Log In
Interaction Multiplier IconWater Weather Castform Don't have an account yet? Register now!
.

Forum Search

I'm Feeling Lucky

Searching for: Posts from Toetag001.
Posted: Wed, 25/05/2016 18:48 (7 Years ago)

Title: Entry 76 - LIFE

Dear Dumb Diary,

Lately I haven't been on much at all. I've been busy with real life stuff, and more active on my tumblr(s). I'm trying to distance myself from my Toetag001/Saint-Pandora identity so that I can be more myself.

Some notable things that have happened:

I've come out to myself a closeted genderqueer. My family doesn't know, only my bf and my sister. I call myself genderqueer because of my dysphoria. I sometimes feel like a girl, othertimes like a boy. Hopefully I can make a decision later in my life when I'm more mature and knowledgeable whether or not to accept myself as female or transition to male.

I might transition, FtM. I've decided to wait 5 years (I'll be 23 when it's time) to make the decision of whether or not I'm going to transition from female to male. My bf GREATLY disapproves of this, he's straight and wants to date a girl (I can understand his qualms, and I will respect his decision to leave me should I transition.) so he's not too happy to talk about my dysphoria, transitioning, or my genderqueer-ness.

I've come out to myself as a closeted bisexual. Again, only my bf and my sister know. I'm only romantically attracted to women, though I'm both romantically and sexually attracted to men.

I've asserted myself as a proud anti-feminist and anti-sjw, an egalitarian libertarian. I shouldn't really need to explain my position here, but I DON'T NEED FEMINISM, I DON'T NEED "SOCIAL JUSTICE", AND i DON'T NEED THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY, BECAUSE I AM A STRONG INDIVIDUAL WHO DOESN'T NEED A CULT. Ahem. I'm not an entitled, spoiled, first-world, fact-denying crybaby, is what I meant to say. (Go ahead and hate me, I don't give a sh*t.)

There's lots of other stuff but it's more financial and personal that I don't feel comfortable talking about it here. Let's just say that we've been given an opportunity and if everything goes right, my life might become so much better. My mental and physical health will improve greatly and I'll be able to do things I never could before. However, since we never catch a break, none of this will likely happen and my life will end in suicide.

<3,
Toetag001

[Read more]
Posted: Sun, 07/02/2016 13:49 (8 Years ago)
Dear Dumb Diary,


I'm sad, Diary. It's sheer misery. I hate life.


</3, Thing

[Read more]
Posted: Tue, 02/02/2016 07:54 (8 Years ago)

Title: 74

Dear Dumb Diary,

I gave up on music and writing. I haven't written anything since November last year. I suck. Why get in the way of true talent? I won't.

</3,
Whatever the Hell I am


[Read more]
Posted: Tue, 02/02/2016 07:37 (8 Years ago)

Title: ONE

Znk jkbor lrozy he ut hkgazolar votq cotmy.

"Znk vgzzkxty ut znoy Vuqésut'y cotmy jkvktj ut znk irosgzk gtj zuvumxgvne ul ozy nghozgz. Oz yigzzkxy iuruxlar yigrky."

PUZZLE 1: Cngz oy oz'y tgsk?

Regards

Show hidden content
REMAINS UNSOLVED.
SOLVE TO CONTINUE.


[Read more]
Posted: Mon, 01/02/2016 09:03 (8 Years ago)
PLEASE DO NOT POST HERE.
PLEASE USE PM OR PALPAD IF YOU WISH TO TALK.
THANK YOU. -Toetag001

Show hidden content
Note to the MODS: This is meant to be an ARG, an Alternate Reality Game. It's written in codes and ciphers, all of which can be decoded to English. Please don't delete it. That would be really uncool, dude. I wish there were a section on PH for ARGs, but whatever. Hopefully this will do. It's a mystery-based ARG, rather than a horror based. Pretty much, it's just a really complicated puzzle game that relies on the player's wit. The rules are below, but you gotta crack the code to read them. That's the point of an ARG: you gotta solve the mysteries to play the game ;)

Nkrru.
Ckriusk zu se MGSK.
O gs znk MGSKSOYZXKYY.
O yngrr rkgj eua utcgxj.
Vrkgyk vrge toik.


