in that, right? How conceited, Luke. He liked it, he admitted. He liked hearing Kubo call him an angel. Sincerely believe he was an angel... "...I'm here to help you." Lucian swallowed. There was... No way he could tell him he loved him. Was there? "...do you... Remember me? It's... Me, Lucian." ... Was there any point in dreaming? ... No, he had to help Kubo. And everyone else. But... I told Mei... ... [Read more] |