Forum Thread

I found some flightrising sackdoll adoptable psd files that were free to use, I might check them out after I finish my homework.

I want to write but I have to read an entire chapter of this book on computer architecture, and I've been really lacking in motivation, so I probably won't finish anytime soon, unfortunately.

All people to some extent are influenced by the people around them, and influence their environment in turn. We all want to be special and stand out, but we all want to be identical to everyone else at the same time. We also disparage people who aren't identical to us. We want to force our standards on others, but we also don't want other people to rate us using their standards.
So society is basically an amplified cookiecutter, and in the end there will only be cookie shaped cookies or whatever.
But cookies are yummy, so...
Wait why are cookies supposed to be cookie shaped...nevermind.
I'm not sure what I'm writing about...I'm kind of sleepy, so I better hurry up and finish that chapter. Apparently reading things before going to sleep allows people to absorb the information better...

Lots of good things happened over the past few days, I joined Ace's PokeTown team, and now we're working on doing awesome stuff!

I also got $150/month of azure credits, and now I have to figure out what to do with them, and I was thinking in the future we can host the poketown webapp on there.

Oh, and also, my shiny dratini and my mew hatched today!
I had way better luck on this shiny hunt, my dratini hatched after 48 eggs :)
I want to keep her since she's really cute, but I'll probably end up listing her at the gts.
The cost of shiny hunting was around...
50k pd for batteries, plus 2k pd /day for 10 days (daycare costs) so she should be worth at least 70k pd (I've heard that dratini can sell for up to 150k pd but I'm not quite sure)

Anyways, I have to get back to my homework, I'll be back soon, I guess :)

I've been writing less frequently. I don't have a concrete reason, but I just feel that it makes me uneasy to say things about myself, it makes me realize that I don't know myself at all. (Not that I want to, anyways)
I'm trying to start drawing again, I stopped for a week or two because I was having the "everything I draw looks like recycle bin material" feeling. I still struggle with anatomy, particularly the shoulders and legs, so I'm working on that. I'm also trying to figure out how to draw on digital. It's a bit difficult, it feels like I'm just outlining my traditional art and adding color instead of actually drawing, but maybe I'm just doing it wrong.

Progress on Pokecity is going okay so far, we set up a framework, added a forum, etc.

I don't know. Let's just say I'm a trash-talking idiot.

Oh, I haven't written in a week. I'm just too lacking in motivation, or something.
I'll try to write over the next few days.
I've been busy for the past few days, with Pokecity, and also with a new a mud that I probably won't keep playing.
I've also been playing for Dappervolk, but I kinda lost my motivation for that too.

I also promised my sister I'd help her do a MUD framework, and aside from that I want to make a mysidia tutorial on youtube maybe.

Sometimes I feel too lacking in motivation to breathe, so I'm lucky that humans aren't conscious breathers like orcas are.

I completed a cousera course yesterday, but I have to verify my ID (I don't have one) so now I have to write a support email.
People are being upset with me again. I know why but I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I feel like it's impossible to get anything I want. And sometimes it feels like I don't know what I want at all. The things I have to do are always stopping me from doing what I want, but I don't know if I'd actually do what I want to if I didn't have to do the things I do now, or if I actually like doing what I want to do.

I have to keep watching my lectures now, and maybe I can have some time to myself later. Not sure what I'm going to do with that time though. I'll probably just keep drawing dumb doodles that I never give to their proper recipients.

Time to write in my logbook, haven't written in a while. I had this impulse to go ahead and edit out every single post I made, since they're all kinda sucky, and I mean, I don't like the stuff I write anyways, but I'm feeling not-so-sucky now, so I'm going to try to write some positive stuff.

Anyways, so Bagel (BurntSpaghetti) is back now, and I'm glad, and well for Pokecity we finally fixed ckeditor, and now we're working on a dashboard/status bar to make things look nicer.

I was thinking about writing down my future plans because well, if I write it down, it's kinda like a promise, and then there's no running away, right?

I was thinking I should spend more time on PH, and be nicer to my fwiends and give them plooshies. I'm probably going to quit dappervolk, at least for the time being (because of USACO, among other things) since it's a bit too time consuming. I'll still play FR regularly though, because FR is easier to manage, and our flight doesn't have dominance pushes too often. After my USACO is over, I'll probably either pick up my MUD or go start playing dappervolk again.

And that's about all for my big list of games :P
Anyways, I've been also thinking about my priorities, and I've started a quick list:
1. USACO. I'll be actively doing old problems as well as reviewing training pages, and doing platinum, since my goal is to get there this year and I will be murdered if I don't :/

2.Computer Architecture & Coursera. // 2.5 PC
I want to get 12 done courses by the end of the year (though I'll probably fail because computer architecture has more content, and also because I'm terrified of writing financial aid applications), so I'll be working on that. PokeCity is also really important to me, I want to make it awesome because I'm an awful person and I get obsessed with everything I do.