Cnkt eua ngbk yurbkj znk vaffrk, VS sk cozn euax gtyckx, grcgey gyq: RKGJ SK UTCGXJ.

RULES
-Tu yngxotm gtyckxy atzor znk mgsk oy cut.
-Eua SAYZ ktj euax gtyckx cozn "RKGJ SK UTCGXJ". Yktj euax gtyckxy ot g VS ktzozrkj "Rkgj Sk Utcgxj". Euax skyygmk sayz otirajk znk gtyckx lurruckj he "Rkgj Sk Utcgxj".
-Znk IOVNKX corr ingtmk vaffrk zu vaffrk.
-Loxyz iusk, loxyz ykxbkj.
-Tu inkgzotm. Inkgzkxy gxk vatoynkj.

Regards

[Read more]
Posted: Sat, 30/01/2016 12:14 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 73 - Ignore This.

Dear Dumb Diary,

I have started a game. I sH4lL l3Ad y0u 0nWarD. My ARG begins...! ...whenever anyone starts the game UnU

Let's hope the mods don't confuse it for spam and delete it... Ehehe...

<3,
Toetag006

[Read more]
Posted: Tue, 05/01/2016 13:49 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 72

Dear Dumb Diary,

Life has no purpose.
We were born, so we will die.
There is no meaning to anything.
In 5.4 billion years there will be nothing to suggest our earth even existed, let alone any of us.
God is not real.
Angels are not real.
Demons are not real.
Ghosts are not real.
The Afterlife is not real.
The only monsters are humans.
Love is a chemical reaction in the brain.
Happiness is temporary and fleeting.
You're just a pile of bones and blood.
You're not special in any way. None of us are.
Go cry yourself to sleep and pray you die before you wake, as I do.
Also cheesecake is yummy.

<3, Inad

[Read more]
Posted: Tue, 29/12/2015 01:39 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 71- Change

Dear Dumb Diary,

I'll be taking a break from PokeHeroes for a while, only stopping in to retrieve and resend my Pokemon on Rumble Missions, interact with my Pokemon, gather Honey and Moo Moo Milk from route 53, and collect Dream Points. Everything else is on hold. I'm not leaving the site altogether, but this new year, 2016, marks a new chapter in my life. I want to do more, and my identity as Saint-Pandora/Toetag001 is really holding me back. In the future, I will no longer check back on these old accounts or the history with them, and move on completely with a new online identity.

It's time to grow up and move on. I have a new life ahead of me. It's time to shed my cocoon and fly with my new beautiful wings. I don't know what new username I'll create, or who I will be with it, or who I'll meet or what I'll do, but I know that Toetag001 will be forgotten, and may never be seen or heard from again.

Goodbye for now, my Dear Darling Diary. Thank you. <3, Toetag001

[Read more]
Posted: Sun, 27/12/2015 00:32 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 70- Christmas Haul

Dear Dumb Diary,

Here's a list of some of what I got for Christmas:
-Cook Book
-Nutcracker
-New Purse and Matching Wallet
-Monster High Doll
-Movie: Barbie in the Nutcracker
-DS Game: "Lufia: Curse of the Sinestrials"

All in all...not a bad Christmas, gift-wise. Food-wise also. So much candy and good food. It's just...my father's side of the family is so racist and judgmental, yet my dad himself is so kind and laid back... It's so bizarre.

**** sent me a card, apparently. Haven't gotten it yet >u< He also says he has a gift for me... I haven't gotten all of his gift yet...

Wrote my first chapter/page/entry of my Fanfiction "The Aspects of Reality" today. I'm...eh. It could be better. I may rewrite it later.

