Forum Thread

Section One: A Rampage Curtailed

A slender azure figure clad in steel-spiked black leather grinned maniacally as he contemplated his latest plot, his huge shiny scalp gleaming in the sunshine as he rushed around setting up equipment This was Megamind, Metro City's resident supervillain, engaged in one of the few plans of his that didn't involve kidnapping a rather sarcastic reporter named Roxanne Ritchi. He and Minion, his loyal robogorilla-suited fish companion, were planning to take control of the city's airport. True, he'd have loved for his recently-appointed favourite kidnapee to bear witness, but it turned out that she'd gone on vacation. Not that it had any bearing on his choice of venue... Besides, it wasn't as though he'd want to stop her from getting back - then it would be so much harder to kidnap her! Anyway, he was just placing some sensors (for Metro Man, his eternal rival), when he happened to notice something on one of his covert surveillance screens. The camouflaged spybot he'd sent to case the joint (a subtler version of the boistrous brainbots he usually used) had spotted something that caught him off guard. It was deceptively simple, and something that the milling crowds seemed oblivious to. Not Megamind. One family, composed of one horsy woman and three males. The husband and his obvious son were grossly overfed, well-dressed, and had a cruel piggy cast to their eyes that the blue supervillain had seen all too often before. The woman had a sour, lemony air about her, which reminded him of his old shool teacher - but the fourth member of the party haunted him. A boy much smaller than the other, and skinnier. Woefully dressed and hanging back with the air of one who knew to keep out of the way.

That had been him, once, but he'd had Minion. They looked, on the surface, like a family unit, but Megamind's head wasn't big for no good reason, and it didn't really take a genius. As he watched, the city terror paled to an eggshell blue - he could read the fear-laden glances and anxious posture of the messy-haired scruff as easy as remembering, and the adults did nothing to stop their blob of a child from striking th e resigned-looking skinny one presumably under their care. Some might attribute it to fatigue and the stress of their journey, but the serial jailbird saw an entirely different picture. He'd been to shool with an over-indulged brat, but he hadn't had to live with a pair of them. "Sir, is everything alright over there?" Minion stage-whispered, jolting the criminal genius out of his daze. "Shh! No - change of plan!" He hissed back, his extraordinarily vivid green eyes luminous with an emotion his brown and green scaled accomplice recalled all too well. Normally, Minion would argue, his lot far less menial than his name implied, but not when he saw this look. It always meant that his charge needed his full support, for whatever reason, so he didn't quibble when Megamind ditched the intricate plan they'd worked so hard on in favour of simply sending in a bunch of brainbots to cause chaos - something usually reserved for decoys and to make Metro Man look silly. To his surprise, he actually got an explanation, and he didn't like one bit of it. "I saw him trying to sneak away - now he'll have a chance." The self-professed evil genius concluded, watching the omnishambles with grim satisfaction.

Their equipment hastily packed away, the odd-looking pair scrambled into the new invisible car they'd arrived in - so as to avoid detection by the panicked people streaming out of every exit they came to. Cameras could be hacked, but witnesses were tricky. The spybot was able to confirm that the black-haired ragamuffin had broken away from the obnoxious family, but it had lost track of the actual boy. It was now retreating backwards, while its creator fretted. Suddenly, they saw a familiar scruffy figure darting out of a nearby emergency exit towards the vehicles they were concealed amongst. The kid ducked behind the van they were hiding behind, and crouched next to a wheel, chest going like bellows as he glanced around like a spooked prey animal - revealing wide eyes that were about as vivid a green as the watching villain's. "Uh, Sir? Incoming..." Minion muttered urgently, pointing at a stream of civilians who had also chosen that particular exit. Their position was becoming more untenable - the car was invisible, not intangible, and who knew when Metro Man might show up? "We can't just leave! He'll be discovered..." Megamind retorted, already empathising with this obvious fellow outcast. He looked slightly sheepish, realising that they would be discovered almost as soon as the boy if they didn't move, but his features were mulishly set. Sure, the first to find the kid might be decent sorts, but both outlaws were certain that the kid would end up taken back to those awful people eventually. Minion was about to say something more, but Megamind had made a snap decision.

