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I'm Feeling Lucky
Searching for: Posts from Dorky.|
Dorky ONLINE   Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 20/04/2023 20:59 (1 Year ago) |
Sawyer Laurens's POVPeeled... Like apples. Mom liked peeling apples. Peeling apples was fun. They were holding the sharp object still as they walked. That was for peeling, right?... Sawyer blinked and stared at it. "Sooo... Like this?" they asked, slowly bringing the knife closer to their eyes, wondering why they were blinking so uncontrollably as they did so. [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 20/04/2023 20:45 (1 Year ago) |
Sawyer Laurens's POV"YAYYYY! HUGGERS! That's what these are called, right? Huggerrrrs?" They had the stupidest smile on their face. They didn't seem to detect anything about the gravity of the situation... Although... Idris... Killed his father, huh? ...huh. "Take care, though, Miyakooo! We'll be seeing you!" They beamed. "Maybe we can- hang out and stuff?" [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 20/04/2023 19:36 (1 Year ago) |
Sawyer Laurens's POVThey looked perplexed. "Um... Okay." Sawyer didn't seem to sense any danger. They didn't get why they were apparently going to be locked up... "...again?" ... "...did I... Do something wrong?" [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 20/04/2023 19:13 (1 Year ago) |
Sawyer Laurens’s POV… “Of course I’m okay. I’m always okay!” … “...Everything is always okay.” … “It’s never not… okay.” Oh, it’s you, again. That little whisper in my brain That tells me, you did something wrong But I don’t know what, I don’t quite recall It’s all so fuzzy, I can’t recall … It was only a dream, it wasn’t my fault Or did I do a thing? Am I remembering wrong? For all I know, aliens invaded my mind Nothing makes sense half the time … Laugh and laugh and dream and smile Push away those thoughts for a while They don’t make sense anyway! How could they be?... … A wheel?... Why am I holding a wheel? Curious. …what’s a wheel? Sawyer stared in confusion at Saeko. "...killed? Father?" ... Sawyer couldn't quite make sense of the words. "Kill... All of us." Too much noise. Ring ring. "What?" They blinked repeatedly. "...what does this mean?" [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 20/04/2023 18:55 (1 Year ago) |
Sawyer Laurens's POVI mean... Yeah. Of course. Everything was always fine. Things were never not fine, y'know? A strange liquid seemed to be seeping from Sawyer's eyes. They weren't quite sure why, and, to be honest, they were quite perplexed. What was going on? "Yeah... Yeah, s-sure! Seeya. Miyako. That's... Cool." Miyako? Was that her name? ... Everything was just so confusing. Why was there so much... Sauce? So, so much of it. Almost like that spillage of it. Never heard of pasta sauce spilling incidents before. Especially not from people. But that was totally a thing that happened. I think... They watched Miyako leave. ... Mom... Dad... Where were you? Why didn’t you come and see me? … Was I bad? Did I do something bad? … Who… were they again? It seemed like they were important. In some way, or other. … Sawyer tilted their head. There was... A person. Another person. Did they know about the strange liquids? Those seemed to be seeping from their eyes as well... "Hiiii! Who are you? Wh-whatcha... Doing here?" Lucian Arbred’s POV”No!” he cried out, jumping towards Idris and grabbing hold of the weapon. ”...please… Idris. You don’t have to die. You don’t have to kill anyone either. It won’t solve anything.” He looked at him with a certain pleading in his eyes, a begging for him to see another way. ”...I know you’re hurting, really badly, but please…” … ”This isn’t what should be done. I know that… you don’t realize it right now. But…” Lucian was visibly trembling, every inch of him. He looked down, still gripping tightly to the weapon Idris was holding. ”...or maybe you do. But no one else has to die, okay? We can… all figure things out. O-Okay? We can all be friends… maybe- you and Saeko don’t- have to be friends. I- don’t know the history between you two. But… if they hurt you, killing them won’t solve anything.” … ”...they… have a life too. They’re a person too. We’re all people. We all have our own lives, our own friends, our own families…” … ”...our own dreams. And… I- know everything’s in pieces right now. I know I can’t possibly understand your pain right now. But if you die… all we’ll have is another person to grieve for. Idris… I don’t want that to happen again either. Just like you don’t. And… if Saeko did something so bad to you… isn’t the worst punishment of all to let them live with what they did? To make them understand what they did, and live with it?” There was a strangely off sound to Lucian’s voice, in his last two sentences. He almost felt like he had been possessed by someone else, something else. ”...if you killed them, that’d just be a waste, wouldn’t it? You’d be putting them out of their misery.” Lucian blinked. ”...I… wait… what- happened, what did I just-” … ”...but… as I was saying, Idris. Killing them isn’t the way, okay?... and killing yourself isn’t either. Bloodshed will just breed more bloodshed.” He hesitated. ”...or… do you just… not care anymore? I… don’t think Mei would have wanted this, Idris. I’m sorry… I know I can’t be considered