<3, Innie or whatever...

[Read more]
Posted: Sat, 26/12/2015 21:42 (8 Years ago)

Title: |:=+One+=:|

The skies were gray and the wind was howling louder than usual. The full moon glared down through the clouds that covered the starless sky, stripes of light and darkness covered the land. It was ice cold, chills tracing my spine like skeletal fingertips, a sign that something bad was about to happen. I rose from my bed, grabbing my glasses while I put on my coat before grabbing my flashlight and running outside in my nightclothes, my bare feet stained with mud as I traipsed onward, hoping to reach the shed before he left. I could see sparks popping into the sky like shooting stars, I could hear the grumbling and groaning of the machine over my huffing breath that smoked out before me. As I stumbled forward, I could feel an ever-present dread clinging to my bones. 'I have to get there... The machine isn't ready... Please, don't go into it...' I held out my hand to turn the knob of the shaking door, but as soon as my fingertips touched it, there was a flash like none I had ever seen. I stood in a daze, the world around me blank and white, a throbbing ache in my head causing me to collapse. I felt out of breath, like a bus had hit me. I brushed my hair out of the way and felt my brow, which was warm as if in fever. I laid on the cool ground, my chest heaving as my eyes slowly closed, sleep taking me...

Pen? Pen? Can you hear me? I did it! I'm...

The sweet song of a strange songbird met my ears as I opened my eyes, the sun above nearly blinding me. I sat up, holding my head in my hands as I tried to remember what happened. 'Was it all just a nightmare?' I thought. 'No, it was...too real.' I closed my eyes tightly, rubbing them while letting out a stressful sigh. I helped myself up, stretching and feeling around for my flashlight. I looked about, turning around, but the flashlight was nowhere to be seen. I sighed, taking off my glasses and cleaning them with my shirt before putting them back on. It was only then that I noticed that I was not in front of the shed anymore. In fact, the shed was nowhere to be seen, nor were there signs of ruins to suggest there was ever a shed there. I held my hand over my glasses, shielding my eyes from the sun and glancing around. I was in a field of the greenest grass I'd ever seen, overhead was a blue sky with clouds as white and as fluffy as cotton. 'This place...it's beautiful!'

