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Atalina OFFLINE   Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Mon, 15/05/2017 13:56 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Mon, 15/05/2017 13:45 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Mon, 15/05/2017 05:09 (7 Years ago) |
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In second grade, I was diagnosed with severe ADHD (I know, I was reeeeeeally hyper and inattentive). I struggled with this in so many ways as I grew up. I could never remember things and I was constantly causing disruptions in class without meaning to. I had accommodations for my ADHD, and in Elementary school my teachers were relatively understanding and helpful. Despite that, I was constantly afraid of the words that some people told me - ADHD isn't real, and I'm just not trying. Middle school was interesting for me, and probably where things started to turn slightly negative for me. I had to deal with more teachers, and by extension, there was a higher probability of encountering teachers who didn't understand ADHD, and did not follow my legal accommodations. I managed to get through it, though, and the teachers who did help made a big difference for me. I think I was beginning to show the signs of anxiety in seventh and eighth grade, though I was unaware of it, but the help from some of my teachers made a huge difference. The more they tried to understand me and the less they accused me of abusing my accommodations, the more productive I was and the more I communicated with them. Then there was 9th grade, my first year of high school. This transition was huge for me, and I was also in several classes above my grade level. This meant that I didn't get much of the normal accommodation teachers give to freshmen as they adjust to the rigor of high school. On top of that, my high school is particularly strict and rigorous, and the expectations were extremely high. One of the huge things that went wrong that year was with my English teacher. As I was struggling to keep afloat in the onslaught of homework (which for me was mostly busy work - I don't need to do a type of problem 7 times to remember how to do it (once or twice is enough) and I usually understand things just through my first or second read), she made the assumption (that so many make) that someone like me, who was brilliant and scored high on tests, couldn't possibly have ADHD. She blatantly refused to follow my accommodations. She sharply told me, in front of other students, that my accommodations were unfair to the other students in the class. We had meeting after meeting with her and my counselor, and she always acted like she understood and then she'd go back to being a jerk to me in class. One of my philosophies had been that I needed to communicate clearly with my teachers so they understood what was going on. The more I tried to talk to my English teacher, the more she shut me down. Once she said, before I had even finished my sentence about what I was asking for "Go sit down, this conversation is over, I'm not talking to you about this." The more this happened, the more insecure I got about my ADHD. I started to feel and believe that I was not adequate, that I could just fix my ADHD if I really tried, and I started to get afraid of asking for even the most basic accommodations from my other teachers (such as bringing an assignment a day late because I left it in the printer). I honestly think that this is the year I truly developed anxiety. But I didn't recognize it as such. I just thought I had ADHD. I managed to get through the school year, and for the week after the school year ended I couldn't rid myself of the guilty feeling that I needed to be doing something. It was like I'd just experienced something traumatic, and I was having trouble adjusting back to normalcy. Tenth grade started out nicely. It was a fresh start for me, and I got along well with my teachers. As usual, though, I started to slip with the ADHD about a month into the school year, and then I was constantly behind. This doesn't mean I wasn't working my butt off. Playing catch-up in school is super stressful and takes a lot of work. Sometime in late November, I was part of a group project. My group was disorganized and difficult to work with, but we all wanted to do well. I put all priority on getting it done, as I felt that I couldn't let my ADHD affect other people. I destroyed my mental well-being trying to make up for the things I forgot to do by cutting into my sleep schedule and my relaxation time. I got up at four in the morning on the day of the project just to finish the things I had meant to do three days before. By the end of that day, I felt like there was no point in all my efforts. I felt unbearably lost and apathetic. I think this is where I truly began to feel depressed. A couple of weeks later my Wellness class was going over mental illnesses, and I looked at the description of depression symptoms and had this moment of "Oh my gosh, I think I have depression. Serious depression." I mentioned it to my counselor, but this was right before winter break so it was hard to schedule anything or determine anything at that time. Everything got worse over that winter break. I isolated myself, cried randomly, and couldn't even bring myself to waste time doing things I enjoyed. I needed to be working on productive things like schoolwork. But I couldn't do that, so I was inadequate. I started sleeping in until 3 pm and then going back to bed at 7 pm. It was insane. On Christmas, things reached a point where I realized my disconnect from my family was so strong that I couldn't even be happy with them on Christmas. I broke down, talked to my parents, and we scheduled an appointment with my doctor as soon as we could - for January 4th, the day after break. I was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression, and I started taking medication a couple weeks later. The meds were like a miracle. Suddenly I could breathe again, and I was experiencing small moments of happiness that I hadn't felt for over a month. I thought things were just going to get better from there. I had no clue how hard it would be to get over this. A couple weeks into the meds, my progress started to plateau, and I started feeling panicky. Things dipped. On top of this, my brother had started experiencing symptoms of severe depression, and he went into a semi-suicidal phase. I started missing a lot of school. I couldn't get myself to go. It was a combination of severe depression and anxiety. We finally got me a therapist sometime in February. The therapy was also super helpful. The appointments were the one thing in the day I wasn't scared of. My progress from there came in spurts and steps back. 10 steps forward, 11 steps back, 13 steps forward, 5 steps back. I was still missing a lot of school, and on top of that I was now missing credits and I was constantly trying to catch up with my classmates. My teachers were really understanding, thankfully. We found a way to make it work, and I would have ended the year positively if it weren't for my brother's suicide attempt and subsequent hospitalization. I missed the last two weeks. That summer, I made more progress, and a friend had invited me on a trip to Europe with their family. Turns out going was one of the worst things I could have done. Their family is extremely childish, unaccepting, and mentally unstable. There was a day we were eating at a small restaurant, and somehow we got onto the topic of our mental illnesses. I mentioned that my ADHD