a friend. I’ve wronged you too. But I just… want to help. And there are other ways to get through this, other than… death. So… please… can we figure something out?” [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Wed, 19/04/2023 21:16 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVGod, why did I go and kiss him on the cheek?! I shouldn't have done that... Even if he was asleep, and probably wouldn't notice. But even if he didn't notice that doesn't make it right oh my god What the hell had he been thinking? There was no way Kubo had liked that. They'd only kissed by accident before. It was an impulse, and then Kubo having a concussion so he- so he wasn't able to think completely consciously, and kissed Lucian on the lips for-- whatever reason... They weren't dating. They never would be dating. Was Lucian just desperately hoping for... Something? Anything? Why was he such a coward? Why couldn't he tell him, in words... Or on paper? How had Shi and Miyako done it? How had... Mei and Idris done it? If they had, of course. He wasn't entirely sure of the nature of their relationship. Lucian was NEVER this bad at socializing. This Killing Game- these feelings... Messed everything up. Or maybe he was just losing it. He didn't know. But Idris, more than anything, more than anyone, maybe, was losing it right now. "...you don't have to... Kill anyone, okay? Can't we just..." He paused. ... He didn't finish his sentence, still eyeing the empty bottle in Idris's hand. Can't we just WHAT, Lucian? ... Just get a drink and grieve together? In peace? "...I'm sorry," he whispered. If I was dead, she'd be alive. This is my fault. No Futatabi dead, no Setsuna in the state he is now, no Mei dead, no... Idris being left like this. ... I'm a horrible person and a horrible excuse for a therapist. Why couldn't I just- ... Regardless of how worthless you probably are, Lucian, you're not going to get anywhere moping about it. Just help, dammit. Stop being so freaking weak and pathetic. Help. HELP. HELP, DAMMIT! "We can just... Talk about this, okay?" Sawyer Laurens's POVNo, it was okay. She could just go. ... That was fine. That was okay. What? What was okay? I wanna get out of this stupid place. I wanna see everybody again. Why did they put me in here? I didn't do anything wrong. Did I? Is something wrong with me? I don't remember what happened. Did something happen? Did I... Do something? I wanna go home. "Oh! You're leaving?" They tilted their head. "Okay then. Seeya!" ... ...honestly, that felt... Somewhat familiar. [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Mon, 17/04/2023 03:11 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POV"...alcohol... Isn't fun," he murmured. "it can cause so many problems, ruin so many lives, if not used in moderation. It can damage your relationships, it can damage your health, your life, even end your life or those around you." Lucian felt like he'd said too much, and a nauseousness took over him. He quickly changed the subject. "Idris, please. You just need to lie down for a bit, okay? Get it out of your system. There are better ways to cope with your pain than... Drinking, and trying to kill people." ... "I know you probably feel like you have no choice. That's... How a lot of criminals often feel." He paused. "Th-that's- not to say that I'm calling you one. Of course not. I just meant... As an example. A lot of people, in general, actually. I don't know why I said that." You know EXACTLY why you said that. "please... Get some rest, okay?" He sighed and shook his head. First Kubo, and now Idris. How many more people might have to be watched? The deaths, the circumstances of everyone's past lives... Were all really taking a toll on them. Lucian couldn't help but look gratefully over at Akari. The poor guy didn't deserve to always be caught up in stuff like this. That was Lucian's job. If only I had a... No, he... He wouldn't want to have that. Not a gun. Never a gun. He didn't want to be a threat to anyone. But both Idris and Kubo seemed to be rather unstable at the moment. Unpredictable. Especially Idris, freaking about to kill someone and drunk as a dog, good gosh! And Lucian was such a small person, really. One of the smallest people here. If he had to restrain someone, he would have to rely on a few physical techniques he wound up learning, and that might not always work. ... Who knew who else might need help?... Maybe everyone did. Lucian swallowed harshly. Because if the Ultimate Therapist couldn't help everyone, then who could?... Would they all just die here? Was he hoping for nothing? Lucian couldn't bear the thought. Sawyer Laurens's POVThe faucet made such a funny sound. Fsssh. Sawyer was washing away the pasta sauce. But for all the pasta sauce they cleaned up, more seemed to dispense from their hands. Their hands... Pasta sauce... Their hands... There was screaming that Sawyer didn't quite recognize, and the sound of a vehicle screeching to a stop. Wee-oo. Wee-oo. Wee-oo. ... And then.... Then there was... [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Sun, 16/04/2023 17:48 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVWhat... Was Idris saying? He stared at the empty bottle. Alcohol... No, not alcohol. Nonono. Not again. Nobody should have access to that. It was horrible stuff. "I...Idris... I don't