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Farewell
Forum-Index → Diaries → Farewell
Posted: Sun, 12/03/2017 19:02 (7 Years ago)
Who woulda thought that after 4 years, I'd finally decide to do it right?
Been having a feeling I was gonna do it eventually, officially anyways. Kinda unofficially quit with all my inactivity to be honest.
I ain't into the website anymore is all, I suppose? It kept my interest a lot longer than I anticipated though. Legit one of the only things that had me return constantly for a while there.
I love this site. I'm not gonna lie. This site is amazing; has it's ups and downs, but literally every site does. I just... no longer really have a need to stay? I've... matured outta it, in a way.
That's really all it is. I'm not into it; I've matured and grown out of this website. Not by age or anything like that. I'll never grow up due to age probably lmao. I suppose it's a different kind of maturity. Emotional and mental I guess?
I came to this website at a time where nothing felt good. Nothing was going right. I just wanted to get lost in things, and websites like Pokeheroes were my escape. Pokemon was a big interest of mine; couldn't play it at the time, but I loved it anyways. So I joined Pokefarm. Got bored, and went to find a new one. Found Pokeheroes.
And honestly? I didn't expect this website to change me in the way it did. I didn't expect it to be anything more than something to keep me entertained. And at first, that's all it was. It was entertainment.
Then it grew. It became something more. I got attached to people, and I made friends; and in all, at the time, 13 years of my life, I had never managed that before. I never managed to open up and speak to people. More than 2 anyways. On here... I made so many friends. The experience was overwhelming.
I never knew how friendship really felt before I came here. I didn't... really know much of anything before I came here. This website helped me realize a lot about myself. This website was a catalyst for so many changes in my life. Without this website, I seriously doubt I'd be where I am today.
When I joined Pokeheroes, I was a lonely kid. I was abnormal and afraid of it. I was depressed and had no idea what my emotions were; I was scared, and I didn't want to exist. I didn't think I could get help, I didn't want it and I didn't think I deserved it.
But this website changed that. In the nearly 4 years I've been on it, it's led to so many changes with me. Without the people here, I would've never become a friendlier person, and I never would've found the interests that allowed me to do so.
Without the support and care from the friends I made on here, I never would've left my mindset of 'I don't matter. My existence doesn't matter. I don't deserve help'. Without them, I wouldn't be on the road of recovering from it, and on the road to finally treating myself better and becoming a healthy person.
Without my friends and the community, I wouldn't have reached out. I wouldn't have had people to talk to or vent to. I might not be here today if it weren't for this website. I wouldn't have reached out to my dad, I wouldn't have gotten a therapist and gotten antidepressants. I wouldn't be on the way to try and become a more functional being.
Without this website, I wouldn't be becoming the best me I can try to be.
I started off as a stand-offish individual, one who hides everything behind humor. A person who never wanted to share what was bugging them, one who was always lonely and didn't feel like they could connect to a dang soul on this planet. One who didn't think they deserved to be here anyways, and took so much pain from others; one who was constantly used.
Now, with the help from people on this website and the path this website set me on, I've become a more friendly individual. I've finally been able to reach out and connect to people. this last year has been one where I've finally become what I never expected. I still hide behind humor, but now I can at least reach out if my humor no longer works. I'm not so lonely anymore. I still sometimes don't feel like I deserve to be here, and still take pain. But now, I can fight those feelings off with the words my friends have said to me.
I'm no longer stepped on, I'm no longer being used. I allow myself to do the things I did for others; I no longer just do it out of fear, I do it out of genuine care for others.
Heck, even the bad parts led to a positive change for me. A lot of the bad parts led to new friends, and those new friends led to new memories I will always hold dear.
Without this website, I don't think I'd be the type of person I am now; I truly don't. I can't imagine what would've happened by now. What type of person I might've been. Would I have learned what my sexuality is? What I'm into? How I can connect to others? Would I have found my passion without this website? This website is what allowed me to rediscover the things I love to do and want to do for the rest of my life.
I owe this website so much. It's an odd feeling to finally say goodbye. I've just grown away from this place; I love it and the people who I've befriended, I love them with all my heart.
But, I can't stay. I just... the attraction and the need I had when I was in a worse place is gone now. I feel an odd sense of freedom.
It's just time to say goodbye. It's time to part ways with the website. Not the people with it, no; I'll still communicate with my friends of course. That would be a jerk move, cutting them off. Wouldn't want that, I love them and wanna talk to 'em.
I just wanted to say this so people can see how important this website is sometimes. How important it was to me. You might not care for it, but I wrote this more-so for me and my friends. I wanted to remember why this website means so much. And I want them to know how they changed me, and how they shaped me.
A few stand out, and I'd like you all to see their names and know how they changed me. My goodbyes to them, for now. If they can't talk to me if I leave this website, as they have no ways to communicate with me; then this is a final goodbye to them.
To KrazyKarp, Giygas, Hoodie, Cynda, and all the friends who I made at the start, many of whom no longer visit this site: thank you for the push. Thank you for being my first friends, and for being there. Thank you for not forgetting who I was, even when I was constantly changing names and forgetting to speak to you guys.