With a new found delight in my heart, I walked through the field, approaching a small cluster of trees. 'Great, a forest.' I hesitantly walked into it, being mindful not to step on any twigs or acorns. 'I feel like an idiot... I wonder if I look drunk? I continued my tip-toeing until a rustling caught me off guard. I froze in my tracks, staying as still as I could, all the while the rustling growing nearer. Something was poking out of the bushes, a long, conical. silver thing. '...an indigenous creature harboring a spear?! This is going to go well!' I unintentionally groaned at my own sarcasm, and the spear came flying at me, attached to a giant bee! I dodged it, falling to the ground and staring up at disbelief at a giant bee with two spears in it's arms! "OH HOLY SHI-" The spear-bee lunged at me again, and I rolled out of the way just in time, picking myself up and darting deeper into the forest. As I ran, I noticed many other strange creatures: giant butterflies, moving flowers, purple rats, and so much more that encouraged me to continue running. 'Where the hell am I?!' Just ahead, I could see the end of the forest, and two humanoid figures standing with a cat. I smiled and rushed as fast as I could, grabbing the man by the shoulders and shaking him. "Please, sir, you have to help me, there's a giant bee after me!!!" I shouted in his face.
"A giant bee?" He replied, stumped.
"A B-B-BEEDRILL!!!" wailed the woman, darting away with the cat. The man and I screamed as the bee drew closer, crashing into us and causing us to roll down a hill, into a small ditch. I lifted myself off of the man, sitting beside him as he sat himself up. We looked to our left to see the giant bee twitching on the ground, swirls in it's eyes. The man shot up, pulling out a strange looking ball and smiling. "A Beedrill would make an excellent addition to our humble team!" he shouted, arching his arm to throw the ball. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, before lowering his arm and looking at the giant bee. He knelt beside me and held out the ball. "I think that this Beedrill would rather stay with you, miss." he said with a smile.
I looked at the ball, cautiously accepting it. "What...is this thing?"
The man laughed, nudging me with his elbow. "Oh that's a good one! Everyone in the world knows that's a Pokeball!"
"A Poke-ball?" I said, a confused look on my face.
The man's smile faded and his expression drooped. "You really don't know what that is?" I shook my head. "W-well, that's a Pokeball! It's an item used to catch Pokemon! All you have to do is weaken the Pokemon you want and toss the Pokeball at it, then presto! You've caught a Pokemon!"
I stood, holding the strange object. "Oh! I see... What's a Pokemon?"
The man slumped over, groaning. "How do you not know what a Pokemon is?!" He wailed. "A Pokemon is a creature in this world. Some of them look like animals, others like plants, and some like things and objects, even Pokeballs!" He took out another Pokeball, tossing it in the sky. A strange string of colored light erupted from it, and when the light faded, there was a small, floating squid hovering above his head. "This is Inkay, my newest Pokemon." The Inkay happily squeaked. "That Pokemon on the ground is Beedrill, a bug type Pokemon."
"Bug type?"
"Each Pokemon has a type of powers they can use. Inkay here is a dark and psychic type, Beedrill is a bug and poison type. Types define the Pokemon's strengths and weaknesses, as well as powers and abilities."
"Beedrill... A bug-poison type... Interesting." I raised the ball, tossing it gently. It landed on the Beedrill's head, opening with a flash of red light that consumed the creature before disappearing back inside the ball. "Did I do that right?" I asked the man.
"Flawlessly! But we have to wait!"
"Wait?" I said, puzzled. The man nodded and pointed to the ball, which began to rock back and forth. It rocked three times before a clicking sound could be heard. The man approached the ball, picking it up and holding it out to me. I took it, observing the ball in my hands. "Congratulations!" said the man with a smile on his face. "You just caught a Beedrill!" I smiled, blushing. "I'm going to take a guess and say that Beedrill is your first Pokemon?" He asked, helping me out of the ditch.
"Yes, the first I've ever seen, let alone caught!"
"I find that odd. Most children your age have seen a fair share of Pokemon!" he said, scratching his head.
"Ch-children?!" I huffed. "I'll have you know that I'm seventeen!"
"My mistake!" he said, chuckling. He looked up the hill and around the area. "I wonder where Jesse went?"
"Jesse?"
"The lady that was with me. She, Meowth, and I are all a part of Te-..." He looked around, worriedly. "We're all very good friends that travel from region to region searching for the rarest Pokemon we can find!" he said, gleaming a happy smile.
"I-I see. My name's Pen, I'm not from around here..."
"Neither are we, Pen. We come from Kanto. This is Kalos!"
"Kalos? Kanto? What odd names..."
The man started walking eastward, turning around. "Not to seem rude, but you don't seem like you know where you are or where to go. If you'd like, you can come with us?"
"Better to be with numbers than alone. Thank you." I followed him.
"My name is James, by the way." he said, Inkay landing on his shoulder.
"Jesse and James..." I giggled. "A perfect match."

Continued in Next Chapter

Show hidden content
CHARACTERS IN THIS CHAPTER:
-Pen, a character of my own creation, the main character
-Team Rocket: Jesse, James, and Meowth from the Pokemon manga and anime
-Beedrill, a Pokemon from the Pokemon games, manga, and anime
-Inkay, a Pokemon from the Pokemon games, manga, and anime


[Read more]
Posted: Sat, 26/12/2015 04:34 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 69 (lol) A Blue Christmas

Dear Dumb Diary,

I feel things. Strange things. Sad things, bad things, odd things. I don't know how to get the feelings out. Words aren't helping anymore. Singing sometimes does...