know what you're going through... But you shouldn't kill Saeko. It- won't solve anything. It'll end another life, it'll end your own, it'll-" It'll end your own. "...Idris. this is about Mei, isn't it? You just wanted to get yourself killed so you could be with her. While taking out someone who... Who hurt you in some way or other while you were at it." Lucian became very still. "look... Idris. You really don't have to do this. I know it's hard to believe right now, but... Please. This isn't the answer." He looked at him pleadingly. "please." Achilles, Achilles, just put down the bottle, Don't listen to what you've consumed... It's chaos, confusion and wholly unworthy Of feeding and it's wholly untrue You may feel no purpose nor a point for existing It's all just conjecture and gloom And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it Do not waste yourself on this roof Hear those bells ring deep in the soul Chiming away for a moment Feel your breath course frankly below And see life as a worthy opponent Today, of all days, see How the most dangerous thing is to love How you will heal and you'll rise above Crowned by an overture bold and beyond Ah, it's more courageous to overcome... He reached out a hand to Idris. If only he would take it... ... Then again. Who was Lucian to talk? He hadn't lost his... His Mei. Idris had. The love of his life was gone, and nothing Lucian could say or do could change that. [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Sun, 16/04/2023 17:36 (1 Year ago) |
Sawyer Laurens's POVRing. Ring ring. Ring ring ring. They wouldn't stop ringing. What was that noise?... Lucian Arbred's POVLucian's eyes widened. His heart seemed to stop for a moment. "no... I--" He shook his head. "...that's... Different, Akari. That's... Different." ... Hypocrite. An absolute goddamned hypocrite. That was what Lucian was. But....it... It was okay, wasn't it? It was okay. Because... How he felt wasn't... Supposed to... Oh god. He... He seemed so angry. Lucian felt like he might vomit. "...I--... Just..." ... "Lucian, worry about yourself first, alright? I don't need your sympathy, I don't need any help, I don't need any of that, so just... Don't worry about me, got that? ...Just-... Forget about it, please...?" "...o... Okay..." ... Like that would be possible. Worry about himself first. Don't help someone who probably desperately needs it Don't worry about him. Forget about it. "...sure..." This hurt in a different kind of way. Here was someone telling him that he mattered, that he should take care of himself too but It didn't feel good at all it didn't feel good at all I just wanted to help. ... I'm sorry. "I-..." You... What, Akari? Oh... He was leaving. ... He watched Akari walk out that door, feeling more and more helpless by the moment. It was only when he was gone that his eyes gave way to tears and he let out a hiccuping sob. .... wait... what was that noise? Someone was screaming. For... help? His eyes widened. Oh god. Someone might be getting killed. Oh god. Not again. Please not again. Lucian winced. He didn't want to leave Kubo behind, alone, like this. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? I promise... Kubo, you'll be okay. I'll do everything I can to help you. I-" He felt at his forehead. He felt horrible leaving Kubo here... "I just gotta take care of this. Then I'll be back. Before you know it." Lucian kissed the unconscious Kubo on the cheek, and then ran from the room, not even daring to ask himself what the f**k he just did. Okay, okay, he was asleep. Nonono that was still wrong But ... Oh god He didn't know anymore Akari was in here. Oh, Akari was in here. Idris... Was swooping in to kill Saeko?! Lucian's eyes widened and he ran over. "NO! IDRIS, NO!" He puffed and panted. "please..." he begged, more gently and softly now. "...Akari is right. You don't have to do this. Can- can we talk about this?" I'm not letting someone else die, dammit. Not again not again not again not again. [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Sun, 16/04/2023 08:34 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVAnd... Something... A little too familiar. "...I-..." "...D-don't... Worry about it..." Lucian winced. He didn't like the pleading in his voice. He glanced over at him with an earnest look in his eyes. "...it's alright. I won't judge, I promise. I just want to help..." ... He paled. "But, if..." Lucian fumbled with the end of his scarf. "...if you'd really rather not talk about it... It's okay." Akari almost sounded angry. On the verge of breaking down. Lucian just wanted to sit him down and hug him and get him some tea. "...you seem like the type of person to bottle your emotions. To keep them locked deep inside you, but..." Lucian breathed deeply. "but it's okay, Akari. You don't have to be strong all the time. I know it's... Really hard to divert from what you're used to. I know what that's like. But... If... You'd really rather not talk about it..." ... "...then... You can go if you need to. That's okay..." ... "I just... Want to help. Whatever works best for you, whatever helps you the most... I'm happy with." [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Sat, 15/04/2023 18:04 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POV… Oh. God. What the hell was wrong with him? Why can't I lie well