Karp, you're such a awesome dude. Wish we could've chatted more. Never forget the Pizzacos! :]
Same to you Hoodie; didn't always see eye-to-eye with you, but you were one of the key people who changed me. You lead me to making many friends.
Giygas, my fellow constant-name-changing brother, you've always been there really. If I never speak to you again, I want you to know how much I care for you; you're like actual family to me man.
Cynda, you're one of the most loveable people I ever met. You never fail to make me smile. Especially since you share my love in corny things lmao.
To Furret, another one of my long-time pals: you're a popular loser. But you're an amazing one. Joking and talking to you is always a treat. You helped me stay busy during times were bad thoughts were coming in, even if you didn't realize it 'cause I never really let you know that. Never let anyone know. Talking to you about issues helped me calm down a lot, and I hope I did the same whenever you talked to me about your own. I'm glad I met you, you giant noob.
To Rini, the person who I'll always protect with my trusty stick: Rinrin, you're an amazing person. I stopped talking to you, and I regret that. I wish I didn't get so busy that we fell out of touch. Honestly? Had the biggest gayest crush on you. Probably still do. You rock so much, and I like how you speak your mind but can also make it silly.
To Reapu, the trash deino: another person I have a big gay crush on tbh. You're such a cute dork. Glad I met you, especially with a lot of the shenanigans we got into. Those Chatzy shenanigans were great, one of the most fun experiences I ever had. Giving gifts to you was something I enjoyed a lot, loved showering you with what I could. Love you in general in all honesty. Just wanted that to be out there.
To Rascal, a fellow memer: Mate, you're hilarious. Always manage to get a chuckle out of me whenever we actually chat. My fellow salt friend. Thanks for the memes and jokes dude.
To Kit, a melted chocolate bar: mate, you're such a nerd and an amazing artist [all my friends are who am I kidding]. Your humor rubbed off so much on me, pretty much adopted it. It's mine now, you're not getting your humor back. Thanks for always giving a heck of a laugh, you meme.
To Amour, my chilb: how can someone be so cute. It should be illegal. The good and pure and cute of you should be completely and totally illegal, like call 911 this is a crime. You're such a loveable person. I'm so glad we finally talked to each other like honestly? Was always too shy to talk to you. I'm glad we managed to get past that wall and become friends.
To Bettalong, my fish friend: another loveable and pure being. Illegally so. My friends need to stoooop. I still wish we could've chatted more, chatting with you was always amazing and fun. You're a great person, a beautiful cinnamon roll to good for this world.
To Glaffyn, another cool person: I talked way too little with you! This will always haunt me. I don't know much of you, we didn't really talk enough especially in recent times. All I know is you're, like, one of the best people ever. Like seriously. Keep being you man.
To Squir, my eternal homestuck pal: I unfortunately don't talk to you as much as I'd like Squir, but gosh are you a great person. Adorable as heck. 1000% better at everything than me lmao. Hope you're doing amazing, we should try to talk more!
To Piggy, pretty much my closest friend: gal, you rock my world. Like Giy, you're like a sibling to me. I haven't talked to you a lot recently, and you know the reasons; but I want you to know that you are literally one of the best things to come out of this website, and a friend I'm glad I stayed in contact with especially after you had quit for a bit. Watching you change and being there with you has been amazing. Thank you for being there for me constantly, even when you couldn't do much to help. Just venting to you had helped me so much. Just letting it out. I hope our friendship becomes lifelong, that we never fall out of touch with each other.
To Eri, a true prince: your love of lizards rubbed off on me, curse you. Another one of my silly friends, one that made me giggle constantly. Another one who I didn't talk to a lot in recent times [notice a trend? hint, it's that I suck with consistent communication haha...], but always had in my thoughts. Sometimes some thing you said would pop up in my head and my day would just get brighter. Love you fam.
To Yoretula, my SC buddy: honestly?? Finding out someone so close to where I live was on the same website was wild. Never thought that woud happen, especially in this area! Having someone to talk to about SC stuff and stuff about this area was exciting, and still is. I could say something that others might not understand, but you would b/c I can gurantee it was probably related to some weird story relating to this area lmao.
And so, so many more. I don't know if I can name them all. I forgot a lot of names, unfortunately. And a lot of them might not consider me friends with them anymore, in all honesty! I never talked to them enough, and we drifted apart. So here are honorable mentions, from the top of my head: Chococat, Joe, CarpetMonster, Flaafy, Tina... Everyone else I've talked to and enjoyed and considered friend for a time. You all changed me in some way, even if you don't think so. I forget the names, I usually do, but the effect you had on me is one I'll never forget. And I hope that I left that effect, in some way, on many of you. A positive one at least.
This place gave me an irreplaceable family, an unforgettable family. This place gave me irreplaceable memories, ones that will be with me for the rest of my life most likely.
I'll never forget this place. I'll always hold fond memories of it. And I will miss it.
But as I said.
It's time to say goodbye.
"Saying goodbye doesn't mean you are no more my friend,
Saying goodbye doesn't mean our relationship is dead.
Saying goodbye doesn't mean it is forever,
Saying goodbye doesn't mean that it is the end.
Saying goodbye simply means that I will really miss you,
Till the time comes when the two of us meet up again."
- Unknown
Thank you for everything, everyone.