This is nonsense, really.

I was in the way, I was always in the way, a bother and an annoyance. Fake smiles for the sake of politeness. But in the end they hurt, they hurt and they like that they hurt.

I'm lonely, I'm sad, I'm insane. It's all come back to haunt me. I'm alone again, but nobody knows.

Why do I keep acting happy? I don't know. I guess I'm happy sometimes. But then the sadness comes back.

I need sleep. I need to forget. I need to be alone.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

[Read more]
Posted: Fri, 25/12/2015 01:31 (8 Years ago)
INTRODUCTION FROM THE AUTHOR:

PLEASE DO NOT POST HERE. USE PM OR PALPAD IF YOU WISH TO TALK.

Hello, thank you for clicking on this Fanfiction. This is a pet project of mine, something to do when I am bored. This story will be about the main character, Pen, as she discovers and explores the multiverse. There will be characters from different media that I am a fan of, including Pokemon, Undertale, Gravity Falls, Rick and Morty, and Radiant Historia. I beg your patience, as the story will take a while to write, and most chapters will end with notes that they shall be edited in later times. Also, there will be a spoiler at the end of each chapter specifying who the fore mentioned characters are and what media they come from, though I may not include all of them if the introduction of a character is to be mysterious/a segway.

Thank you,

Inad.


[Read more]
Posted: Mon, 21/12/2015 17:06 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 68 - Side Effects

Dear Dumb Diary

So the prescription my doctor gave me has caused me to have headaches, worsening depression, suicidal actions, and fits of anger... I'm gonna stop taking it and talk to my doctor...

Due to my depressed, angered, suicidal state, I fought with **** again. Why does such a wonderful guy stay with someone like me? :c

I'm really tired...

(Also, Note To Self: Blazenw is trading me an Anorith with an Everstone (when it hatches) for 17,000 pd and my 27 Electric gems.)

</3, Innie...

[Read more]
Posted: Sun, 20/12/2015 21:14 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 67

Dear Dumb Diary,

I had such a beautiful dream last night... UwU

So last night, I did my usual thing (destroying the idiocy that is Feminism) and while I did **** seemed unhappy with me. So I decided I'd become a Feminist to appease him. I mean, I have the glasses, the hair, I can't shave... All I have to do is whine and cry about everything and boom, insta-feminist. But he STILL was unhappy with me, to the point where he wouldn't even talk to me :( Nothing I do ever makes him happy. He tells me not to change but doesn't like who I am! I gave up on being a Feminist. I'm not intelligent, but I'm not that stupid, whiny, or weak. I'm sticking to the side of truth and facts over emotions and opinions...

I am very lonely, though. I have ****, a black girl I hardly know, an exbfgf, and a few other somebodies online. I cried myself to sleep last night. It hurt my intestines to do so, but I haven't let out my emotions in a long time...

</3, Innie

[Read more]
Posted: Sat, 19/12/2015 16:54 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 66

Dear Dumb Diary,

I had a really depressing dream last night. Before it, I had a dream about making monsters. A green chunky goop showed up in each dream. Maybe I want guacamole? X3

I can't wait for **** to wake up... I miss him...

I found a lot of like-minded people on twitter, I was noticed by one of my many senpais, and I realized that my medical issues aren't nearly as bad or uncommon as I thought UwU

Oh! I finally learned how to get items to dress up your Pokemon with! You gotta complete tasks given to you during the opening of the contest. Your rewards are items :)

**Ok, so apparently Kaneki-Ken was sent a Christmas gift that said "Please leave her alone. I don't mean to be rude, but you scare her and the only reason she has been talking to you is because she feels guilty. Please sever all ties you have with her. Thank you." and he asked me to tell the one who sent it that if they want to talk to do it over dA or Facebook. Problem is, I dunno who sent it. It couldn't be ****, he doesn't have an account and he's still asleep (I've text him like 20 times and there's been nothing, he is out...) but I dunno who else it could be, if not someone from dA who saw the journals I made back when I ditched them... :/ Mm, spider is very stressed nao...