like I used to? He was losing it. He was- "...Look, Lucian, whatever the hell's goin on with you matters just as much as everyone else here-" Lucian paused, and shook his head. "...no. Nononono. N-No. It doesn't. It's okay." Oh god his tone was mad. Was he mad? Yeah, he'd screwed up. Always screwed up. He was always a screw up. I'm going to die. If you can't lie, you're going to die. That was an unspoken truth about life. You'd be dead. Gone. Without a sound. If you couldn't lie. It'd get to you, it'd always get to you. Why couldn't he have had a normal life? No, shut it. That doesn't matter. You don't- "I... I'm not gonna try to push or anything like that, but... Just... Take care of yourself too, I guess." Lucian's hands clenched into fists. "...tha-thank you, but I…" … His voice faltered. "But I…" I don't know where to start. And I'm the disappointment, anyway. I'm not supposed to matter. "...that doesn't matter. And I don't know where to begin anyway." When you helped other people for so long, you faded into the background. When everyone shouted so loudly, and you learned to say nothing. You learned to shut your mouth and just to stand or sit tearlessly. You learned to hide. You learned to lie. You learned how to survive. But how had he even survived? Who knew that such a small and delicate body could endure so much? Maybe his mind had been made of titanium. Maybe that was why. But it seemed like even that seemed to be slipping apart into pieces now. Cracking. When you became so obsessed with other people, that you lost yourself… You forgot what you needed anymore. You often forgot you even existed anymore. You often thought you didn't even exist anymore, outside of that. Just a toy to take out of the box whenever someone wants to play. But did… Lucian want more than that? He wasn't allowed to want more than that. Not allowed to want anything for himself. He wasn't supposed to have needs or wants or desires. None of that. Funny how no matter what happened, he always forgave others. Funny how no matter what happened, he could never stop believing in the good of people. Funny how no matter what happened– He took it all out on himself. But… What did he want, anyway? Friends? An actual healthy family? Maybe even… "...love?" He hadn't realized he'd said that part out loud. He'd helped so many people to be happy. Did he deserve to be happy too? No, he couldn't think selfish things like that… … What was… Akari doing? "...I-..." "...Cya, Lucian... Not... much I can do now, so..." "...Akari… wait. I'm sorry for asking this, but… what's with…" … "...your neck?" There was a flurry of panic. There was so much noise. Lucian remembered how his vision blurred, he remembered how dizzy he felt. He remembered how his life flashed before his eyes. He felt so much pain. So much, so much rapid, stinging pain, and yet he was fading fast. Fading, fading away. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. The beeps of the machine gradually grew slower. "DOCTOR, WE'RE LOSING HIM!" "He's lost so much blood… it's lucky we came in time. But… I don't know if he'll make it." Don't know if I'll… make it? The lights were so bright. So impossibly bright. "Poor kid… I can't imagine who would do this to someone." They hadn't thought he'd make it to morning. And yet, somehow he did. A lot of healing had to take place. Honestly, that wasn't the only time in his life that someone had tried to kill him. But he'd never be able to forget any time that it happened. He had the scars on his neck, on his chest, on his arms and his hands. His elbows, his back… all to prove it. Honestly, Lucian would probably cover up his legs too. Miraculously, he hadn't gotten any scarring on those… Otherwise… he'd be covering those up for sure, too. He always cherished the scarf from his mother. He remembered that at the time, it had been way too big. He'd always wondered how she'd made that mistake. Kathy had gotten a similar scarf, too, except it had been red instead of blue. Almost funny… how fitting it was. In a horrible way. Because he had lived, and she had died. Lucian cherished that scarf dearly. Because he loved winter so much, and it always reminded him… Winter covered up all the sins of the earth. It covered up all the blood and the bones and the… It made everything look beautiful. Everything looked so… hopeful. It was the death and rebirth of life. … I wanted to run away with Kathy. But… when she died… that wasn't an option anymore. So one day… Lucian did run away from home. By himself. He knew if he ever returned, his dad would almost certainly kill him. Quite literally. So he didn't. It wasn't easy, but somehow, he figured it out. He didn't cut his hair during that time. Having short hair reminded him of home. He got a crescent moon hair clip for himself, for his love of the stars and of astrology. He got a white flower hair clip for himself, in honor of Kathy. She always loved flowers. He wore sweaters, to cover up his scars, and because they reminded him of the winter cold. And he rarely fully covered up his legs with his clothing, despite his insecurity. Because he wanted to remind himself of a time before. He wanted not to remember that anymore. He wanted to block it out. The things that some people… Did to both him, and to Kathryn… So in a way, it was also in honor of her. And it made him feel