The boy, most commonly known as Freak or Boy, had just had one of the most bewildering experiences his mind could recall. It had begun with Uncle Vernon's new contract, one that would require him to live in a foreign city for the duration of said contract - there was no way Aunt Petunia or Dudley would be left behind, and nobody would agree to take him for such a long time (he hadn't heard precisely how long), so he got to come as well. Going on a plane for the first time had been exiting - he'd stared at the metal behemoth for as long as he could, and craned his neck to look out at the boundless skies beyond through someone's window while they flew. His sense of wonder hadn't stopped him thinking, however. Aunt Petunia had shown the security guards three passports - one for her, one for Dudley, and one that could only be his (as his Uncle carried his own). What would his own passport have to say about him? Even if it contained all the nasty things his relatives claimed, there was something in it he was intensely curious about - his name. He was most typically addressed as either Boy or Freak, which he had come to realise could not be names. Listening to programs on the telly while he was in his cupboard had taught him that. So, on the way through security when they landed in Metro City, Michigan, he'd tried to ask the security guard to hand his passport to him rather than his aunt. Petunia had vetoed that idea, claiming he'd lose it, and Dudley had given him a smug look. Irritating or defying his relatives always got him in trouble, and he'd done both - in public. Nervous, he'd decided to keep out of the way as long as he could. It hadn't stopped Dudley from shoving him from time to time, but the scrawny five-year-old was used to that. Idly, he'd contemplated the masses of people filling the place as they churned. It would be very easy for someone small to get lost in a crowd like that... Would that really be so bad, compared with the Dursleys?

Gradually, he had begun to edge away, wary of alerting his relations. That was when things had become deeply strange. Robots with glowing blue domes, steel jaws and dangling metal limbs had flown into the drab airport, eyestalks peering all around as they charged - seemingly at random. The boy could hardly think what all that was about, but he wasn't one to pass up a diversion like that. Amidst the odd bowging noise of the robots and the general panic, he'd made a break for it, actually managing to be the first person out of the door he'd gone for. Now, he was huddled on the rough tarmac behind a parked van, and had no idea what to do next. It was at this point that he heard the sound of a car window winding down. Whirling around, he was faced with a very unconventional sight. "Ollo..." Said the oversized blue head looking at him from a lowered window that didn't have a car. "Need a getaway vee-hickle? It looks like the mindless drones will be here soon - I think I see those louts you were with, too. That's not good..." Swallowing his incredulity, the boy peered back past the van's tyre. The obvious alien was right. Gulping nervously, he turned back to the impossible window. There was a door open now, he could see the inside of the back of the car. "Are you going to do tests on me?" He asked carefully, weighing his options. An invisible car was awesome, and he was afraid of ending up with the Dursleys again, but he wasn't sure if he could trust this extraterrestrial. "What? No! If I went around doing that sort of thing, I might be next - I've seen movies too, you know. Besides, I usually work with robotics, not live things, and I'm a genius, not a barbarian." The blue man replied with a shudder, making a face. Robots - like the ones that had given him such an effective distraction? That was a point in the alien's favour, and he had been dreaming that someone would come for him for absolutely ages.

"Okay," He agreed, planting himself on the springy-cushioned seat, buckling himself in and sutting the door. He'd had to learn how to buckle himself, as nobody'd ever helped him. "I'll bite you if you're mean, though." He warned, as they drove away. He wouldn't have dared tell his uncle that, but he wasn't afraid of the bald spaceman. Somehow, he just didn't seem threatening. Besides, he didn't want to let himself get pushed around again - best to seem tough from the start. "Oh, he reminds me of you when you were young, Sir!" Another voice cried - to the boy's utter shock, it was coming from a green-brown fish on top of a robotic ape, where the head should have been. "Oh, doesn't he? I knew I was right about him!" The exuberant driver declared happily, throwing the kid for another loop. "What do you mean?" He asked, feeling defensive - he wasn't used to a positive reaction to his being cheeky. "Why, you're a tough little outcast, like me." Megamind responded, in softer, less jovial tones. "Disliked by most, and out of place. Treated unfairly - probably blamed unfairly too. I've seen enough reflections to know what that feeling looks like... But you've still got spirit, like me." That had the boy stumped for a moment - and feeling a little unnerved about the big-headed motorist's accuracy. However, he got the impression that someone so very different would know about that sort of thing, wouldn't they? He stayed silent for a while, watching the scenery as strains of rock music filtered back towards him from the car's music player, before piping up again. "Where are we going?" This question seemed to fluster the blue guy - which, while not inspiring confidence, was a source of amusement.