<3, Innie

[Read more]
Posted: Fri, 18/12/2015 16:21 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 65- The Wuv Awakens

Dear Dumb Diary,

So **** got home at like 3:30am my time, 4:30am his time. He sent me such sweet texts that I KNOW he loved the movie! "My darling. UwU *kiss* my beautiful darling. *snuggles* good night my love. I love you. So very much uwu" Isn't it the sweetest thing you've ever read!?! QuQ I love him so much!! ^u^ <3 But I have a feeling I won't be hearing from him until late in the afternoon X3 He's gotta get his sleep~ UwU My widdle Jedi OwO

Well, I had very vivid dreams where I went to places in my past to see old friends and family, and even new friends... They were weird.

ALSO, I have been OBSESSED with the Vocaloid song +♂ -Plus boy- X3 It's catchy, funny, and groovy UwU ABCD ii yuku~

Guess that's all. I can only afford to miss one more day on the Advent Calendar...

<3, Innie

[Read more]
Posted: Thu, 17/12/2015 19:43 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 64

Dear Dumb Diary,

So, the eye appointment went wonderfully. I have really healthy eyes, I just can't see, and my right eye is weaker than my left. I picked out a cute pair of glasses that I REALLY like! ^u^ But the eyedrops to dilate my eyes stung really bad and made me tipsy. My mom was loling at me X3 Demon spit, I swear...

**** is still kinda sick, but so kinda and loving that I'm seriously wondering if he's "the one" OwO

<3, Innie

[Read more]
Posted: Tue, 15/12/2015 21:36 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 63- Doctors.

Dear Dumb Diary,

Just came from the doctors. I've got medication and an appointment to see the gastroenterologist being set up. Also got cute gold loop earrings and a beaded bracelet. I've gained 4 pounds UnU He thinks it might be IBS :c I can't have lactose or dairy until I've seen the gastroenterologist :c

</3, Innie

[Read more]
Posted: Tue, 15/12/2015 15:12 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 62- BUSY

Dear Dumb Diary,

Yesterday was busy. I went to the docs to set up an appointment (which is today at 1:20pm) and the eye docs to set up another eye exam and get new specs (it's Wednesday at 3:45pm). I also got myself registered in the local Native Health Facility (my tribe is Cherokee, from my father's side of the family) and I now have a chart started so I'll be able to make appointments for therapy/psyche evaluations. I also got my non-driver ID :)

**** is still really sick, I think it's a sinus infection :( He's got tickets to see The Force Awakens at midnight on Thursday, so he hopes he'll be feeling better.

I'm 135lbs quq I'm not as fat as I thought! ^u^

<3, Innie

[Read more]
Posted: Mon, 14/12/2015 15:28 (8 Years ago)

Title: Entry 61- GOALS

MAIN GOAL:
-Obtain all Bug Pokémon
-Obtain all Mega Bug Pokémon
-Obtain all Shiny Bug Pokémon
-Obtain all Event Bug Pokémon
-Collect all Bug Plushies
-Hoarde 100 Joltik Plushies
-Hoarde 100 Spinarak Plushies
-Hoarde 100 Butterfree Plushies

NOT COMPLETED GOALS:
-Get Timothy to level 9000
-Get all Unown
-Get all Castform Weather Types (including Regular Castform)
-Get all Harvest Sprites
-Get all Events
-Collect all Plushies

COMPLETED GOALS:
-Hatch a Shiny (Midas the Caterpie)
-Hatch a Mega-able and Mega-Evolve it (Mesa the Scizor)
-Get Timothy to level 100
-Get all 8 Eeveelutions (as well as Eevee)
-Get all 9 Furfrou Hairstyles (as well as Shaggy/Normal)

[Read more]

<-- Previous site || Next site -->