colder. The cold reminded him, once again, of the snow. Of all its pristine frozen beauty, of its relentlessness. It was sweet, it was calm, it was quiet. And it put to rest everything you wanted to forget. Things were so hard, that sometimes, Lucian did want to head back home. But he knew his father would kill him. So he could never go back. And besides… knowing his family, they probably already moved again, and he may never find them. Life would go on without him. And that was the way it was supposed to be. Anything was better than going back. Or… For all he knew, they might all be dead. …or… …that also sounded quite probable, didn't it? ... And that scarf, that reminded him of both his mother and his sister... Would also cover up some of the times that he had attempts on his life, and save him from them as well. Having someone trying to slit your throat... Trying to hang you... Was never, ever pleasant. But the reality of life was that you could die at any moment. And this Killing Game... Was a reminder... That no matter how hard you tried to run away from the past... It always came back to haunt you. You could never ever escape. [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Sat, 15/04/2023 01:57 (1 Year ago) |
Sawyer Laurens's POVSawyer blinked. "Yeah! Of course. That's what it is, isn't it?" ...what else could it be, really? Because if it... She was raising her hands. Was this part of some fun game? They tilted their head. "I'm your friend, Sawyer." Sawyer beamed excitedly. "Friends?! We were friends?!" They turned the faucet on and began washing the pasta sauce off, slightly jumping up and down. Funny how their hands stung. Weird. "Or you wanna be friends? YAYYYY I accept your proposal, friend. We are now friends!" "You told me your name, remember?" ". . ." Sawyer stared in confusion. "I... Did? When? I don't remember that... What was your name again?" ... "You... Look familiar. I think. Are you a Ghostbusters actor or something?" Ghostbusters? Actor? Words. The words just wouldn't come together. The memories wouldn't fit. What happened, what didn't, what was real and what was not. It was all a blur. Lucian Arbred's POVLucian shivered. God... Why was he so pretty? He wished he could just think about him normally. It was... It was just Kubo, dammit. What even was it... About this boy? Hopefully the pills would help. Would he be okay? "...I hope you wake up, soon, Kubo," he whispered half to himself. "...get some rest, okay?" It took all the willpower in the world not to kiss him. Especially since he was asleep, he could have done it so easily. But the idea was unthinkable, wasn't it? I MEAN! Earlier, when I kissed him... That was an accident. And he hadn't intended to kiss me too. He has a concussion. So it was also an accident. Augh. Lucian hated this. He wasn't supposed to have urges... He was supposed to resist them... [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Fri, 14/04/2023 08:40 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVLucian frowned. "...if... You say so, Akari." He doesn't look fine. The question was... Would it be better to pry about it or not to pry? It seemed like Akari didn't want to talk about what might be wrong. Prying might just stress him out, but leaving it alone might make the problems potentially worsen... Oh, good lord. This was an awful case of T-Posing Because My Roleplayer Can't Post Syndrome. What if he didn't snap out of it? What if Serend suddenly stopped acting like a sentient rock (doing nothing) and actually posted? "...Are you?" Lucian's brain short-circuited. Someone had just asked him how he was doing. What the hell. That wasn't in the script. "...I've never been more okay. Snails are quite fascinating. I wonder why they even bother to-" "Just... Don't push it, alright?" "Akari... There's no matter of pushing anything. I'm... Fine." Why was he even asking? No one was supposed to ask if Lucian was fine. That wasn't supposed to-- Wait If what he wanted didn't matter if others wanted what he wanted to matter then ... Oh, good grief, that's a paradox. Lucian suddenly felt guilty for lying. But he wasn't supposed to burden Akari with his emotional issues, for god's sake! "...thank you for worrying about me. But... How I feel... Isn't important." Something about the words that came out of his throat... They sounded dry, they sounded off. There was nothing to be upset about. There was nothing to be hurt about. Focus on other people focus on other people "...you, and Kubo, and Miyako, and Setsuna, and Sawyer, and Darcy, and M-" He paled. "...and... Everyone else matter. It's alright, really. I'm okay." Narrator: He was NOT okay. Darcy Harper's POVDarcy knew he had to pull it together. But... It's just... Everything that had happened lately. It was hell. It was an absolute nightmare. He felt like he was being strangled. ... "It's okay it's okay it's okay," he whispered. "I'll just..." He went out to the kitchen. After all, why not just return to what he was used to? Dammit. He would have to fix his makeup. It was all runny. (Conveniently, not right now.) He was about to start baking chocolate when he froze. One of the knives was... Missing? And was that... Blood on the floor? What had happened in here? Darcy felt nauseous. What... What should he do about this? Okay, calm down. Surely it's... Not a murder, right? Should