Megamind was indeed in a bit of a pickle - despite his not-inconsiderable brain power, the criminal goofball had been too caught up in his emotions to actually plan this far ahead. Nervously, he gave Minion a brief sidelong glance. He received a piscine shrug in return. Oh, well. "I have no idea." He admitted reluctantly, "Away was all I really had in mind. Any ideas?" The look he could see in the rear-view mirror spoke volumes. Incredulous, nervous, and quite likely sarcastic volumes. "I don't know anywhere." The child responded, becoming more subdued as the adrenaline began to wear off. "Some- Could it be somewhere with food, please? I didn't eat on the plane." It was dawning on the mischief-bent offworlder that he had impulsively taken charge of a hungry foreign kid, one he wouldn't consider handing back to the louts he'd been with before. Up close, it had been easy to tell that he was clad in ill-mended cast-offs from the smaller rotund lump, and ill-fed within them. What could he do with such a child that would not send him back into misery? Not the street, and it wasn't as though an orphanage wouldn't try to trace his origins. It would also be pretty cold to leave the kid in a place like that - he'd never heard much good about social services like orphanages. Being a fairly all-or-nothing kind of villain, there were only two choices open to him. He picked the one he trusted most. "How would you feel about an E-vil Lair?" He asked, trying for a casual tone. "It has heating, power, food, water, and lots of inventing materials. There would be places you wouldn't be allowed - every lair needs to have some booby-traps - but it would be safer than wandering around on your own." He added, as the squirt's eyebrows reached for the sky.

Minion openly gawped at him - a distracting sight, with all those teeth. The mech-pilot had reached similar conclusions about practicality, but he'd never thought he'd hear Sir make an offer like that so readily - he looked like a ball of nerves, too. They'd never offered sanctuary before. "Evil Lair?" Came the faint query, the sound of a small someone who didn't know what to believe. He ought to have guessed - they looked enough like bad guys from the comics of Dudley's he'd glimpsed. "That's right! I suppose I should have introduced myself sooner, seeing as you're not from around here. I am Megamind, incredibly handsome master of all villainy!" The wiry fellow behind the wheel confirmed, his tone theatrical - which had the effect of making the boy giggle a little, a bit less tense. "And I'm Minion." The bulkiest - yet also smallest - of the car's riders added helpfully, his voice earnest. There was an awkward gap in the conversation, a little too long for comfort, as the boy processed the new information. "I - I don't know my name..." The child confessed quietly, his tone flat and sombre, hid expression a picture of anxious frustration muted by resignation and weariness. That stopped the other two short. Megamind's mouth was moving, but no sound was coming out - Minion's warm brown eyes had bulged. It was a good thing they had reached rather infrequently used stretches of road.

It was Minion who recovered first. Seeing as his boss was still tongue-tied, the startled fish spoke up gently. "We wouldn't judge you for that, young sir - and we might be able to help. If you don't know what to call yourself, we can help you get a name." He offered, causing the boy's head to come up quite rapidly from his slump, a mask of disbelieving hopefulness painted across his features. It was this view in the mirror that spurred Megamind into responding. "That's absolutely right!" He affirmed, less vim and vigour in his words than before, but with more steel lurking. Apparently unable to form a coherent reaction to this, and wanting to give himself chance to digest this revelation, the urchin switched topics abruptly. "What'll I have to do?" He murmured, wary of a catch - and wondering what a pair of villains would find him useful for. "I don't know - workshop assistant? E-vil plan double checker? I've read that children are good at that..." Megamind offered up, flying by the seat of his metaphorical pants. "Minion is as well, but your perspective would still be useful." He added, not wanting his oldest friend to take offence. "There might be other things too, but I haven't thought of them yet. Oh, and we're here." They had, indeed, arrived. They were in the outskirts of the city, next to a tall and graffiti-covered warehouse.

