Forum Thread

I woke up earlier than usual. The sun was still hiding under the clouds. The wind was csreaming. I'm not kiding it's so windy here. My cat kept meowing and asking for snacks. She knows her breakfast is only at 10 a.m. But she's a bit greedy. She needs snacks. I turned on the coffee machine. Aromas of coffee beans grounding filled the room. I turned on my music. And danced a little bit. I remember i dreamed of a rainy day, waliking on the streets, seeing the war planes above my head. People around me started screaming. But i felt no fear. I had a sword in my backpack. And coffee in my termo cup. Nothing stopping me now. I am ready. But the planes just flew past us. And people around me calmed down and continued on living. I started to feel heartache. I notice a fire building a few hundret metters away. But i woke up at that moment. The coffee aroma reminded me of that weird dream. I am looking behind my window. The wind is gving trees a hard time. A branch broke. Birds are flying crazy. The cat keeps meowing for snacks. not now, - i say sipping my hot drink. It feels so weird and dull at the same time.

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Spending my days by looking for a job and drawing. The weather is super nice today. But i'm way to tired go out. I'm on my bed with coffee in my hand. Music playing. The around me not being able to decide if she wants a nap or to play. Mac and cheese plate on the table. I packed a gift for my friend. It felt so nice. I am able to send love to my dearest ones in other city, via a box full of rose petals and best wishes. Felt so powerfull and witchy. My mood swing getting weird. i dreamed of shatered wine glasses under my feet. I couldnt figure out if it was blood or wine. Felt so dizzy and helpless in that dream. Trying my best to recolect myself as a person. To look confident. Cause i feel like i can not get a job because im so shy and anxious... the anxiety kicks in in every job interview. its so anoying. am i the only one that scared of people? shaky voice and blury place around me. i guess i been at home ar too long.

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I spent my day decorating easter eggs and cleaning. a day of peacefull mind atlast. i have been so down lately. today was realy calm and relaxing. really needed this. started new drawing. the child was happy. Cat was nice. Didn'tbreak anything. I bought cake. called my mom. all the nice things that could be. maybe the peace times are really coming for me. i really need this. the moment of pure relaxed mind. no ruch. no fear. no pain. no sad. no anger. just white blank as a paper peace and calm. but my mind's paper is schribled and riped and writen all over it, many many different words, brushed with red ink, with stickers on it, with paw prints and hair. It's a mess. my friends keep saying me - its just creativity, embrace it. but i just need more time to rest. my mind is going crazy. not crazy crazy. I'm just overwelmed by myself. full of thoughts not getting out, losing potencial, or maybe, maybe i'm not, i'm going in small step. in small steps forward.

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Title: poetry

The sun plays
On silky bedsheets
Cat's still sleeping
With a child
Smile on the face
My hand filled with letters
My room smells like tea
Minty aromas around us
It's a luxury to be
It's a luxury to feel
Here and now
With dreams and plans
With gossips and coversations
Around coffee cup
and on video calls
Life as it is
Simplified but pure
Boring but safe
Skipping a heartache
Skipping fear
Skipping knowledge
And handfull of pain
For a moment
in a sip of a drink
Let the mind rest

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Title: mothers day

so today is mothers day in my country.
got pretty handmade flower on friday, that my kid made in daycare.
planned a sweets and drinks and a cartoon for sunday, unless the kid gets sick.
kid has a runny nose, but oh well we can still stay in bed with cartoon.
just wanted to take a relaxing bath, cause i had an exhausting month.
while in bath heard that my partner is saying to the kid to get ready,
i asked what he is doing and he said nothing. he took the child to his mothers.
also left the windows fully open, and we have a cat. i got out of bath a few moments early
and caught cat wiggling her but geting ready for a jump.
i could have lost the cat.
got very angry sad and dissapointed. my relaxing bath ended making me more sad.
when he got back he couldnt understand why i was angry.
why do i think a cat would jump out of a window.
because his parents cat has never done anything like that.
like all cats are the same. and also i know that his parents do not leave the cat alone with open windows.
am i really angry for no reason?
didn't i deserve a nice moment with him and our child staying in bed watching cartoons?
last time we did something like that was christmas...
how does he dont understand that when i dont know where he is going with the kid it makes we very woried?

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