he go tell somebody? Should he?... A murder... Darcy froze. No, he couldn't think about that. Not Again. [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 13/04/2023 23:19 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVLucian wasn't so sure if he had heard Akari say you're welcome or not, but the ghost of a smile hinted at his face. He was a tad worried about Kubo, though. He seemed to be also going through a case of T-Posing Because My Roleplayer Can't Post Syndrome, a syndrome which typically prevented someone from speaking, moving, or even thinking. A state where they were temporarily dead. "I've... Got nothin' better to do anyways, so..." Lucian sighed. There... Never was anything better to do, was there? ... ... ... "Kubo... Please, open your mouth," he pleaded. "I need to help you..." ... I help people. I don't hurt them. That was all Lucian was living for. And when you lost all hope of doing the one thing that mattered to you... What was left? Do I just cling to you, Kubo? Because you're the essence of... Something else. Something other than what I've always known...? I... Or do I just want to help you, I really don't know... It was funny, really. There were different types of sufferers in the world. People like Akari, who just suffered in silence. Who basically just broke and became empty, to the point that almost nothing bothered them anymore. They fell into utter apathy, to the point that each breath, each step... Became a struggle. There was no joy and no sadness, no anger, no excitement, and no nothing. People like Sawyer, who turned to denial. Who picked themselves up no matter what life through at them. Lived in their own precious little wonderland inside their minds, where nothing could go wrong. But Lucian knew there was only so long you could lie to yourself. They were bound to break eventually, and the thought hurt him. He'd have to be there for his friend if they fell. ...friend... At least, Sawyer had considered him a friend. But with a warped mind like theirs, who knew if they still did? Sawyer probably considered EVERYONE a friend. He almost missed their endless enthusiasm, and swallowed and shook his head. And people like Mei, who were contorted mysteries, putting up millions of masks. Faces. Changing at the flick of a switch. Laughing, crying, smiling, gasping, teasing, living, killing- it all blurred together and you had no idea what was real anymore. But Lucian wasn't so sure... About her, really. She was a mixed character, but... He didn't think she was a complete monster. That wasn't who she was at all. And... Now he'd never know the full truth about her. And there were many, many other types of people too... He and Setsuna weren't so different. Except, Lucian had to ask himself. Would he have been able to pull that trigger? To unsheathe that knife? Could he have taken the shot, the plunge? Could he have disowned it all, thrown it all away- for a chance to save them all? ... He would give his own life. Lucian knew that. But if it came to his life or someone else's... He'd pick someone else. ...friends. Were he and Akari friends? Certainly not. They... Got along okay, but they were more so pushed together by circumstance. And Lucian got the feeling that Akari felt... Uncomfortable and bothered around him. Well... What was Lucian even thinking? The idea of having... Friends was... Ridiculous. The closest thing he'd had to a friend before all this was Kathy. And look what happened to her... People were just... Clients. They were all clients. They just had to be helped. You'd help them, you'd guide their way off to their happily ever afters with friends and families, smiling, smiling, smiling-- And then you'd watch them walk away, with you left behi- ... Kubo, holding his hand and kissing him on the cheek. No. Nononono. No. There was no hope of that. There was no hope of... Love. No hope of a future together. Lucian wasn't supposed to have a future anyway it was supposed to be everyone else's In an ideal world then maybe Kubo and Kaoru would be together and happy and everyone else too everyone would have their own friends and lovers and families and their own lives, Mei and Idris smiling at one another and Shi and Miyako and-- and-- And he would be the only one who was dead because he didn't matter he wasn't supposed to matter everyone would proceed as though he had never existed, because that was the way it was supposed to be, Lucian was not a person he was not a person Lucian Arbred was not a person he was a dead man he was not even a dead man Miyako said he wasn't dead and she had to be right right was she right no she couldn't be-- Because... Then Lucian would be his own person and... And then... He'd have his own life and... He wasn't supposed to... What did you do when you had your own life? He had to keep it together. He wanted to break down crying, but he didn't let himself. He just smiled at Kubo and tried not to look as shaken as he felt. Keep it together, Lucian. Therapists are supposed to help people. You don't need help. You're not a person. "...well, I-- Akari. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I might be able to take it from here..." He paused. "...or, maybe I could... Figure out something that you could do later? With someone else or on your own?" Structure was supposed to protect us all, Kaoru. Why didn't it work? Why? Why are you gone? Why is Horatia gone? Why is Futatabi gone? Why is... Mei gone? They'd all be friends in the end. It'd work out. ... Why am I even here if I can't help anyone? ... You will. You just have to try. ... It's what you're here for. You're Lucian and you will always be here. ... Because where there is darkness, you will always find light. ...Kathy? Sawyer Laurens's POV[Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 13/04/2023 16:54 (1 Year ago) |
