Forum Thread

While browsing through some old files, I found this old fanfic I had written back in 2007. So I thought I'd share it here. Creative criticism is welcome, short stories aren't really my thing so it would be good to get some feedback. Anywho, here it is:

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I guess, if I had let myself, I would have known that something about my life was not right. If I had stopped to think, I would have noticed the days that seemed to run into one another, and the people that never changed. Never grew old, never died. I would have realized that the grass was always green, but the sky never grey with rain, that it was never too hot, never too cold. If I had let myself, I would have known. But instead I hid the hints of reality in the deepest, darkest corner of my mind, blocked by the selfish happiness that came from a perfect life.

Almost perfect.

The pain in my chest started a few days ago. Or was it weeks? Years? It's hard to tell in this place. I had all but forgotten what pain was, and it was so sudden, like a thousand tiny needles sticking into my heart. Then just as quickly as it had started, it stopped. For a while I wondered if it had even happened, or if it had all been in my mind. Until it came back. And it kept coming back, sometimes days apart, sometimes only hours. At least, that's how it seemed. Then he came.

It was strange to see someone new, someone different. Because he was different, unlike any man I had ever known. At first glance he looked normal enough, rather tall and skinny with brown, spiky hair. But those eyes, oh, those eyes. They were eyes that had seen much, pain and despair, war and darkness, fear and loss. They were eyes that betrayed the wise old man hiding behind the youthful face. And as he quietly looked at me from across the street, his eyes were full of such sadness that I had to look away. For somehow I knew, the sadness was for me.

I turned and started walking away, and he crossed the road and followed. I knew he would. We walked in silence for a short time, until another spasm forced me to break pace. I stumbled and he grabbed my arm, holding me steady until it passed. Then he let go and looked at me, with those old, sad eyes.

"I'm the Doctor," he said gently, "what's your name?"

"Jamie, Jamie Apata." I replied cautiously, "What are you doing here?"

He paused for a moment, looking away. I followed his gaze and suddenly noticed the stillness and unnatural silence.

"Do you remember where here is?" he asked.

Suddenly I was angry. The part of me that I had hidden from myself was rising to the surface, despite my attempts to keep it locked away. Memories fought themselves to freedom, images of people and places I had once known flew in front of my minds eye. I stepped back from the Doctor.

"What kind of a question is that?!" I growled at him, "Here is here, nothing more, nothing less."

He looked back at me, his face showing not anger, just that same, deep sadness.

"This is not the real world, it's..."

"No!" I screamed at him, not waiting for him to finish. I turned and started to run from him, from the approaching reality. But something was wrong. My legs weren't working properly, they felt like they had aged 50 years. My joints ached and my I found it hard to breathe. My chest burned as the pain struck again. I sunk to the ground, and within seconds the Doctor was beside me.

"You remember." He said simply, kindly. I looked up and my eyes met his. I nodded.

After so many years of hiding the truth from myself, everything came flooding back. A New Reality, that's what they had called it. Chambers which induced a dream-like state, where you could think up a world all of your own and control everything that happened inside. Wires and tubes supplied oxygen and nutrients, and the entire system was self-sufficient, which meant you could stay as long as you liked. But before it could be released to the general public, it needed to be tested.

I was 16 back then, bored of school, impatient to get what I wanted out of life. I jumped at the chance to be a tester for a year, not bothering to read the fine print. I had decided that reality was a drag, I wanted my own version.

"How long?" I asked. From the look on his face I knew I didn't have to explain.

"From what I could tell, it has been about 93 years since you entered the chamber."

"And... everyone else?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. According to the last records, there was a plague. They were trying to treat it but nothing worked. The chamber you were in was sealed, to keep you protected from the disease. The intention was to release you once the plague had passed. But... the plague was too strong. No-one survived."

I looked away, not wanting to believe it, and yet somehow knowing that he spoke the truth. Everyone I knew and loved was gone. My parents, my little brother, my friends. All gone.

I was alone.

"There... there's something else," continued the Doctor, "The chamber, it was never designed to prolong life. It did slow things down for a short time, but without anyone to maintain it... I was able to patch into the mainframe with one of the old headsets, that's how I'm here. I thought from the inside I would be able to fix it, to keep it going..."

"I'm dying, aren't I." I interrupted. It wasn't a question, it was a realization. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I looked up into those sad, old eyes.

"I can't do much, but I can do one thing. I can access the visual data from here, tell me where you want to be, and I'll take you there."

Instantly, I knew where I wanted to be. He nodded, and suddenly the streets faded away, and we were standing in the dining room of my old house. And seated around the table was my family. Mum, Dad, little Samuel with his blond curls and big, blue eyes. Even Missy the dog was there, sitting at my feet with her wagging tail and silly grin.

I knew it wasn't them, not really. But as the pain gripped me for the last time, I knew it didn't matter. Darkness started creeping in, narrowing my vision, and I reached out, suddenly afraid. I felt the Doctor's hand around mine, and as my last breathe left me, I knew it was ok.

I was home.

*bumps this in the hopes of getting some feedback*

*bumps again*

Still looking for feedback, thoughts, criticisms or whatever...

Anyone...?

Honestly? I think it's amazing. Accurate use of grammar, wide vocabulary, an interesting plotline, it's got me hooked on this. I've never watched Doctor Who before, but this urges me to start reading up on it.

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Aww, thanks c:

And yes, you should definitely watch Doctor Who.