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Searching for: Posts from SakuraWolf23.|
SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE   Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Sat, 11/11/2023 00:02 (10 Months ago) |
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I went to the blog after coming across a name in my clickbacks because I wanted to see if that person was being attacked for having my old name. First. I'll be 33 in 10 days. Dad is 55. I'm still more mature because I don't go out of my way to find things to attack you about. He's more mature than you because he honestly doesn't care one bit what you think of him. Actually enjoys people seeing him as a jerk. His *smiles* is something from his UO days, and is just one of his quirks. Nothing to be concerned about. Second. Don't understand how you don't get the Boaty McBoat Face reference. Dad feels names like that and Plowy McSnow Plow are childish and lack original thought. Remember my comment about how the new Poke names were weird? He thinks so too, and was trying to be funny by suggesting that the same people who named the boat and plow also named the Pokémon. Third. "I don't one click you for malicious intent. I do it because I want rus and you're always hogging it" That is an extremely stupid justification for your behavior because the odds of you getting Rus from me with that single click are astronomically small. Plus, this started days after I saw a post on Tumblr encouraging people to click a random locked poke in the ALMers fields to get them out of your list so you don't actually help them. PLUS. You one clicked dad every day for over a year and a half, even during the time he was gone. We know this because he'd log in every so often to check on things, and there you were, already in his clickbacks with one click. Tell me again how it's to get Rus when you did it to someone who never logged in. Fourth. To dad's passive aggressive comment. Neither one of us have an issue with people one clicking us when it's all we have in our party at the time or they for whatever reason stopped before a full party click. I have issues with Maleficent, who has done it every single day for over a year and a half, even during the times we weren't active. Fifth. To Maleficent. I'm sorry. Dad and I had a talk about this, and he made me understand that I'm the one seeing malicious intent. Do I want you to stop interacting with me? Yes. Does the fact that you do when you claim to hate me bother me? Definitely. But he says what you're doing isn't harassment, and isn't being done to upset me. The fact it does is a bonus to you. All you're doing is playing your own way, and there's nothing against the rules about that. So feel free to continue to one click me if that's what makes you happy. Sixth. I don't want that name back. I rebranded to something that suited me better. And 11-17-21 was when dad was diagnosed with cancer, so it was no longer a number I wanted to associate myself with. Anyways. Back to ignoring. Mainly just wanted to make that apology. But had to include the other stuff as well. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Thu, 09/11/2023 22:00 (10 Months ago) |
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I've been thinking long and hard about this, and I've come to a conclusion. Based on a comment of "doesn't post cringe in her journal every two hours to make us hate her more" and the fact I find myself falling into old habits and mindsets that I've worked hard to move past. I also learned that even if I don't look at the blogs, anything and everything I say is twisted, which makes me curious to know what is being said. Mostly because I want to laugh at the idiotic assumptions people come up with. And partially because of that part of me who feels I deserve nothing but pain and suffering, so I want to hurt myself. Recently, I've been telling myself: Stop wanting to look. Stop caring. You're worth so much more than what these people think of you. You know what you meant and who you are. They continue to do this because you're an easy target. Hurting you is the bonus of getting a reaction out of you. Don't worry or think about their hate if it's not in your active space. And even if it is, who says you have to react? Block and move on without giving them the satisfaction. Focus on your passions, like streaming and writing. Focus on being a better person and ensuring the last years with your dad are ones he'll cherish and you won't regret. Do what's best for you and what makes you happy. Unfortunately, all that is easier said than done for someone who wants people to like me for who I am because I've always been the outcast. Labeled too shy or mental. Teacher's pet. Arrogant and condescending because I dislike certain personality types. A troublemaker because I refused to let people walk all over, mistreat, or manipulate me and my family and friends. And so much more. I recently learned that I can't try to force people's opinions of me to change. What you think is what you think, and trying to change it only hurts me. The people who I want in my life will gravitate toward me amusingly enough, by YOUR actions. I went two months without looking at the blogs and was much happier and healthier. Sadly, I'm the type of person who wants to talk about anything and everything that makes me happy about my life. Or scared, in the cases of my health. Since my journal here is a huge part of the problem, I thought limiting my posting would help. But all did was upset me was that I couldn't talk about things. Plus, there's the whole thing about the pathetic Black Friday and so many other things about this site. And apparently, those who want to improve the site are part of the problem, so why should I stay? Self-control. I need to learn and master it. This time, I won't be coming back here. Not when this place has become a source of constant stress and anxiety, wondering how my life is going to be picked apart and turned against me. I fear logging in here more than I do PFQ. My Premium is almost out, and I haven't been active enough in the last few months to earn the Nuggets for another set. Which means I'd already chosen to leave. And as long as I watch my mouth, the limited space in my Trainer Card on PFQ will not likely cause many problems. Especially if I'm not looking at the blog or caring. Though seeing the deliberately intentional and malicious one-clicks by Bangchan (three days in a row now), Maleficent (1.5+ years), and others will take some time to detach from. Leaving the places of the worst toxicity is still my best choice. Those who care for my company know where to find me. So long, and thanks for all the fish. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Fri, 03/11/2023 06:38 (10 Months ago) |
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My hair would have been about six inches longer, but I've cut it shorter than intended a few times when trying to get rid of split ends or even it out. I'm still so very happy with my decision to do this. For the first time in my life, I genuinely feel beautiful. The times of looking in the mirror and seeing a disgusting body are becoming fewer and farther between. 