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[Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 13/04/2023 06:16 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVLucian nodded, and proceeded to slowly approach Kubo, carefully feeling at his head. He listened to his breathing. The bump... It didn't seem too bad to him, but... How had he gotten it? ...oh, goodness, touching Kubo like this- ... It felt so intimate. And he felt so stupid for thinking that, DAMMIT! Because there was nothing romantic going on between the two of them. Nothing at all. He was just taking care of Kubo and trying to he- "...If... It's a concussion like you say it is... Guess he'll just... need some rest or somethin', I dunno..." Lucian's face reddened, and he completely stiffened. I'm- sure it's a concussion. Absolutely." Because of course that was the only explanation. There was no other reason Kubo could have kissed him. He hadn't been able to think properly. It would be alright, there would be no awkwardness-- ... The slightness of nausea pinched at him like the pincers of a vicious crab. No awkwardness between them, alright. That'd be fine. He couldn't afford to... To want Kubo in that way anyway. He'd probably laugh at the very thought, wouldn't he? Lucian attempted to shake the thought away. "...thank you... So much for helping." He looked over at Akari gratefully. "...you might be right. He might just need...some rest." He paused. "I really hope he'll be alright... But, Akari, I... If you need to leave..." He looked directly at him. "...and take care of yourself, that would be okay..." You look like you might really need it. I'm sorry for forcing you into this... He breathed a sigh and turned to what Akari had brought over... Lucian gently applied the ice pack to the spot. He checked the dosage on the medicine before carefully measuring the right amount. "...alright, Kubo, um... Could you please open your mouth?" Oh gosh this was awkward. Still, it would be more awkward to pry his mouth open. "...can you swallow them without water?" [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Thu, 13/04/2023 04:27 (1 Year ago) |
Sawyer Laurens's POVWow. The pasta sauce was making quite a mess. Quite the messy mess. Absolute messacre! It was getting all over the floor. Sawyer thought they traced a faint memory, of... ... Someone warm and comforting, sighing and shaking their head. Turning on a... Oh, of course! Water. Yes, that was what you did when you got pasta sauce on something. Find the water thingy. Clean it. Sawyer headed off to the bathroom, still holding the sharp thingy. Whatever it was. Sawyer, present. ...? Someone with pale skin and white hair was here. They couldn't see her very well. Everything was blurry blurry to be honest. "Sawyer! Oh my god!" "You... Know my name?" Sawyer asked, perplexed. "At least, the angel told me it was my name..." ... "Angel... God... Huh..." The person seemed... Afraid? Shocked? "Are you going to stab me? Is that why you're here?" Sawyer stiffened. "Stab... Stab. Stab. What does that... Mean? Is this the next dungeon? I... I'm afraid I don't get you, friendo. Have... We met before?" Sawyer slowly stepped closer. "Just- make it quick, please. If you have to kill me, don't hurt me- don't make it hurt too much. Please-" "Kill?..." They stiffened. Kill... What was... ... Kill . . . ? "Sawyer, do you know why you're here?" "NO! I don't get it at alllll!" they pouted, crossing their arms. "I don't remember a thingamathing! Did I... Do something wrong?" "...well, I-- it's- complicated." "Can I see my mom and dad? Why haven't they come to visit me yet?" "...we'll... Send them in... Soon." "Are they... Too ashamed to see me?" No, that couldn't be right. Crazy. They were crazy. Nuts. A lunatic, weren't they? 1984 was the greatest book ever invented. Why feel any pain when you could indulge in your own doublethink that you created? "Blinking sirens. Lights. Wee-oo, wee-oo, flash flash! Boy. Murder mysteries are fun to read, aren't they?" ... What the... It's not right. "What was... Thought. The thought. I think-" ... "I--" Sawyer dropped the knife on the floor with a clang. A lot of the "No, of course I'm not here to stab or kill ya, whatsername. I was just... Here because..." ... "Why was I--..." They paused a long moment. "I was here to wipe the pasta sauce away. See, I got it all over my hands and stuff! Dunno what happened." They blinked rapidly. "How did... You know my name?" Lucian Arbred's POV"Okay, I... Um..." He paused. What should they do? "...I guess we can find Kubo some medicine in here and... See if we have to bandage anything. Maybe water would be a good idea too?" he guessed. Oh, this was so awkward. "...do... You have any ideas, Akari?" Darcy Harper's POVHe was a goddamn coward. Running out of the room like that. But... What if staying would have