seemed to have subsided as soon as I got depressed - "It's a trade-off!" and I laughed. Their aunt went crazy on me. She started accusing me of not taking my mental illness seriously. I needed to grow up and learn to take care of my mental health. I had no right to laugh about something so serious, and I was in the wrong and I had no clue what mental illness does to people. All this because she had a son with autism. I feel so bad for her son if this is what her understanding of mental illness is. I started crying. We went back to the hotel, and my friend and I went back to the hotel room of the two family friends who had come along. We started talking about what had happened and getting over the hurt. I started to feel better. Then the aunt drunk, came storming into the room. She had been listening through the open window to our conversation, and decided that we were insulting her behind her back. She started verbally attacking me and saying I ruined the trip and she was going to split up and finish the trip on her own. My friend's mom came into the room (also drunk) and started arguing with her sister. The two family friends sat and watched like bystanders as my friend's mom started to get violent and throw things. She then turned on my friend after they defended me and picked them up by the neck and threw them against the wall. This whole experience was terrifying and traumatic. The two family friends tried to defend the mom afterwards, and refused to report anything. I was stuck with this family in Europe for the next 4 days. My friend got suicidal on and off, and I was the only one who tried to help. Their mom and family accused them of being selfish. This whole event sent me back about 4 months in my depression. I was almost back to where I started. I spent the rest of the summer trying to work out the experience and get over my anxiety with my therapist. I eventually got there, but I never did any of my summer homework while I was dealing with these feelings, nor did I prepare for the school year mentally. And so I started 11th grade. At this time, I switched therapists because my first one moved. My second therapist was more anxiety-focused, which ended up being very helpful as I started to be less depressed, as the underlying anxiety became more apparent. I stumbled through the first part of the year, and then collapsed again over winter break. It became pretty obvious that on top of the depression I had a form of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I started missing school again. I missed about 50 days of school in tenth grade, and almost exactly the same amount in 11th grade. We added a med to help with my anxiety, and things started to turn around again. As the year progressed, my patient teachers helped me catch up and made special exceptions for me so that I could get to class easier, despite my counselor never providing written accommodations for my depression and anxiety. I finished the year strong and in good attendance. 12th grade could only get better. 12 grade has been like a milder version of 11th grade. I started out the year behind (I forgot to mention that about 11th grade - no summer homework done meant I was already playing catch-up, which caused more anxiety), but communicated well with my teachers. Yet, this year, I had another teacher who made things difficult for me. My AP Psychology teacher (I know, it's ironic) decided that I had to predict when I would need an extension on an assignment. If I could predict ADHD and depression and anxiety, then I'd have recovered much more quickly, thank you very much psych teacher. Trying to deal with her brought back much of my old teacher-communication anxiety. I managed to fight through most of it, though, and made it almost to winter break without freaking out and relapsing badly. Almost. I relapsed again, and started missing school. Again. This time, though, I started to pull out of it much faster. I'd gone through this process twice before, and I was determined to be done with severe depression once and for all. My counselor helped me find a work-around with my psych teacher - an independent study where I get credit through taking tests, and not through homework. Over the last two months, I've been getting better and better at completing homework without anxiety, at talking to my teachers, and at coping positively with stress. I was able to let go of my biggest coping mechanism at the time - Pokeheroes, and separate myself from it enough to focus on myself for a while. This didn't mean I didn't go on pokeheroes anymore, just that I didn't rely on it so heavily when I was anxious or depressed. The last two weeks I went on a get-enough-done-that-graduation-is-possible spree. I worked like a maniac, with minimal anxiety, and prepared for 3 AP tests. I learned the 6 units of AP Psychology that I had missed in a week and a half. I turned in most of my late Quarter three AP Lit homework. I also reviewed for the AP chem and AP lit tests. For the first time in years, I exhibited my old determination to make things happen no matter what. Right now, I'm so close to being healed that I can relax again. I'm happy again. My therapy appointments now consist of talking about how I will cope with the transition to college, not how I can cope in the now. I have energy, and I was told the other day by a good friend (one I made after I got depression) that "You're really pretty when you smile, you know that?". I'm going to be okay. If you have any questions about my experiences with these things, feel free to payload me anytime. Also, if you ever need advice, help, or just a friend when dealing with this stuff, I'm always willing to chat. [Read more] |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Mon, 15/05/2017 00:18 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Mon, 15/05/2017 00:12 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Sun, 14/05/2017 18:26 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Sun, 14/05/2017 18:06 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Sun, 14/05/2017 17:45 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Sun, 14/05/2017 17:19 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Sun, 14/05/2017 17:12 (7 Years ago) |
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@-Lucas- Got it! complete @America_Ball Sending complete [Read more] |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Sun, 14/05/2017 17:10 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Sat, 13/05/2017 18:37 (7 Years ago) |
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Pokemon: Sandwebble x 2 (one male, one female) Who you want to do the order: If possible, AnimeEmber breed one, and Lola~Bunny breed the other. I know this is a little complicated, so it's no problem if you guys turn this request down. For the gender requests and the separate orders, I'll double the payment :) Total Payment: 40,000 pd [Read more] |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Sat, 13/05/2017 18:21 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Sat, 13/05/2017 00:41 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Fri, 12/05/2017 15:34 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Fri, 12/05/2017 15:30 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Fri, 12/05/2017 15:20 (7 Years ago) |
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Atalina OFFLINE Forum Posts: 499 |
Posted: Fri, 12/05/2017 13:39 (7 Years ago) |
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@Saratank I'm assuming you're cool with the gender request on the mega-able? [Read more] |