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Tue, 31/10/2023 00:49 (10 Months ago) |
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With the ability to hide Panels on one's Profile, I see many people get rid of their Plushie Section. Without that, people can't click on "View Collection" to send Missing Plushies. Myself, I simply added a link to View Collection in one of my existing Panels. There is, however, another way to reach that page still. Take this url https://pokeheroes.com/dw_collection?username=SakuraWolf23 Change my name to the name of the person's collection you wish to view. Capitalization does not appear to matter, spelling, of course, will. Then you just click on the Plushie you wish to send, and it will take you to the Dream Shop with that Plushie already checked and the person's name in there. With the person's name already in there, you can also then click on "Missing" to view ones they don't have. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Mon, 30/10/2023 03:19 (11 Months ago) |
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Longest Chain Times Encountered Times a Shadow has Run [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Mon, 30/10/2023 02:45 (11 Months ago) |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Mon, 30/10/2023 02:16 (11 Months ago) |
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*squeals* My signed copy of Murtagh came in! Looking forward to reading about Murtagh. He and Durza are my favorite characters. Ooh. I'd love a book about how he became a Shade. Honestly, this is making me tempted to make a fanfic for the Eragon and Wheel of Time fandoms. I haven't written much this week because I was taking advantage of the 35% EXP boost in Diablo IV. My emotional state has been hell for various reasons, keeping me from finding the desire to write. Also, the lack of words comes from being stuck in the chapter, so I may need to go to Thorn's part of the chapter or start work on Layla or Jeirazora's bits. Or maybe since I'm stuck here, I'll do a chapter for Angel of the Shadows, Guardians of Sanctuary, and Arcanum Magicka to get those out of the way for a month to stop feeling guilty about not getting chapters out. Might even start work on one or both of the two that can (Sly Fox Eyes and Unpleasant Universe), with some work, be publishable without issues. Dad hopes to see me holding one of my books before his time runs out, and I really want to make that happen. Oh, yes! I also got Grammarly Premium, so I'll be going through past chapters of things and doing a final improvement on them! ^.^ [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Mon, 30/10/2023 00:08 (11 Months ago) |
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Oh! I finally got called back for my heart. So now have an appointment scheduled on 12-13 at 2.30 in Wenatchee for my heart, and ENT on 12-26 at 1.30 in Moses Lake. Within one month, I'll not only have an answer for this ear pain that's lasted eight weeks [and is actually much more tolerable with Tylenol twice a day] but one as to whether I'll need surgery on my heart. I also talked with dad. He said he'd suffer a trip to Seattle [he hates the layout and it's three hours away] or Spokane if I wanted to be tested for ADHD and Autism so I can get on proper meds for them. So next time I go into the doctor, I'll discuss getting that process started. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Mon, 30/10/2023 00:06 (11 Months ago) |
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Recently, I realized that I was being hypocritical. I wanted people to come to me and ask for clarification when they misunderstood me, but I always jumped to the worst possible conclusions when people tried talking to me. So cue scary growth steps. Twice in the last two weeks, I have swallowed my pride and mentioned how I didn't understand what was being said and asked what was meant because my brain had taken it the wrong way. Come to find out, I was right in asking because it wasn't meant as an attack. The other two times, I replied relatively quickly and politely to a question and a statement that set me off. Usually, I instantly shut down and try to avoid what my brain screams was a confrontation. Childhood trauma reaction that I've recently started fighting through because of something I've always believed, but am now trying to live by. Communicate. Emotions are less likely to come out in a blowout of a panic attack that hurts everyone involved. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Sun, 29/10/2023 03:58 (11 Months ago) |
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So about two months back, we bought my brother lunch for a $20 Subway card. Well. Last week, we finally used it. Subway had a BOGO promo week for online orders, so dad and I got four footlongs for the price of two. He got the Italian BMT both times. But I got the Grilled Chicken the first time, and the Buffalo Chicken the second. Both were yummy, but omg! I did not expect the Buffalo to be that overwhelmingly spicy! And last night, my brother sent me a pic of something he found at work, asking if I wanted it. I'd literally just seen someone post it like an hour before that. Naturally, I said yes. So on his way home, he delivered a case of Diablo IV Mystic Punch Mountain Dew. And OMG. It's so yummy! I told him there should have been a second flavor out, but that was the only one they had. Sads, yet happys! Then today, I went to Amazon to check out their Black Friday Deals and realized that I had $65 from a refund I got earlier in the year. So I bought a present for me, mom, dad, my brother, and my best friend. Mine was a birthday present of another poetry book from Liian Varus (Caws the Gorcrow on Facebook) just so I could get another one of his crazy and weird letters. XD [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Sat, 28/10/2023 20:15 (11 Months ago) |