made things worse? He winced. Nonono that wasn't true he was He was good at least he tried to be but dammit he wasn't good he should just accept that at this point he was a horrible person Mei was better than he ever would be he was the sinner not Mei Mei was good Mei was perfect Mei was Will Mei was God Mei was not dead Mei was dead Mei was temporary Mei was eternal she was everything she was nothing- Darcy sobbed. God, he made it worse. He always made everything worse. It was pathetic. All life ever asked of you was to be perfect. But you'll never be perfect, or even good. His face melted away before him into a monstrous reflection, into a sea of blood. You're a monster. A nobody. ... No one loves you. History will forget you. "I'm fine... E-Everything's fine," he whispered. He clutched at his face, desperately wishing he could tear it from his skull, and fall into little pieces. [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 19:24 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POVWas it... What I said? Lucian's face steamed uncomfortably. Why did he have to have such... ANNOYING GODDAMN FEELINGS? Why couldn't he just be fine and great and calm and not ...not in love with someone who would never love him back that he couldn't even act normally around. is it... Not something I should forgive easily? He was already dead. It was hardly an insu- ...only way to die was by giving up. Lucian gave Akari an apologetic look as he left the room with him. ... It's okay. Everything will be okay. Everything can be figured out. ...I hope. Sawyer Laurens's POVSawyer hadn't remembered being here. What? Ow. Well, that was annoying. Some strange red liquid was dripping from their hands. They tilted their head. They were holding something shiny, and silver and... Sharp? Hands were that strange red. Object was that strange red. "ohhhh, I think I remember what this is! Pasta sauce, right?" ... Why was there so much- "Why does it... Hurt?" Sawyer felt dizzy. They could barely stand. "Pasta sauce is... Certainly weird." They fell onto their knees, vision blurring. Still staring at those hands. Dripping with... Pasta sauce. Who knew pasta sauce was corrosive? Weird. They didn't remember that about it. Why did they feel... So tired? "Sleepy. Sleepy sleepy." [Read more] |
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Dorky ONLINE Forum Posts: 47 |
Posted: Tue, 11/04/2023 17:08 (1 Year ago) |
Lucian Arbred's POV"No! Love, you're not going t-" What the hell did he just say-- Lucian facepalmed, his face reddening, and he didn't know if it was more so saying that to Kubo, or his frustration at the stupid drunkenness of crushing on somebody. Oh dear god. Thank goodness Kubo had a plot-convenient concussion. ... Kubo wasn't going to die. But... Yeah, that wasn't what he meant. He was really out of it. Maybe... He forgot Kaoru was dead. Lucian couldn't help but feel really worried about him. A sad sparkling occurred in his eyes as he nodded at Kubo. "...okay. Akari?" He looked to him. Oh gosh... What was happening to him? What if this is my fault? No... That wasn't possible, right? Lucian wasn't sure. He wasn't very sure at all. Darcy Harper's POV...yeah. i guess i do she was kinda...weird...when i first met her ...she still is weird though...heh..." "yeah... I... Guess she is." He lowered his head. "...i don't....and i won't...cuz that's all in the past, right? Right?" "But... But you should! You should hate me. Anyone in their right mind should." The past, huh... Like that doesn't still matter. "Yeah." ... Something stirred in Darcy's eyes. He could almost feel a cold wind blowing, even though they were inside. Oh god Idris was crying Idris was crying Darcy didn't mean to, he didn't mean to- "...Idris-" He reached out a hand, but recoiled it. No. No. No. "I'm doin' juuuust fiine, Darcy. How the hell do you think I'm doing? You found me, passed out in the shower. Fully clothed as well. That doesn't sound like a person who's doing okay." Darcy winced, his heart thudding out of his chest. Oh god. Oh god. He felt like he was going to vomit. "S-Sorry..." ... "I'm sorry..." His voice was such a low whimper, barely audible. "I just....ugh. I can't deal with this. I just- Why. Why did she have to die?" "Someone... Someone had to... I-- I guess..." Don't cry don't cry don't cry ... "I'm sorry. I should go. I ruined everything. I ruined it all. I made this worse. I make everything worse..." He turned his face away from Idris and tried so hard not to sob. He tried so hard to stop the tears from leaving his eyes. "...why does... Anyone have to die? Why doesn't God stop that from happening?" ... "Maybe God didn't like her very much... Or he was just an asshole." Funny thought... Isn't it? God being an asshole. When the words left Darcy's mouth, they shocked him beyond belief. "..." ... "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I ruined this. I ruined everything. I'll just... Go..." His heels clicked ever so quietly across the floor. And dammit, dammit, mascara running again... It was a mess. He was a mess. He was nothing but a mess. He was just a screwup all he did was screw things up no one loved him no one would ever love him he didn't deserve to be loved Idris did, Idris didn't deserve to have Mei snatched away from him-- ... I could have talked her out of it. [Read more] |