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Section Two: The E-vil Lair, Settling In

Megamind parked them close to the dusty-brownish building, then he and Minion clambered out - followed by the nervously excited boy. He wasn't sure what to think of being effectively rescued by a pair of villains, but he was looking forward to seeing what the inside of a proper lair looked like - and hoping that he wouldn't be awful at checking evil plans. Sure, he was kind of anxious about the new and bizarre situation, but that was peanuts next to the thought of being sent away in shame. It would be harder to stay warm and fed if that happened, he realised, and he'd feel awful about his failure. When he was led to a door-less part of the wall, he was puzzled, and a little hurt. Were they making fun of him? But no, Megamind took a stride forwards and walked straight through the wall! Minion obviously heard his startled intake of breath, as the fish had turned to favour him with the most reassuring smile he could manage with all those teeth. Trying to return it as best he could, though he looked a little wan, the boy followed, Minion not far behind him. On entering, his eyes widened as he beheld the scene before him. There in front of his eyes was a space wider than the Dursley's living room, filled with gizmos and gadgets. His mouth slightly agape, he turned slowly as he drank in the sight of all the metal and coloured lights. His reaction obviously pleased Megamind, as the spindly blue escapee was beaming wickedly, delighted by the effect his home had on the unsuspecting child. "Impressed?" He drawled, his smile becoming a smirk, while seating himself on his nearest chair. "This is awesome!" The young boy declared fervently, breaking into a grin as he took in the sights around him. This was clearly the right thing to say, as Megamind seemed to puff up a little bit - like a strutting peacock - and Minion favoured him with a relieved smile. "This is only the first room." The fish confided, a small amount of quiet pride in his voice.

Even the smell of this place was interesting - while the airport had been dry, and outside fairly normal, the Lair smelt of metal, leather and oil, with slight traces of other, less identifiable things. The boy liked this place already, he only hoped he'd be allowed to stay. One of the robots from before was peeking in through a door it had opened, regarding the child with the same amount of curiosity as he had about it. "That's one of the robots from before, isn't it?" He asked, pointing it out. Turning his distinctive head to regard the droid in question, Megamind waved it in so that the boy could get a better look. "That's right - this is one of my brain bots, my enthusiastic instruments of chaos!" He replied laughingly, with a flourishing gesture towards the machine itself, which attempted to strike a pose. It was clear that the leather-clad inventor was proud of his work, and the boy couldn't blame him. "Each of them has a personality, and they are very loyal - like technological guard dogs." The older outcast added, patting his creation's glowing dome with one gloved hand. Abruptly, as though struck by some idea, he beckoned for the other two to follow him. "You're going to need somewhere to sleep, and I've just recalled a place that might be suitable." Megamind explained as they walked, moving out of the 'entrance hall' and into a corridor. The boy wasn't sure what to expect, having only had a cupboard before, but he was eager to see where he would be staying. "Most of the spaces in here are fairly wide, not really bedroom material, but there are a few that used to be offices - like this one." Minion added, having realised where his boss was going with this.

A room of his own! The nameless child swallowed his gleeful excitement as Megamind's quick pace came to a halt in front of a dark grey door. Minion grinned - this was where they had stored their best spare bed. In fact, it was quite literally a spare bedroom - in case Megamind accidentally wrecked his own with some invention or other, which was far from implausible. Understandably, Megamind wasn't best pleased when Minion cheerfully related this reasoning to their young charge, but it seemed to amuse the pair of them. The room itself was quite simple - there was a bed (with star patterned duvet cover and pillowcase), a bedside cabinet with a lamp, a wardrobe, and a chest of drawers. All but the fabrics appeared to have been constructed from salvaged metal. It was nothing fancy, being a spare room, but the child's eyes widened all the same, and he smiled infectiously. The walls were a drab beige, but that was okay - it was his first proper bedroom, and it wasn't even spider-infested! Minion and Megamind shared significant looks at the way the boy lit up at seeing even this, but neither said a word. After a moment, Minion made his was quietly out to debrief the brain bots - leaving Megamind with the kid. With a soft sigh, the genius sat himself down on the bed, allowing him to look the child in the eye more easily. After taking a breath, he began to speak. "I do not know what presi-selly you've escaped today, only that it was bad. What I wish for you to know is that I've been there too." He began, speaking slowly. He wasn't used to opening up to people who weren't Minion, and it felt awkward, but he knew the kid needed a talk like this.