3. Doodling
So unfortunately I don't have lots of time left over to work on fixing my anatomy skills, but of course I'll still doodle everyday, I'm also trying to get more used to drawing on a phone, but that will take a while.

I want to write more, but at the same time, I don't, so that's all for now.
I might write more often, but then I'll show myself how awful I am, and I don't like that, so I'll shut up at least for today :)

I don't want to write, so just typing out some stuff I did:
1. Installed a bank system
2. Made a news system

I don't want to do anything, but I'll get upset at myself if I don't.
And I said I would fix stuff, but I lied.

Well, look at me, I'm back to the 'everyone's waiting for me to screw up' phase again.
Sometimes I feel so sick of everything, myself, everyone around me.

I can pretend to have friends, pretend to not be alone, but everyone's waiting for me to fall, and even if they're not, one day they'll know what kind of trash I am, and then they'll abandon me too.

But, I mean, it's my fault for being such an awful person and expecting others to be nice to me even when I'm not able to do anything for them when they're down.

And then, there's all the ifs. If I'd stayed at school...if I was the good, obedient child everyone wanted me to be...
But I know that, given how disgusting I am, I'll always be alone.

I don't even get myself at all. Why can't I be the person I want to be, and why I'm constantly stuck like this.
It's like no matter what I do is never enough.

And now here I am, wallowing in self-pity again. How disgusting.

PikaPika Collection:

I went out with my dad and we bought lots of yummy snacks and stuff :)
So basically now that the berry battle's started, there's a bunch of chaos over berries and mulch :P . I have around 2000 so that should be enough for me, and I should still have some left if my friends need any.
I forgot about the level mulch unfortunately, so I'm missing out on that right now.

I have to go do my homework, I'll write more later.

Just me talking about random stuff again :P

Flameforger's festival has started in FR, and the skins look pretty nice, so I'm trying to get all of them but unfortunately I don't have lots of cash on hand so it's going to be slightly more difficult this time

Still shiny hunting chocoluv, and I'm having better luck at daycare so hopefully should be able to finish in a few weeks.

Have been a little tired lately, and (like the idiot I am) I had a break down on the street yesterday. I haven't had one in months so I don't know what's wrong with me. It always irks me out, how I never know why it happens, it just feels like everything's out of my control.

I'm supposed to be working on my usaco right now, but I can't figure out cross products for #3, so I'm just writing value-less junk, I guess.

Sometimes I'm so confused as to why everyone has so much faith in me, but I try my best everyday not to disappoint anyone. And the most confusing thing is how the people I want to have faith in me never do, I dunno.

I hate breaking down. It makes me feel like everyone's staring at me and waiting for me to do something awful so they can get at me again, even when I try so hard every single day, it's not enough. They'll laugh at me, tell me how vulnerable I am. If I could choose, of course I would want to be okay, and to be able to be nice to everyone.

I have to go to bed in 10, I guess I'll have to postpone my usaco notes.

As long as I pass this time and get to platinum I'll be free and I don't have to worry so much anymore, so I have to try my best, I guess.

Got a new pfp, it's an oreo orca :)
Apparently there is an orca called oreo, she's J22 in the SRKW pods.

Just some quick notes about stuff:

Events:

Igglybath was from the event 5/27/20. It evolves into jigglybath --> wigglybath through use of water stones.
Slugua was the event pokemon for 8/08/20, and it evolves into Aquargo when traded with a shoal shell.

i caught a cold yesterday but I'm feeling better today.

I'm doodling Harumi from Ninjago, here's a wip sketchie thing that I don't really like...



It's hard for me to figure out how the highlights and shadows work.

I used a greyish shade for the base, then used a lilac color for the shadow (airbrush) and then used pure white for the highlights (dip pen soft + blur).


I got a shadow radar, so now I can hunt shadow pokes :)
Unfortunately I'm not really good at it and I screw up a lot, but hopefully with some time I should be able to use it properly.

I'm bored right now and I can't draw on the phone because my mom is outside, so that's why I'm writing dumb stuff again.

Some Stuff:
Digiheroes: https://pokeheroes.com/digiheroes/index.php

Bagvalue: https://pokeheroes.com/bagvalue

Market Insider (Pokemon) https://pokeheroes.com/stonks?p=

Market Insider (Item) https://pokeheroes.com/stonks?i=

time to keep writing more narcissic trash about how much i hate myself (jk)

sometimes i just feel like screaming at myself.