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My dad and I have our computers on opposite ends of the room so we have our privacy. But I have to admit there's such a huge emotional and feel-safe difference between the aloneness of parallel play and having the house to yourself for the night. :( My mom may have been with me for the last seven hours, but I can really only tolerate interaction with anyone for half an hour, max at a time. So the anxiety and spoon-draining effect of that, plus the house to myself, has just been a recipe for distress. I really hate being by myself for any length of time. It's still bad enough sleeping in my room with a fear of waking up in an empty house (which has happened) or worse. My night terrors have been fewer and farther between, which is great news. Actually went nine months without having to sleep with dad for safety and comfort. Yes. I'm an adult, but like any child, I sought a parent to chase the nightmares away. And there's nothing wrong with that. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Sat, 28/10/2023 05:40 (11 Months ago) |
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Book Haul! $30 from library sale, paid $50! My favorite part of this is the Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi. I've read the first two in the series, and they were amazing. She tells a wonderful story about black people having their magic stolen and oppressed, banding together to return magic to the world and stand against those oppressing them. It's an allegory? allusion? To the struggles real poc face against the system every day. On a side note: I definitely need more bookshelves now lmao 
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Fri, 27/10/2023 01:43 (11 Months ago) |
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Just finished Season 4 Episode 21 of Once Upon A Time, and I want to cry. Note that this season was released in 2014. If you do not wish to see any spoilers, please do not read further. My most hated villain started out as Regina, followed by Rumplestiltskin. But over time, Rumplestiltskin continued not to understand that his power meant nothing to the people who loved him. And Regina struggled to be a person Henry could be proud to call mother. From the moment she broke the second curse with true love's kiss on Henry, I knew that she'd grown enough to know what true happiness really was. And that she was on the path to redemption. When she met Robin Hood, I was so proud of her for always choosing to lose her happiness rather than take it. I was shocked at her choice when Rumplestiltskin revealed to her it was her sister with Robin. But it wasn't until Regina had the chance to erase her sister from existence, and chose not to, that I fell in love with her. Regina has come so far from the angry and hurt teenager who thought seeking vengeance and power would make the pain go away. She finally understood that the only person standing in the way of her happiness was herself. Realized that even with her sister still in the picture, she could have a happy ending with Roland, Robin, Henry, and the baby. The growth she showed in this show is absolutely amazing, and I hope Rumplestiltskin can finally realize what he has before it's too late. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Fri, 27/10/2023 01:23 (11 Months ago) |
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Thinking about my last post made me realize something else. Maybe people have been trying to help me understand things. I know one of the Mods on PFQ had actually tried to teach me before it reached the point it did. But my anxiety and flight response to ANY form of confrontation, combined with siding with my dad, who I trusted to have done his own research on the issue prior... I dug my grave. Like. The journal reply that started it all? That was not only embarrassing but also a violation of my safe space. That's what made me not want to read it. And I didn't for months. The person apologized for it later (not the words, the way), and I forgave them. (sorry if wrong pronouns) So here's to another thing to work on. Read what's said. If it's upsetting, walk away, calm down, and read it again later. They're only "attacking" because a) you never listened to begin with and they're past the point of respect and/or b) because you're making it into an attack. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Thu, 26/10/2023 07:30 (11 Months ago) |
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Something someone said got me thinking. I grew up believing that letting your friends and family get away with breaking the rules/law made you a part of the problem. And it also made you responsible by extension if things went poorly. With everything that's happened to me, I don't trust easily. And despite me standing up for myself, I'm actually very fearful of confrontation. Just the thought of going to someone and saying "Uhm. Hey. You shouldn't say/do that," gives me intense shakes and chills. So I usually just take it to the Mods, but as I'm thinking. That's not right or fair. I shouldn't get you into trouble because I'm selfish and afraid. I want to become a Mod, but if I'm too scared to go to a friend now and warn them they're breaking a rule, how will I be able to confront them to give them a punishment? I'm sorry to the few friends I have reported. It seems I don't know how to be a good friend, but I'll try to learn to be a better one from now on. Comment: Your words weren't rude. Uhm. A bit hurtful, but it wasn't the words themselves. It was the realization that I'd been disrespecting people, and putting a potential job that I will probably never get above our friendship. If I call someone a friend, odds are, they're a person who has been there for, supported, and encouraged me through the difficulties of the last three years. The thought of making them not wanting anything to do with me scared me. I knew I needed to change that behavior if I wanted to continue to be a safe space for people to come to. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I've been thinking about it since I made this post, and I agree. Minor = Ignore. Semi-Major = Advise, Major = Report. I know -ist behavior and hate speech are major, so I'll only report those from now on. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Thu, 26/10/2023 04:23 (11 Months ago) |
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Someone brought an issue to me, so I've removed my Last Visitors panel. If you'd like to block me, but don't want me to know, you can do so now. Though... It's something I find strange because I'd love to know if you don't want any interaction with me. Especially on PokeFarm. More than willing to add you to a VIP list (QoL resets every time I reset my comp). At least, that way, whenever I see that icon beside your name, I know not to interact with you at all. I understand you hate me for what I said (even though it was NEVER what I meant). You may have hurt me and even pushed me to consider unaliving myself on various occasions... But I want to respect your space. I want you to feel safe, even though you continue to destroy every piece of safety and sanity I can find. Because that's the person I am. I accept my faults, learn, grow, and change. My heart is stupid and foolish, but I'd rather it feel love and pain deeply than be apathetic to the consequences of my words and actions. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Wed, 25/10/2023 20:42 (11 Months ago) |
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I'm crying so badly I can't breathe right now. Just got an update from the person who took Sparky in. He recently gained another pound and wasn't as wobbly as he was at intake. He'd been happy and playing. And today... He had some kind of seizure and didn't make it. He passed surrounded with tearful pets and love, and I couldn't have asked for a better person to take care of him. She fought so hard for him and blessed his last few months of life. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Wed, 25/10/2023 17:44 (11 Months ago) |
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[NaNoWriMo Update] *yawns* 11.30, and I have an exhausting day planned for tomorrow that also starts off early. I did, however, get 1,037 words written in Forevermore. The scene took a while to start (as they always seem to do when it's the beginning of a chapter), but then it began to flow. 29k more words to reach my goal for this month. Unfortunately, my eyes feel strained, so I'm'a give them a much-needed break. Hopefully, I get some time to write tomorrow. Good night! May the Force serve you well! [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Tue, 24/10/2023 01:45 (11 Months ago) |
Title: Looking to the FutureEveryone has days where they slip and fall. I'm working hard at it now. Six weeks without looking at the blog. And truly no desire to respond anymore once it clicked how much it wasn't worth my time and how little good it did. One must know when to admit defeat. Though I've acknowledged I can't win, I also hold in mind the realization that I am still the victor and the better person and always will be. I chose peace over suffering. Several of you have enjoyed reading my posts about my mental/emotional growth, and I'm so glad I've been able to help you. If you ever need advice or someone to talk to, I'll still be there. But I've realized that my openness regularly backfired on me and made things worse. Because of that, I'm going to privatize my struggles so I can actually work on them without outside antagonism and interference. Here's to a better, stronger me! <3 I know that moving forward means no more posts like this. Even if I want to brag about what a good little wolfcat I've been. I've said this a million times before, but if I want to get that trust back, I need to mean it. Neither game was ever a place for people to post about their life or beliefs. It was meant for game, roleplay, art, and fanfics. Yes. There's a social aspect to it, but any intelligent person [calling myself dumb] would have kept personal matters personal. It's something I need to learn. Another thing I need to stop is the complaining about this site. Although I don't do it rudely, and think it needs a lot of TLC, I still want to be a Mod here. And on PFQ. I want to provide people with transparency and ease their minds knowing various types of -ists well be dealt with quickly. I can't do that if I keep going down the path I have been. Things need to change. I can't do this alone. If you see me being a bad girl, feel free to bop me. I might bite you for it but know it's because I'm angrier with myself for slipping than I am with you for being a good friend. [Read more] |
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SakuraWolf23 OFFLINE Forum Posts: 1,121 |
Posted: Mon, 23/10/2023 07:09 (11 Months ago) |
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First a Shiny Miltank from the Lab here, then I logged onto Pokemon Go and caught a random Shiny Misdreavus. And then the Elekid for completing that Research was Shiny! And the Elekid is also a 3*! Not 100%, but I'll take it! [Read more] |