Forum Thread

Yes, that is true. Me, positive, friendly little irritating Iridence-- ah, so much talking about myself-- do I even think of others? I'll be straightforward. I am aware this isn't exactly going to shed me in a positive light, I'll probably seem a bit cringy if not mentally ill. I am not a reliable narrator. Is there a purpose to this self deprication? Why do you feel the need to see yourself in such a negative light?

I truly am not such a negative person-- well, not to others. I don't think you'll gain much from reading this, though you are, so, well, is it curiosity? I'm really average, not much to be perceived-- though I don't mind you reading this, I'm probably writing it because some part of me wishes to be seen, anyways.

I have this problem see-- I am either too conceited or share too much. I am not always the best at middle grounds when it comes to being a being, I am quite polarized and those poles often switch direction. I am always changing, but not always great at adapting.

I like having many names. I think part of my problem is-- at least was at some time-- wanting to be larger than myself. I realize how little intelligence I have, what a small and feeble body I do nothing to train, and am extremely useless to myself. I don't care much for being of use to others, rather it feels like an obligation for some reason. I will always put others above myself, and I know that is in wishing to seek validation. However, in terms of serving myself, I suppose I am at least sufficient in some aspects.

Is this wrong of me? Is this very action me seeking some sort of strange reward for my actions? I suppose I will be rewarded by myself-- perhaps a sense of relief, telling this to someone else who exists, even if that someone is, well, here. This specific thought will likely induce feelings of embarrassment later, though, future me, I do ask that you set your pride aside and do as you need.

I am always questioning myself, and I am sure I will disagree with something if not everything I've written here soon-- finding flaw in the line of thinking I am currently on. As such, this diary will likely showcase some really random trails of mine which I visualize something like fractals-- branches. Think of it as just a place for which I will vent-- or admire, even, this existence which I have a bit of an extraordinarily complicated relationship with for such an average unit of life.

You and I, we talk a lot. In some time, in some place, regardless of all-- we are always having conversations. For that you have value, I suppose. Continue to talk to me. Your first instinct is to change the subject, to start reflecting on positive aspects of your surroundings, why is that? Have you been trained to avoid these thoughts? Are you afraid of thinking when such thinking uproots your sense of security? You see, you and I both know we are inevitably going to question, for that I say do what you must-- If you need, divert your attention.

So long as this conversation is given attention at some time, even if for fleeting moments, the topic is not lost on us. Though, that does make me wonder, what have you forgotten to mention? What have you forgotten to remember?

What beautiful music. I enjoy the message.

I think you should go spend time with her, you know the pain you feel when you realize you are not. Let's go visit Fatticus Mincheth Bartolomeau Obama. I regret not seeing you on Easter, DziaDzia, even if your mind isn't quite what it used to be, even if I am scared of going near you because when I am with you I am afraid of time. That's grim.

Thestrals. Sure, I could see them being representative of your current state. It makes sense.

I must go now, but I may come back again soon. Hopefully in a better state of mind..?