"Even the name issue." He continued, having noticed that he'd caught his audience's attention. "When I was a baby, I and Minion crashlanded into a prison - nobody could find a record of what my name was supposed to be, so the prisoners called me Bubsy. It served well enough, I use it as my family name now, but I've always wondered what my parents really called me. " His tone was soft, and slightly hesitant - the child was silent. It was clear that the other 'freak' was sharing things that would normally remain hidden, and the boy could respect that. "I have no idea what your name is meant to be, but I could give you a new one, if you like." Megamind offered, searching the youngster's expression carefully for any indication that he might have upset him. "... I'd like a name, I think." The boy decided aloud, if quietly, after a few minutes had passed. "It'd be nice to know what it was supposed to be, but I'm used to not knowing it. If I got a new name, that'd be something I could keep. Err, I mean, yes please..." The kid flushed a little, embarrassed by his own verbosity. He'd never been supposed to talk much before, but Megamind hadn't stopped him. "Excellent!" His blue host exclaimed, brightening at once. The soon-to-be-named child was glad that the fellow's emotions were so easy to read - it was conversationally and situationally convenient, and seeing the other weird guy's enthusiasm was encouraging. He felt safer around him than he could have with someone more serious - perhaps because he was reminded of himself? They already seemed to have a lot in common.

"How do you feel about the name Osbourne? Ozzy for short." Megamind asked, smiling. The name sounded vaguely familiar to the boy, but he wasn't sure from where. Ozzy did sound like a cool name, though, and Osbourne sounded like what Aunt Petunia would call respectable. Having no other parameters, and satisfied that it was a cool enough name, he nodded. "I like it." He grinned toothily, metaphorically glowing with the satisfaction of finally having a name of his own. "Ozzy it is, then!" Megamind crowed, feeling quite pleased with himself. It was at this point that Minion knocked on the door, calling in. "Dinner's ready, Sir, and I've made sure that all the brain bots know not to be rude to our new friend." The mention of food had Megamind moving at once towards the door, calling out his thanks to Minion, and gesturing for Ozzy to follow him. The newly named Osbourne was simultaneously thrilled about his new name, grateful that he would be able to eat so soon, and pleasantly surprised that it wasn't his responsibility to cook. Although, it kinda made sense - they'd never had some kid do their cooking before, so why start now? "Guess what? He's called Ozzy now!" The jubilant genius smirked to his piscine friend - he'd never named another person before, and he found it made him feel quite proud. Minion, knowing his pseudo-brother's tastes in music, immediately knew what this was short for. "Oh Sir, that's wonderful! I'm so pleased for you, master Osbourne!" He exclaimed, in somewhat sentimental tones. For his part, Ozzy was both gratified by the fish's approval and unnerved by his referring to him as 'master' anything. He quickly realised, though, that Minion just happened to talk a little like a butler from the dramas Aunt Petunia liked, and felt reassured.

"Thanks~" He grinned, following them towards and into what had to be their dining room. He'd no idea what a warehouse was supposed to look like inside, so he couldn't tell what it'd been before - or even if they'd sectioned it off themselves - but that didn't matter. It was fish and chips - Ozzy thought this was a little morbid, but Minion assured him that they weren't talking fish, and that the ocean was full of fish eating fish. He seemed to find the concern sweet, though."Sir was worried about the same things at first, but Earth fish are good for the brain, so I simply couldn't let him ignore them. Besides, they're tasty..." Ozzy had to concede that these points were valid, and he was hungry, so he thanked Minion and sat himself down. He wasn't very good at using the cutlery, being young and not having had much help on the subject, but Minion gave him a few tips when he made a mistake, and nobody yelled or turned puce. The food was delicious, and he had to restrain himself from wolfing it down - he knew it was safer to take it slowly, and to drink plenty (apple juice, a flavour he'd tried only once before). Megamind had noticed, but he wasn't going to comment, in case of foot-in-mouth. Instead, he'd matched his pace to the kid's, so that there was clearly no rush.

Minion, meanwhile, was showing Ozzy how he got food into his bowl. First, a little flap on his suit's chest opened, and he would delicately fork pieces of food in and close the flap. Then, the pieces were squirted into his dome from below for him to snap up. It was apparently an engrossing sight, though Ozzy tried not to stare. The kid wasn't able to finish his dinner, to his regret, and he was worried that he'd offend one or both of his hosts. Instead, they simply divided the remainder between them and offered him a small glass of milk. "Different people have different appetites at different times." Megamind blithely assured him, "If you can't eat more yet, that's fine - overstuffing you would be pointless and probably unpleasant - but you might be able to have some milk. It's good for strong bones." After hearing this, Ozzy took a sip, finding the taste quite rewarding, but he didn't think he'd be able to drink it all, not being used to milk. This seemed to satisfy the others, though, so that was good. He and Megamind followed Minion into the kitchen to help put things back in order - and to show Ozzy where the food was. While the sky-hued jailbreaker was helping, he was still clearly not as at home in the kitchen as Minion or the kid.

After this, it was apparently decided to introduce the boy to the toilets, so that he could brush his teeth and go to the loo - Megamind had pulled an unused blue toothbrush and tube of toothpaste out from somewhere, stating cheerfully that they tended to get their supplies in bulk. There was an awkward little pause when Ozzy reluctantly told him that he'd never been taught how to clean his teeth, but the startled (and secretly simmering) supervillain was perfectly willing to demonstrate on himself, and managed to amuse the kid with silly foamy antics. Once they both sported scrubbed choppers, and Ozzy had emptied his bladder, Minion proceeded to embarrass the pair of them by bringing out some of Megamind's old pyjamas - a slightly faded orange onesie - for Ozzy to wear. The child was a little anxious about accepting something the fish was clearly sentimental about, but had to concede that it wouldn't really be useful if it wasn't being worn. He nearly choked when Minion made a comment about making more clothes - especially for him! One quick change in the bathroom later, and Ozzy was - for the first time he could recall - wearing something that kind of fit him. It wasn't exact, but it was far and away better than the huge rags he was now watching as they dissolved in a tank of acid - Minion had been quite insistent about doing that. To Ozzy, it felt as though chains binding him to his old life were dissolving as well, which was understandably elating.

After the last vestiges of his shoddy former garb had vanished, Megamind and Minion led him back to his new bedroom, tucked him in - yet another new thing to this sorely neglected child - and told him the story of their arrival on Earth by way of a goodnight yarn. It carried Megamind's snappy wit throughout, and seemed to enthral the boy - which they counted as a success - right up to the point at which the skinny rogue and toothy fish landed in prison for the first time, whereupon Ozzy drifted into sleep. The ne'er-do-well duo turned off the light, tip-toed carefully out of the room, closed the door, and wandered quietly into their equivalent of a living room. Then, they proceeded to panic. "What are we going to do now?" Megamind moaned, clutching his head as though about to tear out non-existent clumps of hair, while pacing rapidly. "I don't know how to deal with kids - I never have!" He fretted, recalling his time as shool misfit. Minion was similarly distressed, partly by how easy it had been to convince the kid to come with them in the first place - had nobody taught him about stranger danger? - but mostly because he had no idea how a kid was going to fit into their villainous mess. Still, someone had to be the voice of reason. "Please calm down, Sir - we'll figure something out..." He urged, gently but firmly sitting his boss and brother-figure into an armchair. "I'm worried too, but we're already committed. Besides, Ozzy's not a normal kid - he's like you - so we've got a frame of reference, at least." Swallowing, Megamind nodded, forcing down the jitters cavorting in his stomach. "You're right, Minion," He responded, latching onto his associate's words like a life-raft. "He is like me! So this will be a challenge, but we're not gifted criminals for nothing!" He exclaimed, standing back up with new light in his eyes. "That's the spirit, Sir!" Minion smiled, wishing that his own worries were as easily soothed as Megamind's.

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